I tried to write this post once but it was too long and then it got deleted so I'll write it again. I am female, in a LTR with a man, I started a job last year and I started to get a crush on a female colleague, Gemma. For the first few months I didn't think much into it, but a few months later a new colleague, Emily started working with me. Me and Emily became good friends, and her and I and some other work friends went for drinks, I got drunk and blurted out that I had a big crush on Gemma. Everyone was fine with it, but incredibly shocked due to my LTR. They'd sometimes make comments when Gemma walked past and giggle, but nothing more. As time went on, me and Gemma started talking and we became good friends. She's in a LTR herself (shes gay) and I never pushed boundaries, never flirted etc, but never told her about my boyfriend. i told her i was gay/questioning my sexuality, and i didn't feel the need to tell her because i wanted to have a friend that was solely about my sexuality and not viewed about my boyfriend. during this time, i stupidly told Emily on text about my crush on Gemma. i told her that i was basically in love, that i wanted to have sex with her, that she'd make me nervous and shy when we'd talk etc. there's physical evidence about this. btw, Emily is currently in a 3 year long affair with a married man, despite being in a LTR herself. i no longer work at that place anymore, but my boyfriend's best friends girlfriend does, and she is very close with Emily. i worry every single day that she will tell everything about Gemma to her. the things she could tell her are: - i had a crush on her (lots and lots of physical text proof of this) - me and Gemma would meet sometimes for a walk or to watch a film at hers (i never told my bf about this because i was worried it would look weird), and nothing happened. literally nothing. we got on because not being straight was what we had in common, and in the end i stopped having a crush on her, i met her gf and i dont have feeling for her anymore. i look back and cringe at it all. like i said, i have never cheated, Gemma doesn't know i liked her, and we no longer are in contact. the issue with Emily is that she exaggerates and lies a lot (at work she would make up she had mental health problems to get attention and would eye out other people to have affairs with). she thought this thing with Gemma was funny, and she would exaggerate stories to other colleagues about us two, making out we had a world wind romance, when we didn't. i worry every single day that this thing with Gemma will get spilled. that my boyfriend will find out. i just want to put the whole thing past me and move on. i want to stay with my boyfriend, i don't want to explore my sexuality and i want to go back to life before all this. i no longer communicate with Gemma or Emily due to us drifting apart. my boyfriend already has low self-esteem, but for him to ever find out about my crush on Gemma, it would crush him and i worry. it makes me feel so suicidal because i worry every single day that the story and the proof will come out. im ashamed that i was so naive and followed Emily around like an idiiot. do you have any advice?
Are sure your boyfriend won’t be able to handle the news you had a crush. Could you maybe start a conversation about celebrity crushes and go from there? That way you can spin it the way you want. If someone else tells him about your crush it could be a worse version than the actual story. But if he does hear about it, your boyfriend would most likely know about Emily liking to exaggerate stuff if you’ve complained about it before. You could just try the truth. You had a crush, you never cheated and you don’t want to explore your sexuality. Is it likely Emily will bother to tell anyone.? You could be worrying for nothing. If she is a friend could you ask her to keep it a secret. Just my opinion I don’t know if it helps.
You haven't done anything wrong, OP. I think what it comes down to is: how strong is the foundation of your relationship? I don't just mean how long have you been together, but how is the communication between you and your boyfriend? The trust, the openness, all of it? If you two have good communication and good trust between you, then I really wouldn't worry--but if you think Emily might spill the beans, it's better for you to tell him before he hears it from her. That way, he knows he can trust you to be honest with him, and if he does happen to hear some embellished versions, you'll be able to assuage any concerns that come up. Moreover, keeping secrets from him won't help where his self-esteem is concerned. If you handle him with kid gloves and he finds out because you were afraid of how it might impact him, that would probably just make him feel worse; as though he's being viewed as weak and incapable of handling anything. Does your boyfriend know Emily? Have they ever spoken before, and if so, how often or how well? If they've barely interacted or not at all, I wouldn't worry. Have faith that your boyfriend will take your word over someone he hardly knows (if he knows her at all). And if he does know her, then he also probably knows she's been known to embellish or outright lie. Is there anyone else that can corroborate the fact that Emily is a terrible liar at times? All in all though, I really don't think you have anything to worry about if you and Gemma have fallen out of contact. And considering Emily has been having an affair behind her own partner's back (while you yourself have not), I would think that would be enough to keep her quiet. It would be foolish of her to spill your crush when you could reveal her infidelity.
