Attraction to a "type"

Can it be possible for a person to only be attracted to a particular "type."
As a late in life lesbian, I discovered my orientation through a catalyst who I never dated (she was merely an acquaintance). She was a tomboyish type (there are so many labels these days that I don't even know which one to use...butch, androgynous, masculine of center, etc.).
Anyway, since coming out to myself, I've noticed that I'm really only attracted to that single type of woman. I was hoping this wouldn't be the case because I really didn't want to have such limitations (the dating pool feels small enough without such parameters). I've really kept an open mind and tried not to think about the matter, and it has only been a year since I came out to myself, but so far I'm finding that I'm still only attracted to one "type."
My question is to those of you who have discovered your sexual orientation years ago. Did you find that your attraction to others changed over the years or is it the same as it was when you first discovered your sexuality? I'm wondering if it's possible for me to be attracted to more than only one type of woman.

 

I often wonder this as I am drawn to dark hair and brown eyes. Labels too fascinate me. I am just me. I have through the years had long hair, short hair, blonde and dark hair. I only came out last year... I now have short dark hair. That wasn't because I came out. I lost weight and always wanted a short hair cut but wasn't confident enough before! Or was it my 'type' emerging.

My partner of 8 months thinks I look gay! She likes my look now. She doesn't like blondes. She likes dark with blue eyes (ME). She isn't keen on dark with blue eyes. She likes tall (ME) She doesn't think she looks gay. My straight friends whose daughter is gay both think my partner looks butch???? My friends daughter is in her late teens, even she thinks my partner looks butch. My friends daughter says she's femme!

My partners friend goes for butch. Short dark hair, masculine dress. I don't like dresses, skirts and flowery pink stuff. But does that make me a type. To me I am just me. I never have liked that stuff. Rana I have rambled on your thread, sorry. You just touched on something that I think a lot about. At the end of the day I think it's a connection. An attraction and if you look at someone and that connection is there then BANG. Who gives a shit what they dress like, look like of wear their hair like. It may be you first look at a certain type. I am sure if you were talking to someone not your 'type' you would through conversation and time spent with that person see them attractive in another way. xxx

 

I think it can change over time- at least that has been my experience. I have always been attracted to what you could call a lipstick lesbian or femme. And I would consider myself a femme- I have long hair and dress in mostly feminine clothing with the occasional ripped jeans and t-shirt thrown in. I still manage to make that look pretty girly though

Probably in the past 6-9 months I’ve noticed myself becoming attracted to androgynous women in a really unexpected way. Not exclusively- I mean I still think I’d gravitate more towards a femme lesbian than a butch lesbian but there is something sooo alluring to me now that wasn’t always there.

I’m yet to have a relationship with a woman but think now I would be more open to different ‘types’. My theory is that as I’ve become more accepting of myself as gay, it has slowly unmasked a whole closet full of desire that I previously had not let myself ‘feel’. I came out to myself three years ago but just in the past year have really let myself indulge in those attractions and desires.

I also think that personality and specific features that jump out have a lot to do with attraction too. So for me a butch woman with really pretty eyes is such a turn on. You might find over time a femme woman who has one or two aspects of her look or personality that serves your butch taste.

 

I think I have a go to type which would be the celebrities I'd name etc if someone asked me but I truely believe sometimes this can be who we imagine we want to be with in our mind or perhaps in your case it's because they remind you of your catalyst.
I truely believe I could fall in love with any kind of person as long as their personality was right.

 

Wow, that's a really good question! There's the physical "type" that is undeniably important, but I find that what keeps my interest is the "type" of the person's being, particularly where that person's values mesh (or conflict) with mine. My preferred physical type can definitely change, but the "type" of a person's being is not so much negotiable for me.

 

@silverhalo , You hit the nail on the head! I'm wondering if this attraction is just because it's a reminder of my catalyst. My first lesbian relationship was someone that also reminded me of my catalyst in some ways. She didn't look anything like my catalyst except they are both butch types (and I'm very femme). When I first saw my ex, I swear my heart skipped a beat...it was extraordinary. I hope that I can indeed be attracted to more than one type, even if just for the practical aspects of not being limited to a smaller pool of potential women. But so far, I've never had any attraction whatsoever to other femmes like myself. It's weird.

 

Hi jackie, it's so great to hear from you! I'm glad you're doing great. I remember reading your meetup adventures last year. I was living vicariously through you for a while because I had just come out and reading about your experiences gave me such hope.
I don't mind your rambling...it's interesting because I've thought about the same things. When I first came out to myself, I found all the lesbian labels confusing and intriguing at the same time. Some of them just made me laugh. We try so hard to pigeon-hole and classify each "type" but so many people are complex and unique, and it's really not possible to classify people, which is good.

I agree that we shouldn't care about the esthetic. I hope I can get beyond my attraction to only one or some types. I don't like those limitations, but attraction feels so involuntary. I do agree with you about the personality in that it's definitely possible to be attracted to someone through conversation & getting to know them better, regardless of the type. I'm trying hard to be very open minded about everyone I meet. My heart, though, is another story...it thinks on its own and usually gets me in trouble!

 

Hi Butterflies, I think it's awesome that you're seeing attraction towards more types as time goes on. I hope I will experience the same. It's really interesting that things could change as we become more accepting of ourselves. That's a very good point!

 

Hi SevnButton,
Yes, I agree that the internal aspects of a person are really not negotiable. That's really the core of what we're attracted to. I think the outer appearance is merely some shell that suggests to us that this person might possess the personality that we like. Of course, the exterior/esthetic doesn't always reflect the personality (often it's not related in my experience). Now if I can reconcile that concept with the primitive parts of my brain that make my heart race when seeing some esthetic I'm attracted to, then I'd be so much better off. Here's hoping!

 

Hm, I often wonder about this. I like butch women with brown hair and brown eyes, generally longer hair (like shoulder length). But I also prefer that emotional connection and so I wonder if it would change over time?

 

I don't think it's weird if everyone was attracted to the same people there would be lots of single people in the world. I think you just have to go and meet people with an open mind and see what happens.

 

I 100% have a type. And they all look ALMOST EXACTLY like my "catalyst" or "trigger". But looking back on my life, that's always been my type haha

I like tan, long haired brunettes with hazel/light brown eyes and athletic builds. (lmao and they are all way too hot for me)

 

Hi,
I am so glad I came across this post! I too have been wondering the same thing as aesthetically I am only attracted to androgynous/butch women and this really confused me at first, but I guess everyone has a "type"

I would say that I am fairly androgenous and that it is my personality that I reflect in my appearance.

 

Sorry I know I've already posted but I also thought of something else to add.

Visual attraction is important and I'm not taking anything away from it but I think often we can put way too much emphasis on it because of the way we grow in society. We all (myself included) create this imagine of who we think is our ideal partner be them male or female whatever and I think we can become somewhat blinded by that imagine thinking that this is what we want and we know what we want. When sometimes want we think we want and what we really want are or can be 2 different things.

 

I wonder then if we can differentiate between attraction, be it sexual, romantic, emotional, and so forth. The person who made me realize, yes, I like women fit the entire package. I worry I’m constantly looking for her, but must be patient.

 

No need to be sorry for posting again. Each response enhances the conversation. You're awesome! Post as many times as you like.

You make a good point here, and it's one that I've pondered as well. I'm trying my best to keep a very open mind and not allow any limitations to control who I think I'm attracted to. I keep reminding myself that before last year I didn't even fully know I was a lesbian, so I shouldn't think I absolutely know who I will or won't be attracted to in the future.

But then a lovely tomboy crosses my path and my brain scrambles, lol.
Help!

 

Haha I don't think you need help, apart from from the tomboy haha

I think almost everyone has a visual weakness. I didn't even really realise this until I was showing a friend picture of celebrities I like and she said, you know they all bare some resemblance to your girlfriend, I was like oh, hmmm, yes I suppose they do, but it's not something I'd previously ever considered.

 

Thanks for starting this thread, Rana! For me, the type is "nice arms", and always has been. Not necessarily muscular, but nicely shaped. Just today I saw some nice arms, and I have to try to keep from being too obvious while I look. To your original question, that hasn't changed and I don't think it will.

 

All great answers and an interesting thread idea. I have very few types and there is not a lot of range in that. I don't know why. I can't help that all that much. Just like the post here, there are several features I zero in on and they're not even the reproductive or more private areas. One can ask why people have types. I see that most types are often different than ourselves. Why is that? It's the same way for me. I don't really prefer my type and in a few cases the resemblance was strong enough that I've found myself where we were exchanging glances back and forth. I once started a thread on what we thought of our own type when it comes to attraction.

 

Visual weaknesses - yes 'tis true. I am a total sucker for green eyes and seem to go for women who are slimmer than I am. Personality traits that attract me are more complex - but I seem to gravitate towards women who are shyer than me - not necessarily women who are not confident - just women who are more socially reserved. The latter personality trait hasn't been what I've found attractive in a man in the past - but it totally does it for me it would seem where women are concerned.