Please help! in love with my "straight" friend

Aah thats such a nice gesture! It also shows how much you care. How did it go?

 

I don't even know how to help in this situation I was deeply in love with my straight friend for 2 years and then finally I moved on. I definitely know this feeling.

 

Omg are you kidding, you always go like one step forward and then 3 step backwards!
Don't even pay him anymore of your attention. If he will come around, he will come around. Dont wait on him anymore, it's not worth the wait!

If you decide to talk him, perhaps be standoffish too for once. So he can be on the other side and know how it feels!

 

Oh my god your long and complicated love life makes my eyes hurt. And yes, I did just read through 63 posts. ._. Yikes.

Okay. As far as I can interpret...


He's lonely, and he needs a companion, for the time being, that is; maybe longer. He is probably curious, at the very least. But because he is viewing himself as straight, and all that bible stuff, plus being a football player, He is probably afraid of actually admitting to being curious, or even bi.

But, he does need you in his life. You will probably mean more to him than any female in his life ever will, if it's any comfort.

The best thing you can do is subtly influence him. And not just you influencing him, either, but many other factors. Surround him in a new mindset of new information including sexuality. Subtly though. You need to make him see that... Well. It's okay to be gay. Or bi. Whatever.

Aside from that... What a lot of other people have been saying. Patience. Also, don't get hung up on him. Remember that your own life and happiness does not have to revolve around him. (though it is very hard, I understand completely.)

 

Hmm.... Have you ever indirectly influenced him?

As in, has anyone else brought up the matter to him? You could maybe put an idea into someone else's mind, then they might put it in his mind. (by luck, that is) Surely you have other friends... Right? Are you out to anyone else? Even if you aren't, you can still subtly get your ideas around. Everything in his everyday life will influence him in some way, remember. You want those factoring influences to be in your favor.

On another note, rather than texting him, try calling more. It makes for better communication, I've found, whereas texts can be misinterpreted easier.

Don't directly ask him. Yet. Keep doing what you're doing for now. Sometimes you have to trust your gut. It'll suck if your gut is wrong, but there's not many other options. That, and your gut is often correct.

 

Hey whats up, I just wanted to let you know I have made out with my guy. Its a long story but he says he is confused and needs time to think. I dont know, its kind of bittersweet! Maybe its THE chase that thrilled me. I guess the grass isn't greener on THE other side.

How you doing bro?

 

ive been in that situation

 

I find this whole thread to be a tad bothersome, mainly because it seems like this guy is essentially stringing you along. He very well could feel the same way you feel for him, but that at the end of the day is meaningless based on his continual insistence that he's not gay. Tbh I don't think this a healthy situation for you. I say that in part because I spent the better part of three years of my life in this kind of situation with a friend of mine who had a girlfriend. One day he confessed that he loved me, but EVEN THEN stayed with his girlfriend and they are now engaged to be married. It was an emotional roller coaster from start to finish (he and I don't talk or hang out anymore).

I would say a much better use of your time would be finding someone who puts you first above all others, who isn't texting girls he's "dating," who isn't ashamed to say he's gay or bi, who will be a REAL partner and not just a kinda sorta who knows what we are partner. At the same time I know how hard it is when you have strong feelings for someone. Just remember that at the end of the day you have to like yourself more than you like him, or the pain and confusion will likely just continue.

 

I don't think you need to cut him off cold turkey at this point, but you can try to distance yourself some. Maybe don't reply right away when he texts. I would spend more time meeting new people and/or going on dates with other guys. Guys, or people in general, are selfish in that they want you all to themselves even if they have no intention of dating you. Don't let him do that to you. And if he really does like you as more than a friend, then seeing you with another guy could be what it would take for him to finally fess up.

 

I think you should just let things unfold on its own. It's kinda pointless to worry on things that you can't control. You should focus on things that you can control like yourself, your feeling. You should start seeing him as an awesome friend that understand you instead of "more than friend someday I hope." If you and him are meant to be together it will happen on its own. Forcing him to express his thought or telling you how he feels about you when he is not ready will only do damage than good. I'm not saying that you should sit around be patient and wait for him to come out. What I'm saying is, you should be patient and keep remind yourself that he is a good friend. While you go out and meet new people, exploring new thing or do what you want to do, instead of dwell on him and trying to find the answer on how he feels about you. You can't really ask for love, you only fall for love and it happens on its own. Strong relationship start from two people understand each other, trust and love will form by themselves, not one is lusting for another. Try to understand your friend, don't let your feeling of wanting him blind you so that you forget to understand him. What you wrote might be true, he might have feeling for you but that is not 100% true because your reading might be wrong. He might be doing all that to you because he see you open up to him so he doesn't have to act like a tough man around you. He might be trying to understand you or maybe he is having that feeling for you too but it's pointless to worry about it since those can't be control. It's all up to him.

What you should be doing is focus on yourself , see him as a good awesome friend. When he txts you , just be yourself talk fun have fun. When he hangout with you make sure both of you have a good time. Stop reading all the little things. You already told him how you feel. If he does have feeling for you he will return it someday on his own will. I don't know how strong you can handle your thoughts and feelings. Some people can't handle much so they end it or push it away, so they don't have to deal with their thoughts and feelings. From what i read, the guy seem like a good friend, a rare friend that doesn't come by a lot that is willing to understand you. It's not hard to make friends but it's hard to find friend that understand you and accept you. I don't think you should push him away just because you can't handle your own feeling for him. Like i said he might have a feeling for you, he might be curious but you have to understand him as well. He might be trying to fight it, all his life so far he only been girls but then you come along, he might has this feeling for you. It require a lot of self thinking and try to over come it. Pushing him for something more when he is not ready is just a bad move. It might take a long time for him to accept his feeling, but no one can run away from themselves forever.

anyway sorry about bad english, it's not my first language. But my points are,
- stop worry on thing you can't control and focus on thing you can control like your feelings and thoughts.
- try to understand him and not let your feelings blind you so that you forget to understand him
- try to see him as a good friend
- let things unfold on its own
- don't limit yourself to just him , go out have fun , do other stuff or focus on your life ( maybe one day you find yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend and you still have him as awesome friend)
- be yourself around him or when you talk/txts/reply to him, be the friend that you use to be around him
- if he is meant to be your he will return his feeling to you on his own.
- good stuffs come out when 2 people understand each other.

good luck HoustonAtlanta, I know you are strong enough to do all those and pull yourself together. You are just a little bit lost because of your own feeling. If things doesn't turn out to be what you hope for there always be more of the good thing out there that you haven't experience or see it yet. There always be a next day, keep your head up, positive thinking, be happy with yourself, positive energy always draw another positive energy.

 

I am still intrigued by your life! How you doing bro? Has he visited you on thanksgiving?

 

^im a sucker for these types of threads