I think I'm turning a corner?

Just go out and have some fun! Don't put any pressure on yourself.

 

Me too. I'm more of a one one person. Nice cup of tea and some conversation.

 

I totally get the feeling of being intimidated by people that have been out for a long time. I am right there with you, feeling like I don't belong.

But I also think going out on Friday night could be a good experience for you. Are you allowed to bring a straight friend because this sounds like the perfect time to drag L along. And if you go and hate it or feel uncomfortable than leave and don't allow yourself to feel bad about that. Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy, but look how far you have already come!

 

RJay, i totally get what you're saying here as I feel the same. But I have been to two Meetup groups. The first one I was absolutely terrified, I actually walked in and walked back out again and then forced myself to walk back in.
I'm not going to lie, i felt completely intimidated by the more 'experienced' gay women, or those that i presumed to be more experienced anyway. But it was more just like social chat really and no one asked me anything too personal. Afterwards i was so glad that i had gone and i also realised that even if someone had asked me something about my past or when I came out or whatever, If I didn't feel comfortable then i didn't have to justify myself to them at all. Yes that may have meant deflecting the question but sod it, why not.
Plus like what Silverhalo said, if you do tell your story to someone and they judge or are a complete arsehole then they're not worth your time anyway and can go and get f*cked!!
The second one I went to was so much easier and this time i did tell someone about my past etc... and aside from an initial surprised look on their face, they actually said that they admired me for getting to where I am now.

You should definitely go to that thing on Friday and if you don't like it or don't feel comfortable then just leave. No harm done at all. Who knows though, you may enjoy yourself.

 

I think it would be a bad idea to bring L or another friend. Your more likely to stay in your comfort zone and just talk to your friend. You should go on Friday night, so we can all live through you and you can share all your fun stories.

 

RJay,
You won't feel like a poser after your first gay relationship (after you do the leg work, lol). I felt the same before mine. Now that I've had the experience even with only one woman, honestly it feels like I've been gay forever. No worries, you'll get there. Definitely go to any lesbian meetup that you can.

 

We got to lay some peer pressure on you then.

 

What--wait, how did this late in life secret group suddenly get unearthed? Where was this real life group in your area hiding? If the group is filled with the type of women in our online posse--you are golden! You will have a blast at the bar with them!

OMG I think you HAVE to go. (Advice coming from the walliest (new word I just made up) of the wallflowers...) Go with goal of one drink--ONE. AND you smoke which always has the collateral benefit of being the valid 'step outside' excuse--time to recenter if overwhelmed! And I agree with the advice of not bringing L along this time. I would just end up talking to L all night and being in my comfort zone. Later you can bring L along, your wonder woman wing-girl!

And yup, I'm one of your local (ish) area people. Does this IRL late in life group ever do field trip pub crawls??? Like to the big city that's exactly halfway between us! Check it out with them --haha! Plus that city is loaded with smart women, you know, being Ivy League territory and all!
......

 

Why does the US have to be so flipping big? We could invite our Canadian, European, and Caribbean friends over and have our own test run pub crawl for you!

 

From my limited experience going to lesbian meetups, the worst part is right before you go through the door. I had to actually talk myself into going in but after that it was no more scary than any other social activity. The first one I went to was in a gay pub but it was in the middle of winter on a rare snowy day in the afternoon and it was centred around playing a pub game. There were only a half dozen of us and nobody was in your face but actually quite cordial and after a while you forgot there was anything "special" about the gathering. Nobody asked anything personal or LGBT-related and most of the conversation was about the crazy weather, stuff around the city and other inconsequential topics. Nothing you wouldn't expect from a couple of hours with anyone new you might meet in any circumstance. Even the next few I've been to were nothing all that remarkable but pleasant. You just have to remind yourself, "I'm not a prisoner here, I can go home anytime I like and never come back if I'm not enjoying myself." It gets exponentially easier going to the second and third ones that now when I look at the events, I more concerned with whether I like what they're doing as opposed to whether I've got the guts to go.

 

Well there you go, you already know all the hot spots there! And not sure if you are aware but every woman's favorite store is now in *that* city, selling *those* swedish meatballs in their food court. Lots of selling points for *that* city!

Useless, boring fact side note: My degree is from a school in your state (NON-ivy league degree-haha!) Got to college on day one and OH MY was I intimidated by all those city girls, and the Long Island girls!

 

Here's a question for everyone. What did you go to school For? And did you end up using your diploma/degree? I went to school for theatre arts production. I worked in theatre for two years. And now I clean them!

 

I went to school for nursing and that's what I do for a living now.

 

I have a lot of respect for nurses. You do all the work. The doctors just give the orders.

 

RJay - Maybe you could livestream your pub crawl? Isn't that a thing now? Then we could join in! And if it is really bad you could just walk out and say it was "for research". Haha!

 

I'm pretty lucky and have a sweet nursing job. I assess and help coordinate the care for nursing home residents. I'm home every night and don't work weekends. I would rather be helping deliver babies but I don't miss my kids school events which I like.

 

I went to school for Business Administration and I'm now corporate secretary and an executive of a company. And I teach Zumba 4 nights a week at the local gym - I should have a lesbian night and you should all come!