I'm all kinds of confused and weird feeling rn, so apologies if this is weird. I felt all ready to come out to my family, like I knew who I was and was ready to embrace my true self, but now I feel so .... BLEH. They accepted me, said they loved me, and honestly it's really touching, but I just feel so unsure and a little nauseous, despite the fact that I was accepted. I guess now the reality of the monolith that is transition is right in front of me now and I just feel so much more lost and confused than I have for a while. Like there's this knot in my chest that won't go away. Did other people feel like this when they came out? Did I make a mistake? Is this a sign that I'm not trans enough??????????
The answer to those questions is no and no. It's great that coming out to your family went well. But it sounds like you're now looking up at the mountain that is transitioning and feeling a bit overwhelmed.. daunted, maybe? And it is daunting. It's a process that will years, a clear mind, tenacity and lots of determination. So what can you do in the meantime? You need some gender euphoria in your life - do you have more friends you can come out to? Places you can be yourself? People beyond your family who accept you as you are. A new wardrobe too. Do you have a girl pal you can go shopping with? And a plan for medical transition - what's the next step? How easy is it to get onto hormones where you are? Have you done any research into it? You're in the foothills of what is going to be a long arduous journey, Deviltown. But please don't be daunted. Along the way you'll encounter many of us fellow travellers and a lot of the sweet joy that is gender euphoria. There is a lot to look forward to! Good luck! Beth x
There are no such thing as trans enough. Only you yourself can say whether you are trans or are not. It all takes time to come into conclusion. I think doubting can be a good thing. Take time to look into yourself. It's all a journey and take baby steps. There is no need to rush with anything. An accepting enviroment makes this a lot better. I reccomend talking about your feelings and therapy too can bring clarity. Chasing euphoria isn't always a good thing. It's something that you can get obsessed over. Speaking from personal experience. The main thing is to feel happy within.
Devil Town.....You've reach a significant stage in the path that you have set out on. It's not a surprise that there is a bit of a pause or a break at this point. It's like finishing a major part of a college degree...wow! I made it this far...pause...catch my breath...now what? Well, now you catch your breath! You've been under pressure and now the pressure, at least for that part of the journey is lifted. Take a bit of a break, sit back, perhaps take some time to reevaluate this journey that you have been on. None of this has to do with you not being trans enough. Where do you go from here? Well again, that's up to you. How fast do you go? ...up to you. What road to take? That choice is yours but you don't necessarily have to decide that right this minute! You feel overwhelmed at the rest of the journey...ok that's understandable, but remember that no matter how hard and how long the journey may be, you can never take more than one step at a time. So go ahead and sit back for a moment, make some plans, catch your break and when your ready...not before...take that next step! .....David
