When/How to come out in new friendship? Should she be the first I tell?

Yeh I might write it in a shorter letter written specifically to her. I’d already tried to write one of those but given up so I’ll try again! Then once I’m out to her I suppose I could let her read the other one to my parents. It’s just that the one to my parents talks about falling in love with a friend so it might set off alarm bells for her of my previous “falling in love with a straight girl” situation it describes!

Seriously? Do you seriously think that she likes me from what I’ve said? I just can’t get my head around it? What is it that makes you think that? Do you not think it’s possible that she might just be a naturally kind and open person? I mean she does use the word ‘friend’ or ‘close friend’ but says the understanding between us is on another level to anything she’s found before. E.g she said “I’ve had close friends before but never the understanding side of things, you know someone is special when they finish conversations for you or know exactly what you’re thinking without saying a word”.

Yeh I think she has to be the first I tell! I can’t tell my mum and dad again without some support. I think I might have to drop some kind of hint about there being something she should know about me.. or that it scares me that she really could read my mind so she’d know the one thing no one else does?
Every conversation about relationships we have together or with others I’m so so on edge that it’ll come back to me and someone will ask that dreaded question about my romantic life?!

 

Ahhh really I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t even know what to feel! I just don’t want her to get hurt in all of this by wishing she’d not behaved like she had towards me when she finds out I’m gay?! I don’t want my sexuality to create an awkwardness and make her feel she has to sensor herself around me and stop being like she is currently. I don’t want her to be embarrassed when other people we’re around find out I’m gay and start thinking about how she is with me?! But at the same time I feel unbelievably guilty for not telling her. Because she’ll end up thinking I didn’t trust her with this or it’ll look like I think shes not accepting. But then if she’s not going to be ok with it I’ve kinda led her on in the friendship by having not told her so I’ve not given her the chance to back out of our closeness if she’s not ok with it!? It’s such a mess!

As far as the romantic side of things. How would that work out? I can’t ever imagine me making a first move and kissing her or anything like that. It’d have to be her who did that and would she.. I don’t know?!

 

I will tell her when the time feels right, which hasnt been yet. I can’t quite get over the feeling that telling her will make her feel so uncomfortable considering how close we’ve got and I don’t want her to have to feel like that. I almost feel like I don’t want to come out to her because I don’t want to burst her bubble of her being comfortable in our friendship like she clearly is at the moment. She likes that she’s found a friend on her crazy, weird childish wavelength! We’ve never discussed my dating life before or my relationships but I’ve never pretended to like men and have probably used neutral pronouns like they in any group conversation or just not said anything!

She doesn’t stop buying me presents and making things for me, even though I’ve only ever got her one present she must’ve bought me close to 10 in the last month. We have our own private jokes and things that other people just don’t understand what we’re on about that stem from our endless texting! She makes an effort to prove she likes the things I like even though she’s never mentioned liking them before.

Now she’s seems to want to spend time with me outside the 40+ hours we spend together at work. Like she’s asked me to go to the cinema tonight...

To complicate matters my mum (who I still live with) is saying things like “you’re spending a lot of time with her” like it’s a bad thing... omg it’s so awkward because it feels as weird to me as it obviously looks to her. But I’m not willing to back off from her and lose a friendship, I think you’ve gotta hold onto the good things in life even if they feel a little scary.

I think I’m gonna have to tell my parents I’m gay before they ask me what’s going on with her (even though nothing is going on with her!)

And I feel massively guilty for her spending time with me over her husband, eventhough it is her initiating ALL of it.

It’s such a mess and by doing nothing I feel like I’m letting it get more and more of a mess!