Your AHA! Moment

There is no question that acceptance after years of denial unleashed an unbelievably heighten sex drive. Nothing with a woman even came remotely close. It was a chore to become aroused and stay aroused with a woman. Many times it was not possible and I passed it off as too tired, too many drinks, etc. Never have had problem with another man.
Intimacy with the right man is so sensual, passionate, erotic and so fulfilling.

 

You are so so so right. With a woman it takes all sorts of mental convincing, with a man just the sight of him is enough.

 

Entirely agree, though, with me and from what I have read here many others, at some point your true sexuality takes control and overrides all societal conditioning so that, no matter the amount of mental convincing, intimacy is only possible with men.

 

Well said! Once I acknowledged openly my same sex attraction and acted on it, there was no going back. I quickly lost interest and then the physical ability to be intimate with women. Frankly it was relief to finally be done with the pretending and lying to myself. Only then was I free to say I prefer men as sexual and emotional partners.

 

I realize now that I was always 'trying' to get aroused with women and not actually getting aroused except by pure physical stimulation - but this was enough to convince me I was straight and that my gay fantasies were just fantasies.

When I was repressed, my gay fantasies would shoot to the surface during sexual arousal but the rest of the time my mental energy was put towards trying to convince myself I was attracted to women. Once I began to accept that I was gay, of course the realm of fantasy and desire opened up - dating, romance, intimacy the energy put towards repression when into fantasy and desire. So it wasn't so much 'losing' interest in women but realizing I never really had it, only the desire for it.

 

I keeping getting little 'aha' moments.
I keep seeing so many gay men describe their feelings and desires and they are so much like my own. For example, why do I want to swallow cum so badly and see it as intimacy with a partner where nothing with women gives me that feeling.
I was just reading about giving a blow job and a discussion of swallowing and whether men liked the taste. Someone said "most of the time but even if it's bad its better than licking a vagina' and immediately unconsciously before my denial brain could intervene, I identified with that comment.

 

I just had another incredible AHA! I thought about this statement for a bit and in the same way it feels good to look in the mirror and say "i am gay" , I said "I don't like women's vaginas and I don't like having sex with women"... I felt an incredible sense of relief! Where saying "I am gay" gives me a warm, happy feeling, saying this made me feel relieved.

 

Another AHA ! Moment for me was discovering porn in my early mid teens.

 

I know exactly how you feel when you can honestly say it. It was a total relief when I finally said I was done with women as sexual partners. The whole idea of sexual intimacy with women now seems gross and disgusting. With a man everything sexual feels so right!

 

Exactly! Intimacy with a man feels so beautiful and natural. I feel that we gay men are blessed to be able to experience it.

 

Intimacy with a man sounds so amazing !

 

A few years ago I would have called a comment like this crazy and abnormal! Not anymore, I now feel my homosexuality a gift. Indeed I feel extremely luck to have acknowledged the beauty of man to man sexuality. And moreover experienced it and now live it. Nothing hetero ever came even remotely close to joy and pleasure of being gay.

 

These emotions are what made it impossible for me to continue hiding that I am a homosexual. Previously I was gay without most people knowing or ever guessing it but now I think most people would assume I am without me telling them and I like being viewed as the person I am. My love of gay sex has killed all the shame I felt over it.

 

I entirely relate to this. I am in the process of coming out more fully but I too like people to know me for who I am and I feel no shame whatsoever in being gay and loving gay sex. As I say, I feel proud and lucky to be gay!

 

I am so glad. Men are just too gorgeous to not want sleep with them. I enjoy celebrating my homosexuality and embracing my feminine side that seems to go with it for me.

 

glad you get to enjoy that side of yourself !

 

I read things like this and immediately think "I want that to happen to me"!

 

I know that I feel this way, though I tried to deny it. Giving a blow job seems so natural and desirable. I look at a big bulge and think 'yum', but a vagina grosses me out... but my repressed self keeps making up excuses...

 

But if you know you feel this way why do you feel the need to make excuses? There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do about men. It is the way we were born and you cannot change this. I know from personal experience that the more you try to repress your homosexuality the stronger your urges will become. Once you do act on them there will be no turning back and I think that your repressed self and the excuses will then vanish. You will realise that having a loving relationship with a man is a wonderful thing.

 

I know. That is the denial/repression side which pops up I spent years in denial and repression. When I accept myself being gay feels beautifulI want to surrender to it, that is what I am working on now.

And I also know if I do have sex with a man that would eliminate all the denial but its getting to that point!