All the emotions today.

Time can't always heal the wounds of a Rocky relationship. The more time spent together trying to mend them may end up being wasted. Life is too short to stay in a relationship that may never be as fulfilling as you want or need it to be. I'm sure that all of us here that are still married need to ask ourselves if it's worth it to stay or go? I know I'm asking myself that question. I can't afford to live on my own. But like you I know I'm not straight. And I don't want to hurt him. Even though he has hurt me. In a way that I can't explain. Ask yourself this, will I be happy if I stay? Because your happiness counts too. There will be pain and tears. But time will heal the pain.
Just some words for thought. Take care.

 

This is exactly how I feel most of the time. Something inside me keeps reining me back in.

 

Guilt is painful. Time lessens it.

Take comfort that you are not being malicious. You are simply following your soul.

Honor your relationship and the moments and memories you shared. The memories will always be there. Even if the relationship ends.

 

This is exactly it. Spot on. You are where I was a month or two ago.. I know it is so so hard. There will be periods of time he or both of you go into phases of denial to protect yourselves or just create a little mini realm of "normal". But that push to continue, the internal desire to keep along that path; it is strong. Whenever my husband acted like things were normal I felt incredibly guilty and I also felt this very strong need to keep bringing things up. Things finally hit a point a months or so back where there was no more denying it and we were at the crossroads of our relationship. Since then he has accepted what is happening and we both can we just aren't going to work.

Follow your gut and don't suppress anything. However like you said, don't force things to go faster than comfortable for either of you. Watching your marriage dissentrigrate is absolutely tragic. It's an acclimation process that takes time.

As always I relate to your story so much. Hang in there and try and not be too hard on yourself. I know it's easier said than done. I just wish I didn't make myself insane and sick during that very stressful period.

 

I'm right there with you Neonsocks. On my bad days I try to remember things won't always feel this hopeless. Tomorrow is a new day! Hugs to you

 

Oh I so so get it. I have so many days that I am just beyond DONE. We can't stay in limbo forever. At some point we have to make some sort of decision to get resolution. It has been several months and I am so tired of being in this crisis. Just sick of it. I'm so sorry you're having a rough day and are also so destroyed by all of this. Believe me, I am right there with you. It was my first days of being in that state that I decided it was time to take next steps to get some answers. Hang in there ❤️

 

I do think that the state of limbo can be one of the most painful of all. Limbo is so all encompassing and overwhelming. Especially in choices of should I stay or should I go. Especially when each choice will yield a painful outcome in some way. Limbo seems to be safe in a way but in reality has an 'eat us alive' quality about. Facing a major stay or go choice regarding my relationship within the past year, I discussed and discussed this with my therapist. I seemed to be not able to stay OR go; both option were so painful.

So I sat on the fence, for months. Hoping time would somehow work everything out. It didn't. My therapist suggested how 'limbo' is the most painful, and that after making the decision, you obviously rule out the other option. And therefore can put all your energy and focus into working within the decision that was made; and actually moving forward. It made a lot of sense. Ultimately I left. So hard. So many tears. But once the decision was made I did have to move forward. (And by moving forward I mean I am moving forward in tiny little baby steps...but forward.) It's hard still, with temptation to go back and 'undo' my decision. But I know this would not be a healthy choice for me

Sending EC hugs to everyone in the 'stay/go' dilemma. This is all such tough stuff, without a doubt. ****sigh****


"You will know you made the right decision when you pick the hardest and most painful choice, but your heart is at peace."

 

You are all so beautiful.. and you are perfect.

Take care, and most of all be kind to yourself. Be kind in the simplests most profoind of ways, just breath, just smile in the mirror, know that every second is new.

As easy as it might seem to go one way, it is easy to go the other... they are sides of the same you, not fixed but evolving...

So choose, choose wonderful, be wonderful, that is who you are. Wonderful. Truly wonderful...

 

Take care. I hope things get better for you soon.

 

You know what, there isn't almost always someone worse off but at the same time you can only deal with what you have. Comparing your issues to others is never helpful, I think you are being too hard on yourself. The luxuries you talk of are to a point those under threat by your decision and that's what makes it so hard. Those rocks and stable foundations that you usually depend on to get you through the tough times are the exact same things that have become unstable. Take care of yourself.

 

Thanks for this beautiful message.

 

Stay strong! I hope your parents find comfort with you there.

 

Neon, this made me almost... no, no there's just something in my eye. I only heard my mom cry twice: when her niece died, and when I went off to college. Like yours, she didn't want to burden others; her life was about taking care of people.

You are an empathetic person, unlike — no I'm not going there. You are doing the right thing, and your mom, dad, and sister will appreciate it. You know we all admire you here. Namaste.

 

I'm sorry it's been a rough few days. Hope you get some fulfilling home time and that your mom is doing ok