being a masculine "straight acting " gay guy is lonley

When I first read this post I thought it was a joke as the spelling is a disaster, and it is so insulting on a forum that is fabled to be safe for all. Now that I see you really want to know how to find a "regular" man, here is how I do it.

Firstly, I have never got one out of the gay bar, NOT EVER! I have met the men of my life in public places mostly and my current man is the exception as he is the cousin of my ex. Guys watch you all the time and if they like what they see they will go for it. Just with my last ex alone, several of his family members tried to get with me and his best friend too. I did go for his cousin, but well after a year of being broke-up. Just because he wanted what he saw in me that he did not get from his wife and a string of women. It matters how guys see you. Now back to the point! I just talk to people wherever I go, weather it be the garden center at Wall Mart, or someone I meet walking after dinner, and my last ex at church. I have owned several businesses and a couple jobs I had to deal with the public and got hit on a lot in those places. Like I dated the Sheriff of my home town after meeting him at work and he was one of many I dated or just had sex with from work, which were mostly married men I am embarrassed to admit.

From your posts you have a bit of a unapproachable attitude IMO. You see the fem ones as the extreme, but you are also on the opposite extreme. You may find you have some luck if you toned it down a bit as men may find you unapproachable. I have been told I have a bubbly personality and I am easy to talk to. Two ways to a man's heart is good conversation, and good food. The easiest way into his pants is BEER! Pay attention to the men around you as you may be missing the signals being sent from the most unexpected ones. Go get them! June

 

This really isn't offensive in the slightest. Unless you're one of those people that don't leave your house and get offended by every little thing life throws at you.

And he just seems like a masculine guy that's attracted by other masculine guys. I see where he's coming from.

 

Nope! I laughed my ass off when I first read it! I don't find it offensive to me as I am a trans-woman not a gay guy so he is not referring to me. Usually I am catching heat on here for my opinions and yes it was offensive to fem gays in my opinion souch as "why do all fat men want to be women" refering to all drag queens being fat. So take it as you will! June

 

" Two ways to a man's heart is good conversation, and good food. The easiest way into his pants is BEER!"

After reading this I laughed so hard my sides hurt. If my signature wasn't already so awesome I'd steal that. You should make that yours

 

"I don't like the masculinphobe environmemt on this website and outright verbal profanity and abuse by an advisor. I wont seek this site for any additional help or support."

That's a pretty good word. I definitely have seen that here a bit. I used the word masculine one time and saw a feminine dude say it offended him. Really? You're offended because it's something you wish you were, or what? lmao

 

I am glad I was able to be of service! I found that to be true in Arkansas too! LOL I just may take your suggestion on that. June

 

Not THIS guy. I hate the stuff, and I'm older than you. It takes less than that if I'm sufficiently interested.

About the topic, the continuum because masculine and feminine gay men. Well, we often know who is gay when the feminine quotient is high. What I've seen, in a school or work setting, is that there is silent pressure not to associate with feminine gay men (less so in a large work setting). Feminine gay men can run the gamut from being very caring, and funny, to being sort of bitter, and funny ... from what I've seen.

My good high school friend, who ended up at another high school, would be considered feminine - back then, making sure his teen idol hairstyle had just the right swoop, which took an hour and irritated me, to his inflection when telling stories, and to his way of holding a cigarette, sort of tilted back, when at a table. But, man oh man, was he and is he ever funny. And he doesn't turn down friends who need an ear or a hand. That said, in an out and about setting, feminine gay men can show up at regular guy type bars, but might be found at dance or stand and model bars, too, though I've walked in and walked out of those types of locales. I will definitely have a conversation with a gay guy who is feminine but I'll also have a conversation with a gay guy who is ultra-masculine. Could I relate to either? Probably not all that much. Would I want to get involved with either? I don't think so. That's why I consider myself "middle of the road." The deal is that people can go wherever they want. There will always be a mixed bag and it makes it interesting. Choosing to engage them or not is up to us. If someone chooses to engage us, we can politely decline or cut it short. Here's another thing that friend told me: even in the most macho of gay guys, there is something stereotypical that slips through and gives them away. I've found that, if I watch someone over a long period of time, that does comes through most of the time. If we're talking about a big muscled guy who can be a bouncer, doesn't frequent women, and has a toy chihuahua, the math is pretty easy to do.

 

You're the one with an axe to grind my friend.

 

It probably mattered how you described feminine guys (maybe or maybe not in a demeaning way ) after stating a personal preference for masculine guys. I'd imagine the person in question would be somewhat pissed to have someone else, who is also gay, stereotype and label him as a queen or a sassy fairy without recognizing individualism between human beings regardless of sexuality or gender.

But lmao, he must be offended because he doesn't care to be straight "acting," right?

 

New here, not sure how old this thread is but it is basically the problem I am having. The guys I am attracted to are straight. While I have NO PROBLEM with hanging out at a gay bar or the diverse types of people who go there, those people are not what I am looking for. I just don't know where the hell to look. I am a guy that is attracted to other men. That is pretty much where anything I have in common with the rest of the gay community ends. Short of that I might as well have been straight myself.

 

I know this thread is old but I found it doing a search for the same exact problem I'm currently having. And I have to say I completely agree with this post. I have nothing against men who display feminine qualities but as a partner, I am just not attracted to that type of guy. I'm sorry, it's just a preference.

I've been trying the whole online dating thing for the last eight months and it seems a lot of guys display those qualities and the "masculine guys" (sorry, don't know what else to call it) are just looking for hook ups and nothing serious.

I actually met my ex at work and had no idea he was gay until I opened up to him. Looking back though, there were signs but they were subtle. The joke is I can only meet guys at work. When will the next one show up!? lol

I have a brother who's best friend is gay who is also having this problem.

Sucks.

 

I've been having the same issue as well, I don't know where to look. I don't mind what kind of music a guy listens to or if he doesn't like sports, I'm just cant find myself attracted to guys with feminine body language and behavior.

I agree with you that most of the guys on dating apps who are "masculine" only seem to want sex. In my opinion, I think this is because most (not all) masculine gays wanting sex only are still struggling with accepting their sexuality, maybe because of the same reason above.

This seems to be a controversial topic for gay men. However, I don't think feminine gays should experience resentment because most masculine gay guys are attracted to another masculine gay guy. People can't help who they're attracted to. There are plenty of masculine gay men who are attracted to feminine gay guys.

 

So I am commenting just on your first post and I skipped everyone elses due to the fact there are too many comments, but I was like you in the beginning, I wasnt into all the femininity and I am still not, but with that being said I didnt not feel at home or even the least bit comfortable at straight clubs, maybe I got lucky, but the first bar I went to was in NYC, its called (The Toolbox) and it was awesome! it was low key and not a club, more of like a hole in the wall bar. But it made me feel so at home and comfortable with my sexuality. Yes of course there were some feminine guys there, but there were also just cool guys who were guyish lol. Dont judge all bars, you have to keep looking and you will know when you find the right one. best of luck to you brother

 

I am 27 years old and am having the same problem. I am not interested in going to gay bars to meet people because all I see are "effeminate" guys causing drama and acting like a 20 year old girl in a club not holding their alcohol like an adult.

When I go to a straight bar I am left questioning my "gaydar" the whole night. And my gaydar is not strong. I have mistaken many straight guys as perhaps gay. Saying "maybe they are like me and think I am straight too".

I don't agree with a lot of these posts saying that you are being a biggot and it's your problem you are not comfortable. This is not why you posted this comment. I don't think you are a biggot for asking for advise on how to get over this problem. I have the same problem. I want to stay masculine. I want to enjoy sports, playing games, buming around and do guy things. I like guys for being guys and if I want a girly guy I might as well want a more masculine lady.

I wish I could give you advise but I still cannot figure this out. All I can say is you not alone but I am staying optimistic and thinking one of these days someone will come around.

Take Care!

 

Well, the reason is because when one doesn't naturally "act gay" or have any real inclinations to stereotypically feminine behavior, they often remain in the 'closet' for their whole life. No one suspects anything, and they just keep it to themselves most of the time. However, probably most gay and bisexual men don't really act feminine at all. It's just that they aren't open about it usually. I'll say that I also don't really typically act 'feminine' per say. I mean, on an occasion, I may do some things. However, I wouldn't say that I have a feminine personality really at all. I pretty much just act like a "regular guy", at least most of the time. People never suspected I was gay, and when I came out as bisexual no one in my family expected it in the least. I easily could've faked it and just told everyone I was straight, and many people in my situation would have. However, I decided to do the courageous thing and open up about it. The more 'feminine acting' men don't have that option, and they are nearly forced to come out due to the constant pointing out of their orientation by others and attention from other gay guys.

 

There's a social forum for masculine gay guys that I came across. I'm not sure if I can say the name on here but the name contains "bros". Other than that, I'm still trying to find other ways to meet masculine gay guys.