Favorite gay/lesbian jokes?

Offensive terms and jokes don't have much power if we use them ourselves- in fun, not to hurt. Once we've laughed about them, homophobes who use these jokes to make us uncomfortable will have lost their power to hurt us with them.
Example: the term "dyke." I use it myself, in a friendly and positive way, and now it doesn't offend me. The idea behind these jokes is similar.
Apologies if that didn't make sense- I'm multi-tasking again..
~Hugs, Lyra

 

Oh, God :lol:

 

A lesbian and a gay couple are racing to the same hotel, who won?

The lesbians, because they were doing 69 while the guys were packing their shit

 

hahahahahah Holy crap. My new favorite joke! Thanks.:lol:

 

why is gatorade called gatorade?

because straighteraid sounds bad and dykeraid sounds worse....

haha?

i thought it was funny

 

A woman walks into her doctor’s office and says “Doctor, I have this terrible rash.” She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large ‘M’ shaped rash. The doctor replies, “Now that is the strangest rash I’ve ever seen.” The woman explains, “Well my boyfriend goes to Michigan and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love.” The doctor shrugs her shoulders, prescribes some lotion and sends the woman on her way.

The next day another woman comes in with a very similar rash. “How did you get that?” the doctor asks. “My boyfriend goes to MIT and he refuses to take his letter sweater off when we make love,” she says. The doctor prescribes some lotion and sends the young lady on her way.

The third day another young woman comes into the doctor’s office and she too has a big rash in the shape of an ‘M’ on her chest. “Let me guess,” the doctor says. “Your boyfriend goes to Maryland?” “No,” the patient replies, “My girlfriend goes to Wellesley.”

 

I agree. Words only have as much power as you give them.
Unfortunately, I don't have any gay jokes V_V

 

A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet. Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.

Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, "You mean, lesbian?"

"Well... yes."

Still without looking up: "Does that mean you lick women down below?"

Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped: "Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"

 

LOLLL.

(sigh)

lol...

 

Haha.
That always make me laugh.

Joe.
You fail.
<3

 

A man came home just in time to find his lover in bed with another man.

In a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

He then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next he picked up a hacksaw.

The lover terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."



and

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.

One has a smoking problem, one is an alcholic and one is gay but wants to change.

The docter puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.

Two days later the alcholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.

The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at ir.

The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fucked"

 

OMG that shouldn't make me laugh... but it is hilarious!!! :roflmao:

 

"Doctor, I have 2 greenish dots about 1 cm in diameter on the inside of my thighs".
"may I take a look?" Asks the doctor.
Alittle embarrassed, But thinking that he is a profetional, She says "Ok".
After the doctor has seen what she mean, he asks "May i ask if you are a lesbian?"
Again, Alittle disheartened, she replied "yes, I am, Why?"
"I am afraid you will have to tell your girlfriend that her earings arn't real gold...


It made me laugh :lol:

 

funny stuff guys
I got these two from the same site:



This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."

The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."

The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."

The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."

The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."

The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"

The first lady says, "We're lesbians."

The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"

The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussies."

The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."


----


After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."

 

Two gays eating dinner at a restaurant when the first one is staring over the second ones shoulder. The second one asks what is wrong and the second one says that the lady in the distance is choking, the first one says she is fine and to keep eating. He notices the first one staring again and says lets go take a look. Sure enough the lady is gasping and her face is all blue. The second one tells the first one too hurry and pull his pants down and bend over. The second guy gives the first a rim job and when the lady sees it she is so grossed out she trows up and a big chunk of meat comes out and she can breath again. Back at their table the first guy says ( i think we saved the lady's life) the second one says (ya, it is a good thing I knew the hind like maneuver.:icon_bigg

 

You my friend need to loosen up...and listen to the stereotypes song

 

How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience.

found it online died

 

A group of people were in a hot tub. A condom floats up and someone says," Alright, who farted?"