*Questioning-Woman Crush*

Hey no problem, everyone gets busy sometimes.

Firstly no offence to your mum but talking to her about this is definitely not going to help you right now. Anyone who thinks bisexuality is wrong isn't going to be helpful in this situation. Just to pick up on a couple of points "you've been straight your whole life" says who? You have identified as straight all your life. Now you are questioning. "Now you have to carry the guilt of leading your friend on" like I said before I don't believe you are leading her on, you have been 100% honest with her and told her exactly where you stand and that you are not sure if you really like her etc so it's up to her to make her own decisions. Right now the only person I think you are letting influence your decisions is your mum.

Your dad sounds awesome by the way.

I think the reason you feel anxious at school is because you haven't accepted your possible feelings and you are worried about what people will think and say when you haven't even decided yourself. It's ok to be embarrassed at this time, it's something you can work through. It's good that you realise you can't trick yourself into thinking she is male. If you can love her, it needs you to be you loving her as she is.

 

FlyRider02!! Girl, it seems you're telling my life again, are you sure you aren't me? XD Anyways, it's nice to know about you again ^.^

First thing, I'm sorry but I must agree with silverhalo, I don't think your mum is going to help because well, do you really think that bisexuality is a wrong thing? Even not being comfortable with it yourself, think about others, do you really condemn them for being however they are or for being with whoever they want to be? Love is love, regardless.

Your dad... Is definitely awesome XD I share his point of view, if you don't live crazily now, when are you going to do it? When you're older and something ties you down and you won't be able to do it?

I understand what you're talking about codependence, trust and all that thinks, as I said, when I was reading your last post I thought you were talking about me, hence my problem thing with my best friend (and girl, about that, I'm done. How I'm supposed to spend a year abroad with her being the only person I know there? I'm royally finished, I'll come back completely crazy TT.TT) but from how you described it... To me it doesn't seem JUST friendship and dependence. I mean, the thing about being around, etc. may be confusing and you could have misunderstood it, but the relief, wanting to kiss her again... Well, you get my point. Then again, I just have a few ideas that I make up from what I read so my advice still is that you live your life to the fullest and do whatever you're comfortable with without regrets, because (for me at least) it's better to look back and think "I tried to be happy" than "what if I had tried?".

For me... Life has become difficult again, why? Just when I thought I was completely over her and that I had accepted that it was just my mind playing tricks on me, I find that we both are going to study next year together, out the country as the only students from my degree... Yay me! I love her, I don't mind going abroad with her, but man, it seems that destiny's just trying to torture me! I'm predicting another "mind-tangle" soon -__-''

And it doesn't help that I'm on one of my lonely moods, it seems that everyone's paired and I'm going to stay single forever because I'm not fully accepting myself. I'm stuck in the typical (and completely annoying and pathetic) "I want but I can't". There's couples everywhere, my friends' boyfriends around every weekend with me as the third wheel and then there's this super cute couple of girls in my class who're dating and I'm just SOOOO jealous of them... Aish, I'm lost, again, as always -__-''

 

Just butting in here lol, but your friend sounds so sweet. And you two seem so cute. I had a similar experience actually. I was so sure I was 100% straight and then this one girl confused me completely. All I can say is... don't rule out anything before trying it. Do what makes YOU feel happy. Talk to your friend about your feelings and worries. Hope you can find peace in your heart soon

 

If there was a prize for drama, we'd be on the list to get it FlyRider02, we should write a novel someday, we could help more than one lost, confused girl like us XDD And I understand your point, that's exactly what I was speaking about when I said that at this rate I'll stay single forever, because as you said, I don't know what I would regret more, to be myself and date whoever I want or disappoint everyone.

About being or not attracted to other girls... Well, I'm one of those who think that it's almost impossible to be really attracted to someone just physically. Maybe you can be in a way, but it's not complete without the psychological aspect, I don't know if I've explained myself well enough, but maybe that's why you're attracted to your friend and not to any other girl you find physically attractive. For me, love is based on characters, you can fall in love with another girl if you both "click", same with boys, then goes the real attraction. At least, that's my point of view.

I must say that I love your hypothesis, but I don't know what'd be worse, to come back crazy or with a long distance relationship (I'm not someone who believes in them, I've seen too many friends suffering and I don't wish it for myself XD). Well, at least dating a foreigner would have a few pluses, such as vacationing places and avoiding the embarrassing communication with the in-laws XDD I may take your word and look around... XD Well, I answered one of your questions before, so the other one ("there's this super cute couple of girls in my class who're dating and I'm just SOOOO jealous of them") I was referring that there are this two girls in my class who are a couple, and they have such a sweet relationship (it kind of reminds me of yours with your friend) that make me jealous *Sigh* I want someone for me too, I love being single, helps to study and stuff, but sometimes it's also lonely... (Don't mind me, I'm digressing and I feel like a character of an Austen book XD)

 

Ok look. I know you're young and everything. But... regarding "Prince Charming." There's no such thing. There's no "Princess Charming" either.

 

Hey I have a couple of points. Firstly in my opinion you will regret it more if you don't try it you will forever be thinking what if, where as if you try it and decide it's not for you I think it is more likely you will look back on it years later and laugh that you had a thing for your friend.
As for disappointing people it's going to happen a little bit some point in life. You cannot please everyone all the time. If this is what makes you happy then go for it, most of the time the people you talk about will come around. Most people in your life want you to be happy even if their initial reactions don't support that. Living your life a certain way in order not to disappoint those around you is only ever going to end up in you being miserable.

 

Hahaha of course we're awesome, nothing makes sense at all and we manage to understand it, we're mad geniuses XD

About the dilemma, I think I finally came to a conclusion. Silverhalo is right, if you (me, it's easier to make decisions as a third person, don't mind weird me XD) don't try, you'll regret it as I said a few posts earlier. BUT seeing that I'm still struggling with the "disappointing people" thing... Why not see my isolation abroad on the bright side? I can try whatever I want without the pressure of someone finding out and if something happens, slowly adjust and come to terms with it without worrying, and then I'd be more prepared and comfortable when I come back! I'd love to be able to give you an idea, a solution, something to help your with the same dilemma but I've got nothing -__-'' I don't know, maybe trying out a few pubs or something like that? It was one of my previous ideas.

Obviously a little physical attraction is necessary, but I'd say that it gets "complete" when you know the person and like his/her personality. I mean, as attractive as a person could be, with a repulsive attitude or personality... It'd be a complete turn-off right?

Hahaha I love Jane Austen books too, but sometimes the characters are a little... Annoying. They get on my nerves when they're too sensitive, sad and such things even if other times I love them XD

Anaisninja, I think you'll like a certain phrase we have here in Spain. First of all for it to make sense mind that our "Prince Charming" is the "Blue Prince" (for the royal blue blood) so, the saying is something like "you'll only find your Blue Prince when you get a boy and choke him until he gets blue" XDD It's a rusty translation but it covers the basic meaning XD

 

I don't know others, but I love your updates. No matter how confused you feel, they're always sweet! It brings me the same kind of happiness that novels XD

If being "frienzoned" is what you feel right at the moment to not rush into things, then it's great, even more if you're graduating in a few months (you don't know how much good you're doing, I remember my graduating year struggling with this past girl... It was a nightmare to study for the equivalent of SATS here with all that weird 'flirting' stuff, my mind was everywhere except my books XD). But yes, I'd also say that you got it bad for her just reading this XDD

I think that she understands you and what you're going through with this situation SO much. I mean, for me that comment was clearly an "I know what you're thinking but I won't do or say anything for you to be comfortable". And I think she's right because maybe you're just crushing these feelings and thoughts because of all the ideas that have been around you for years, and now, facing the opposite situation... Well, it brings us to the confusion, the rejection and all that. But hey, at least it sounds like you're accepting it, at least with/for her and it's great that you don't close the door to a person that makes you happy!

About the 80/20 straight/bi stuff and "finding your mate" becoming harder... It's a surprise that you think like that, I'd always looked at it from the opposite side XD Like having the best of both, if you don't find a "charming prince" you have doubled your possibilities of being happy with a "charming princess" XDD

I'll keep waiting for more updates, hopefully even happier

 

I also love your updates and am glad that I can provide a small amount of help and support.

I think even in the time elapsed in this thread you have come quite a long way. I think you are moving towards accepting your feelings even if you are still a bit unsure.

I don't think putting it to one side whilst you graduate is a bad thing I am sure it will be there waiting after the 2 months which is hardly any time at all.

I hope your studies are going well.

 

In my take on life, We're only beholden to our hearts and mindfulness of hoping to not hurt anyone- self or others. And frankly- Love's not needfully bound by genders or roles unless WE let it be.

The fears are often a part of love not talked about. I've the warm Romanticism that we have some fears from worry more about things not working than about fear to become committed. After all- it's emotionally a sort of safety to transfer fears of want- into a sometimes false not wanting the situation. Those not-wants are often less heavy and floar up the stack...Where not-wants can displace the deeper fears of what if they don't love us or what if we hurt our lovers. WHICH fear we place first is often a constant uncertainy and gut churning. What if we had our fears empower our hopes as banishment of fear?


Oh, sometimes we're really simply not in love and it's "just crush" so to speak. Yet, crushes do become love for some pairings. And thence the question comes up. Why not enjoy the ride in mutual acceptances so far as we-and they- are comfortable? Shared fears can become shared joys so don't hold back communications.

It's a heavy set of emotions even if there's no cultural baggage or fears about friends/family/crush/lovers accepting us "As Is" on all levels.

With a frequent end result of all the externals being a glow dampener. It can make us question if we want the other person more or less than the dramas... In the end- all we have is letting love guide us.

I heard a song that fits many of the feelings discussed on this.chat... A spot on phrase in it is:


Fear can stop you loving
Love can stop your fear
Fear can stop you loving
But it's not always that clear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqCWZLToZoQ

 

@ FlyRider02 I for one can't wait until summer finally arrives and you two get a room.

I would trade places with you in a second. And if I was in your shoes, I would go for it. You've found someone with whom you share a mutual attraction. I cannot stress enough that this is not as common an experience as you might think.

I agree with silverhalo - we regret the things we DIDN'T do or say more than the things we DID do or say.

If you think there is someone better or more socially acceptable just around the corner, you might be right about that. But then again, you never know... you could be wrong. And then where would you be? If you're like me, who passed up some great romantic interests because I worried too much about what other people thought - you might have more regrets than you'd want.

 

You are welcome. Just as long as you promise to keep us updated.