Won't let myself have feelings for people

I've been there too at your age. It feels like a Limbo or a never ending recycling loop of burnt out butterflies hanging over your head. In my experience when you have a crush on someone, you should either act on those feelings and ask the person out [within the first two weeks of meeting them/ whenever you first develop feelings for them]. Or assess your feelings probably are one sided and force yourself to move on. I know those strategies are easier said than done, ( especially being in high school), but trust me it's better than being stuck in limbo. I would have been more socially successful during high-school had I not got hung up on my crushes for months at a time and just moved on instead.

Additionally the longer you wait to ask someone out the worse your odds are. The person you have a crush on will become increasingly more accustomed to you just being a friend or acquaintance. That belief will become cemented into their brain. Then when you suddenly ask them out months later, it will be very jarring for them to suddenly change their whole dynamic of how they perceive you and put them on the spot. Or they'll just question your motives and the basis of your entire friendship in the first place. I made the mistake of asking out a friend after 6 months that I had a crush on. They accused me of having ulterior motives and our friendship was just a cover to get close to them. I later learned romance is all about timing and initiative.

Also while in high-school, I found it was better to date people from other high-schools near me instead of the one I attended. To be honest high-school is a dumpster fire and everyone gossips about everybody else's business and relationship status. I wish it wasn't true. But if you date someone from a nearby school no one can give you grief or BS. Take those posers out of the loop.

Hopefully this advice helps you. Remember it's not you, high-school is just hard in general. It defiantly is not the place to discover yourself. I did all my discovery after the school day was over far away outside. Just get through the day and go somewhere fun afterwards.

 

I am still dealing with that problem. I guard my feelings carefully and do not come out to people if I don't know they're gay.
I just can't take the rejection. The reason I am here (seeking help) is that I have become embittered. I didn't think it would happen
but it has. I know I am capable of love but don't want to experience it! I am afraid that I will not have any sexual response either.
The lesbians I have met are not kind to me and I have just about given up on the chance to have a good sex or love life.

 

Dating while in the closet is tough and has its limitations as you can surmise. Believe me I know all too well. If your not sure if someone is gay or not, try asking small probing off handed questions and analyze their responses. For example: How do you feel about the LGBT community?, I saw this gay couple the other day do this and it peaked my curiosity - how would you feel if you saw that?, I have this gay friend with this imaginary problem - how do you think I should help them?, did you hear what this gay celebrity did?, I saw this LGBT controversy the other day online and it was so confusing - do you understand this problem? Additionally, after I asked these offhanded questions in the past, I also asked them if they knew anybody who was gay or gay at school. They would point them out to me or the people they at least thought were gay, and did all the work for me. Some of these people were cruel and others were allies, but it helped narrow my search down.

That being said, I found greater success going to exclusive LGBT groups or singles events to date or grow my social network. However, I know your options are limited, being stuck at school and home right now. If nothing else you can work on loving yourself and growing as a person, so you'll be even more ready and capable to date when you become more independent.

 

You're right, we don't get encouraged by anyone to date and go to the dance and all that. Society wants us to be straight and make babies to work for the owner class. I hope it gets better for you and thought it would be all fine by now, but nope and likely never will with the trend toward authoritarians all over the world ffs.