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Favorite gay/lesbian jokes?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Mickey, Jan 27, 2009.

  1. myra

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    I am loving this thread. ...To bad I don't have any jokes of my own.
     
  2. thebikelady

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    Always told about Hibbets around here. lol

    And while we don't like Dicks, we sure do love Dick's. lol
     
  3. punkrocker99

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    have fun with all your offensive jokes. and yet gay people attack straights for being homophobic. that's pathetic and degrading. it's like black people calling themselves the N-word.
     
  4. BlakeHarmony

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    I am sure that none of them are meant to offend. These are just like 90% of all other jokes. As jokes are often based on stereotypes, they may offend, but they are not meant to. Only people who wish to take them as having malicious intentions find themselves offended, but only because they chose to look at it in such a way. For the rest of us, these are just a bunch of well intentioned jokes that are funny. I'm sorry you do not look at these jokes in this way, it appears that a laugh would do you good...
     
  5. Mickey

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    I thought it was great! Thanks for sharing! :roflmao:
     
  6. Mickey

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    Are you serious? If you are,this is all in good fun! :dry:
     
  7. string3343

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    I understand your point punkrocker in that you see a kind of hypocrisy in these jokes. Yet, it is okay to poke fun at ourselves, and they are not intended to be derogatory in the slightest.
     
  8. Lychee

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    The majority of jokes offend someone. It's like the facebook groups that people join that are like "you know you're australian when..."
    The difference is, that you're allowed to make fun of yourself, and close friends, but not random people who you don't know too well.
    In the words of E.E Cummings, "the most wasted of days is one without laughter." :slight_smile:
    And there is this proverb my grandma tells me (it's in Russian) which roughly translates to "before you laugh at anyone, you should first laugh at yourself"

    This reminds me of the song "Everyone's a little bit racist" from Avenue Q. You should take a listen :slight_smile:
     
  9. Dazed

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    i just had to say i love love love E.E.Cummings
     
  10. amberger

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    two lovers, mike and matt fall into hard times and resort to robbing a bank. mike parks the car outside the bank and says to matt 'you understand the plan, right? You should only be in there for 3 minutes' matt replies, 'i understand.' mike waits nervously in the getaway car. 3 minute pass and he becomes worried. Then 7 minutes pass. Finally, matt comes running out of the bank with a safe with a rope tied around it. He gets in the car and a security guard runs out of the bank with his pants around his ankles. mike turns to matt and says, ' you were supposed to TIE the SECURITY GUARD with the rope, and BLOW THE SAFE!
     
  11. amberger

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    There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

    The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

    The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."

    The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

    The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"

    The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."

    The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

    Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

    The man looks up and says, "Apperantly my wife does."
     
  12. GlindaRose

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    4 gay guys walked into a bar but there was only one stool left.
    One gay guy said 'let's flip for it'
    Another said 'No let's flip it over'
     
  13. Legnaj

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    Q: What do you call an overly obese transgender?

    A: Trans-fats
     
  14. Legnaj

    Legnaj Guest

    Forgot I had some one the facebook :CP

    Q: What do you call a gay Farmer
    A: A Jolly Rancher

    As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of bills.
    When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wad of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large amount of money to please stand."

    The gay man stood up.

    The minister continued, "Well, sir, we certainly do appreciate your generosity. And to show our appreciation, I'm going to let you select your three favorite hymns."

    "Okay," the gay man replied, "I'll take him, him and him!"



    Three gay men died and were cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
    The first man said, ''My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane to scatter his ashes in the sky.''

    The second man said, ''My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.''

    The third man said, ''My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time.''
     
  15. MusicIsLife

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    Added to one that was posted earlier:

    What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
    A U-Haul

    What does a lesbian bring on a third date?
    A Turkey Baster.

    I heard it on The L Word :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  16. Adam

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    How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS
     
  17. olides84

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    Hmmm, now that one crosses the "offensive" line methinks. Here's one that doesn't (I hope):

    What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
    They both get loaded from the rear, and go...woo woo woo.
     
  18. Dazed

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    yes the aids one is a bit offensive


    but WOO WOO WOO hhahaha i love that
     
  19. Amy

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    Stereotype time...


    You know you're gay when:


    1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
    2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
    3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
    4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
    5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
    6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
    7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
    8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.
    9. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
    10. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your computer.
    11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.
    12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
    13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
    14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.
    15. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
    16. Your pets always have great names.
    17. Nobody expects you to change a tire.
    18. You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
    19. You know how to get a waiter's attention.
    20. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
    21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
    22. You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.
    23. You get to choose your family.
    24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
    25. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
    26. You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.
    27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
    28. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
    29. You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.
    30. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
    31. You know how to "air kiss".
    32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.
    33. You know how to dress strategically.
    34. You know when to move out and move on.
    35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
    36. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
    37. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.
    38. You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.
    39. You know which wine to bring.
    40. Sales clerks don't mess with you.
    41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
    42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
    43. You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.
    44. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
    45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
    46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity
    47. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
    48. You have the latest International Male catalog.
    49. You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
    50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.
     
  20. carrie90

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    Two Lipstick Lesbians are on a plane when the engines start to fail. One of them runs back to the lavatory and opens the door and asks her partner inside if she shaved today.
    She says, "Yes, why?"

    "Whew, that's good! The flight attendant told me to run back and get you cause we'll be going down in less than two minutes

    Ha tasteless i kno but harmless and funny (!)
     
    #40 carrie90, Feb 26, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2009