Coming out at 31: my update

Thanks for the update Jnr!

 

Thanks for the update, I always like hearing more from you on your journey.

For me, I really don't agree on this specifically. I think there is nothing about the message he sent that would be unusual for a platonic straight friend to say to a friend.

 

Hey, thanks for letting us know how things are going....

 

Congratulations on the new gig and the big move! I'm sure there will be challenges ahead, but I think you're up to them.

 

Congrats! Thanks for the update

 

Being in a larger city isn't so bad because there are likely to be more LGBT people. Really, I don't care who knows I'm bi, although I am not working now. Being out at work can be difficult. I came out last year at about this same time to several family members. The toughest thing is being out to your immediate family.

 

Congrats jnr you sound like you are in an almost identical position to me! I could have written that last post exactly...

 

Big time congrads on the new job, and enjoy your new city and whatever it has to offer! Thanks for the update, much appreciated.

 

Wow, I have just gone through your thread and-
-Kudos for acknowledging your feelings, bottling them just make things fester
-It's sooooo hard being emotionally attached to someone and even more difficult communicating your feelings, you have done a good job in processing things with Jake while not sure if he has feelings for you
-Moving on with your life, as difficult as it is to pretend other things are more important, your life holds priority here no one else will do it for you

I hope this move does a lot for you and sets you in the right direction

 

Congratulations.

 

Congratulations.

 

Just went through your whole thread. Thank you for sharing your story. As i read, I was so curious about what would be happening next. I'm happy to know that you're hopeful about the new city you will be living in. Good luck.

It's a very inspiring story as I can relate to a certain extent. I'm not out yet (but I will, very soon), but I think I have feelings for a guy I met on a certain app. He's 6 years older than. We became really good friends (Friend only) since we first talked in January. He made me understand and accept myself as gay: he answered every question I had, gave me some ideas for coming out, helped me through dark days. It was a tough process for me since I was in a 5 years relationship with a girl. But now it's in the past

We, my gay friend and I, used to text each other everyday up until the summer. He moved into a new appartment in July and he has been working a lot, so he doesn't have much free time.
Now, we text once or twice a week, and I'm always iniating the conversation. Last week I texted him and didn't get a reply, so I sent him another message on Monday and he told me that he just wanted to be alone for a while, and that he feels distanced with everything in his life right now. But he assured me it was nothing personal. I'm probably overthinking all this situation, but it affects me so much.

I know he went on some dates, but it lead him to nowhere. He's very old-fashioned about relationships, he takes things slowly. As much I want to feel sad for him because his dates didn't work up, I'm actually relieved by the fact that he is still single because I can continue to imagine us getting together. He was very flirtious at the beginning of our friendship, but now, he isn't anymore. I don't really know his exact feelings. In the end, our friendship is so precious to me that I'd be happy to only have a long-term friendship with him. But it's just so hard to make these romantic feeling go away. It's the first time in my life that I feel attracted to someone this way...!

 

Thank you jnr183 I think it's a great idea for you to make friends friends first and then to start dating.

 

Hi jnr183,

I just spent the last 30 minutes or so reading through your thread with a focus on your posts. I see a lot of similarities between my situation and yours. I am out to one of the most important people in my life, my sister, in turn, I am indirectly out to my brother in law. They are supportive. I am not out to any long time friends, only some individuals I don't really know that I have met on a phone dating app that rhymes with Kinder.

I kind of have a "Jake" as well. I met him on the site I referred to above and I started crushing on him hard when we met, but then he started communicating less frequently. Anyway, last night after he left and we had been drinking some, I decided to text him how I felt. I certainly feared it would not be reciprocated, but I also had hopes it would be. However, he replied "lets try to be friends, I'm liking that". He also said I should feel free to talk about it or that he is down to talk about it. I'm bummed, but at least I know now and I must realize it is for the better. I suspect it was simply a frivolous crush because this is all so new to me and I've only recently started exploring my homosexual side that I kept closeted for so long. I think it is easy to closet that side of yourself when you're bisexual.

In any case, I feel like I am doing the right thing and feel positive about it, but it does ebb and flow. Sometimes I'll get down and other times feel very positive about it. I did meet another guy, who is the first guy I have fooled around with and I know he is into me. I think I'm quite into him, we have fun together and he makes me laugh. The only thing I'm concerned about is that I want to make more friends and date more, therefore I don't want to mislead him into thinking I'm ready to get into some heavy relationship. Not sure what to do with that situation. I just have to be cautious not to overthink things while not misleading someone that is seems quite into me. Not that I'm complaining btw!

Although bummed, I'm glad I know how "Jake" feels because you don't want to be hung up on someone when the feelings are not mutual, I guess it is just good to know.

It has definitely been a roller coaster and my main focus right now is to not overthink things and let things happen organically, if you will.

In conclusion, I feel both you and I are doing the right thing and are taking a healthy approach. I am also talking to a counselor. I still feel quite alone because I am not out to many people, but I feel I am moving in the right direction. Best of luck to you and thank you for this thread, I actually almost teared up reading your initial post, it was helpful. One thing I've learned so far is that making friends first is the way to go, the app I mentioned in the first paragraph has been frustrating because most of the people you meet just want to bang and I don't think that is going to make this any easier/better. On the other hand, the app is the catalyst that got me to where I am now and has not necessarily been a bad thing.

Thank you jnr183 and all that have contributed to this thread.

 

Sorry to hear about your experience with the old "friend". I know the standard reaction is "He wasn't really your friend anyhow", which may well be true, but it doesn't make it sting any less. My college roommate and I had a complicated relationship, and we were close for 3 years, and yet it seemed as though once I graduated, he had no interest in maintaining a connection whatsoever. I contacted him when my mom died, and when both of his parents did, but he seemed determined to pretend I never existed. It was weird and hurtful. You can find better friends, and obviously you actually have. Who knows. Maybe he sensed you were gay and it made him uncomfortable; maybe he knows deep down that HE is and it scares him; then again, maybe he's just a jerk. Whatever his problem, it's just confirmation that he needs to be a memory and nothing more. (*hug*)

But how very exciting on the move! I hope it's the start of a new and wonderful chapter in your life. (Side personal note - your new town is on the route between my home town and my daughter's #1 college choice, so consider yourself warned!)

 

JR I'm so glad to hear positive news! I wish you all the best.