I'm so out of sync at the moment. I'm trying to get back into a regular sleep schedule, but I still wake up at 00:00, get up at 04:00 and go to bet at 11:00. I'm really... really tired right now *crash*.
I bought a tub of Ben and Jerry's Volun-Tiramisu ice cream. I shared some of it with my brother ... it's really yummy It has coffee, mascarpone cheese, and bits of lady fingers ;D
I finally managed to get my whole school thing sorted out. Semester starts on the 7th, so I had three more days to get this finalized, but I've been trying literally every single day since I first heard about it. I've called the registrars office seventy-eleventy times. I've sent out a few e-mail blasts, totally impossible to get ahold of anyone. I only had 10 credit hours of actual classes schedule, the rest of the 21 total that I'll be taking is coming from my internship. But since my internship hours didn't clear because of this stupid overload permission paperwork, I was at risk of losing my scholarships and stuff since I didn't have the minimum I needed of 12. So...yeah. Pretty relieved, obviously. Overload semester...here I come. >.>
Finally, a guy I like, thinks I am cute.. Too bad he is convinced to be a priest so no flirting or dating. FML.... Every guy That likes me has something wrong with them, that conflicts with me. My standards are at decently attractive male. I can't lower them any farther...
An adjustment period...that is what it feels like. I REALLY don't know why this is bothering me so much. Part of me is SO relieved- like I've gotten a huge weight off my chest...and it almost makes me want to quick tell everyone else (almost...). However, a bigger part of me is so anxious an worked up that I can't function...so, I'm just keeping my crazy to myself and hoping I get used to this. I guess thinking of it as an adjustment period is a good way of looking at it. Thanks.
It's quite possible that a part of you is still trying to overcome your own inner homophobia. Overtime, as you work through the process of coming out, your inner homophobia will disappear. Every time you come out, you hear yourself talking about yourself. While your inner homophobia might not make itself known right then and there, it will make itself known later on, when it all sinks in. But as you become comfortable not only with coming out in itself but also with the idea that others know, the better will also you feel about it all. (*hug*)
I felt a little crazy after I first came out, too. I think by the time you are in your thirties, you think you know something about yourself . . . so to discover that you were mistaken about something as core to your identity as your sexual orientation can be little rattling. Even if you are totally okay with being other-than-straight, it's still a little unnerving to realize you spent 30+ years not knowing something like that about yourself. Just give it a little time for the shock to wear off
OMG...THIS is what I've been trying to verbalize but couldn't figure out the way to say it. I keep saying to my therapist "shouldn't I have figured this out by now?" He doesn't seem to get why that's a problem that I'm in my mid-30's and haven't. THIS is what I've wanted to say. THANK YOU!!!! (*hug*) I think when we get back around to talking about this, I'm going to say this...it's perfect! And, I will give it some time. I think you're right; it needs some time to settle in...
Well...that was a fairly epic meltdown. In other news: My grandmother may be getting out of the hospital in a couple weeks. Yeah!!!!