I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

Why would they be horrified, basically all you have done is tell us how utterly amazing she is and how infatuated you are with her and how you can't even believe she wants to be friends with you.
And all we have done is cheer you on and encourage you. What's not to like?

 

Maybe but it's nothing that's identifiable. Sure you have talk about her situation and your conversations but we don't know her name or anything like that. I totally get why you worry about it but ink it's cool. I mean wouldn't you be flattered if someone had a thread somewhere like this about you?

 

I just found this thread and spent this last hour reading all the way through it and, oh my God, is it an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like I just watched the entire first two seasons of Friends and desperately waiting for Ross and Rachel to get together (not to be hetero-normative ). No matter what happens, you've inspired me to be more brave, open, honest and have definitely given me hope for the future. Thank you for this thread.

 

At the risk of sounding like a therapist what would you be terrified of?

 

Maybe but this is a condensed version so it's uber concentrated.
Again assuming you are heading for a let down.
Good job the rest of us are here. Maybe we need to up our game with the positive ending possibility because seems to me you are not quite with us yet haha

At this point if she isn't interested in a relationship with you I'm not sure who is going to be more devastated. Rjay or the rest of us following this thread.

 

I hear you and whilst I like to joke around and I honestly would love it to be a happy ending I do believe it's 50:50 and could go either way. If it all comes crashing down its going to be a bummer and it's going to a tough little while but regardless of what happens with V I know you will look back on this time fondly in the future.

Have you read that thing about people coming into your life for a reason, season or lifetime?

 

RJay, I'm just curious to why you are certain this is doomed.

 

I guess I'm just hoping for the best for you because I'm pretty certain I'm going to get hurt in my own relationship.

 

Oh, RJay--all the emotions! You get THE text and all is good! You don't get THE text and have to text first because everything is just NOT okay until you make contact! And are SURE that things are ok between you! (And for me this usually has amounted to 'I have to know that this person hasn't 'figured out' what a loser I actually am/that I am actually not that attractive/ that smart/capable/ (insert whatever word) etc. as I appear to be...). And to think that until my 40's I thought this was how I was 'supposed' to think....

Just to throw a couple of thoughts in the mix....

I shared with you what ultimately led me to to having to (heartbreakingly) break up with my girlfriend. Sure, the stars aligned perfectly there--for quite a while, until they didn't. I know you are saying right now, 'oh no, if we were together I would NEVER break up with V!' Believe me! That was me!

And I know you know all of what I am about to say. All us late-in-lifers do-- having been around the block a few times! But I guess I just want to put it out there as a reminder, and for perspective on all this. Sometimes we get so caught up in a sort of idolizing and thinking we KNOW how everything would just be perfect if we were in a relationship with someone.

But life is messy, relationships are complicated, much more complicated than things at the friendship level. No matter how much we think we know a person, people DO unfold as relationships progress; in a good relationship we are growing and learning more about ourselves. With this new growth we unfold within a relationship too. We're sort of honing in on what we want and need in a relationship. Things you once found endearing at the friendship level may become suffocating at the relationship level. And when kids are involved and they are (as it should be) a mom's top priority this can sometimes add another layer of complication.

Not to be negative nelly. I mean if you and V did start a romantic relationship, maybe you WOULD ride off into the sunset...forever. (and you know your whole tribe here is hoping for this, and will be starring in Neon's 'I Got It So Bad' THE MOVIE )

All I am saying is it easy idolize someone when not in a relationship. And to project how we THINK a relationship with her would be. And it's hard not to make your happiness contingent on THIS relationship happening. Which makes it even harder to deal with if it doesn't happen.

My guess though is that either way, there IS happiness in the future for RJay!

That all said, I'm with the rest of the group here.... continuing to root for you and V!