are you born gay/lesbian/bisexual?

Exactly.

I could choose to have sex with someone, but I can't choose to be attracted to them.

 

Born.

 

Well I am gay and I disagree we are 100% born that way. Many educated people and professionals believe it's a complex mixture of nature and nurture. The American Psychological Association has said:

"Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation – heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality – is determined by any particular factor or factors. The evaluation of amici is that, although some of this research may be promising in facilitating greater understanding of the development of sexual orientation, it does not permit a conclusion based in sound science at the present time as to the cause or causes of sexual orientation, whether homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual."

Sorry folks, even the professional organizations who specialize in sexual orientation have not drawn a general consensus. I personally believe it a very complex mixture of nature interacting with nurture. The degree to which may vary from person to person. I don't believe I was born this way per se; but I didn't choose either. Hope that makes sense.

---------- Post added 21st Mar 2013 at 06:43 PM ----------

The 10% is also highly disputed as well. It may in fact be much lower. It is rather difficult to gauge the exact number. However, you are right on the difficulty of finding mates and its impact on family relationships. I like to say I am pro-choice on things such as abortion. With that said, I am also pro-choice if they found a way to change sexual orientation whether pre or post natally. You have the right to choose.

 

Ohh, yes, then she isn't understanding how other people feel differently than her.
I am bi, perhaps I can understand it more because I used to think I was straight and therefore only thought about boys, never considering the same sex/gender.
I also was gray-A so the feelings never just popped out until I really thought about them, but I assume other bisexual people are capable of empathy and understanding for those of the heterosexual or homosexual orientation. All you have to do is think about how you like boys, and then think about how you like girls. Well take away one of those and that's how other people feel.

As for wanting, I do want to be bi, I just enjoy who I am. I want to have brown hair, and I want to have the eye color that I do. She may see it as having more options, but, I imagine it's the same if you're straight or gay. I mean, alot of people wouldn't want to be with me just because I'm bi so, there goes those options.
So, the only choice she has is that she may make the decision to date a boy, and she may make the decision to date a girl. But she does not have the capability to choose to like or unlike one whole sex/gender. Unless she is an incredible exception that science hasn't heard of.

 

I feel that I have agency in my sexuality. My sexual tastes have shifted somewhat over time due to the different ways I have thought about my sexuality. I think it is still limited by some constraints, but it's agency nonetheless.

 

I don't think people are born gay or straight, because I don't think gay or straight really exists. No-one is really 100% gay or straight in that they could never find anyone of the same opposite gender sexually attractive no matter what. There are factors other than gender that influence your sexual attraction to people so the whole sexuality model doesn't really work.

 

This is most like me. These days l'm not sure how important it is to me, when l was experimenting l didn't actually think l was bi at the time, l just recognized that sexual stimulation was something l felt comfortable experiencing outside of my orientation. l view my gender similarly. There's a detachment where l can see my "self" as gay but not understand why that would be only lens l would view sexuality through if that makes any sense.

When l tell someone this they inevitably just say l'm bisexual and l go with it for lack of a better label, l don't think many relate to the idea you have here.

lt's acknowledging you are ''gay'' but not understanding how much that's supposed to dictate all of your behavior. But as l'm pushing 30 l just feel like sex and especially a relationship with someone outside of my orientation would be a waste of time (though possibly enjoyable).

 

You lack any proof people can't be 100% gay or straight. Lots of us can vow and say that we feel we are 100% gay. Same with even the most gay-friendly straight people. When you say "no-one" you are basically making an absolute statement... and unfortunately there's no concrete proof to back up your assertion. A better way to word it would be "the possibility of..." or "I believe that..." Even though I feel I am 100% gay, I don't know if I'll remain so for life. There's no concrete proof I'll remain 100% gay for eternity either. Just like others will blatantly say "you are born gay, end of story." They don't have 100% concrete facts to back up that claim. The weight of evidence may "lean" that way, but there hasn't been a scientific consensus.

While I agree with much of what you say, I would advise not making absolutist arguments.

 

I don't think I was born experiencing any kind of attraction. That came later