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31, closeted and miserable

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Orr, May 10, 2019.

  1. silverhalo

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    I think unrequited love is perhaps more commonly talked about in the LGBT world. Firstly sometimes you fall for someone but you aren't out so you never say something or even if you are out you don't know if they are gay and so don't say anything. In the heterosexual world I think it is more likely that people are honest because there is less fear of a bad reaction.
    I also think the whole realisation of sexuality and coming out means that there is a higher chance that someone isn't in the right place to have a relationship.
     
    OnTheHighway and dirtyshirt84 like this.
  2. dirtyshirt84

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    I would totally agree with all of this, I think the realisation of sexuality and coming out adds another dimension to unrequited love.
     
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  3. mellissa

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    Hi Orr,
    1) Welcome to EC
    2) This is my own advice, but before starting a relationship you should probably come out to your friends and family.
    I say this because you sound like you want to find a long term partner. Most of the mature guys you will meet, will want to be out with you. That means meeting your family and not pretending to be a "friend". I put mature in bold because if he isn't serious about the relationship he will not want to meet your family or have the world know about you two. If you are going to live with, spend years with, and potentially start a family with a man, your family and close friends have to know that you are gay before you start that journey. Regardless of their reaction at least you can proceed with peace. Your future partner will not want to hide every time your family comes over. Your children shouldn't have to walk on the other side of the street when your friends or family see you in town.

    3) Which part of Oregon do you live in? I ask because depending on your location (small town, big city, medium sized city) you will have a much larger dating pool.

    Just like you I have never kissed, held hands or gone on a date ever and I'm 20. I feel your struggle. I'm sending you positive vibes.
     
  4. mellissa

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    You are not a prude. There are many LGBT people that don't believe in hook-ups, like myself.
    You should probably tell him your feelings. They seem to bother you and keeping things inside is unhealthy.
    Also, if he regularly engages in hook-ups, then he might not be ready for a long term thing, especially if you plan on being monogamous.