Had a full on panic attack there. I've never felt as anxious as this before - only since I've started uni. If this is what regular life is like as an adult, I have to question if I'm cut out for much in this world.
You are going to be okay, actually, better than okay. The quote above gives you the answer to your worries and fears.
Feeling a bit better now. One other issue that has cropped up is that I think I may be kinda hard of hearing. Was really struggling to talk to a server in a cafe earlier on, he was wearing a mask, music was on and I could barely hear what he was saying. People also say that I speak louder than I should.
Awake earlier than planned, maybe I can accomplish something today. Haha. Hope everyone has a great day!
Feeling tired and dead inside. It's hopeless, I will never be me. The guidelines of the local Gender Identity Clinic are straight from the dark ages (1970s), forget WPATH, say hello to hardcore transmedicalism. What kind of twisted logic is this: * If gender dysphoria is causing you depression, your dysphoria can not be treated on account of the depression. First you'd have to cure yourself of the depression to receive treatment for the dysphoria, which is causing the depression. Fucking catch-22.
Thank you! It was extremely relaxed and felt more like a chat. Numerous things he said were the exact opposite of my old manager, which I consider huge green flags lol
I keep comparing myself to my friends who already have a solid place in the world. Conparing yourself to others is bad, but it keep happening regardless.
Around 4 hours into an 18 hour period of intermittent fasting. I hope this is worth it! Thankfully already dropped some pounds in the last few weeks.
I'm feeling...very low. Like, kind of want to just curl up in a ball and sleep. I've been in a writing slump the past couple weeks. I interviewed for position today that I thought went well and was feeling positive about I found out one of my old roommates got hired for another position at that district tonight and asked him to find out who got the position I interviewed for. Obviously, it wasn't me. I'm just exhausted. I've applied and interviewed at districts literally all across my state since May 2019 and...nothing. I've been somewhat fine with it until recently when I'm seeing people who just graduated and only been through a handful of interviews get hired. I just need something positive to happen. I need someone to take a chance on me. I still have applications out and at least one interview scheduled coming up but...I'm just exhausted. I'm trying really hard to keep positive but right now I just want to stay in bed all weekend and be miserable.
As you had the interview only today, it is likely that they might not have made a decision for that position yet. Don't throw in the towel based on what your old roommate got. It is okay to take a break from the job searching and interviews. The positive could very well be having some time just for yourself, without worrying about application deadlines and interview preparation.
Oh no, they did . I texted him to congratulate him to see if a decision had been made on the position I interviewed for. They had and I didn't get it. They had told me during the interview that a decision would be made tonight. However, I also know that the position was advertised with an ESL certification preferred (it's a heavy poverty and large hispanic population area), so my lack of cert and lack of experience working with ESL programs was a weak point going in. I can accept that as the reason I wasn't chosen, since someone with an ESL cert would do much more for the students than I can at my current level of teaching experience. But I vented to my parents and I feel better now than when I made that post. Still feeling down, but looking more at the positives (applications I have out, interviews coming up, etc.) than one negative. It sucks, but I don't have much control over it so I just have to move forward. Tomorrow, I hope to find out if my high school will be offering me a "permanent" building substitute position. It'll be day-to-day pay, but nearly guaranteed work and having my face in the school for around 3-3.5 weeks per month all school year. If I can secure that, I'll definitely feel much better about things going on with less pressure around finding a job. (I thought I posted this last night...whoops.)
Taking a Twitter vacation for a few weeks, possibly even permanently. Would rather erase all negativity from my life.
My parents are getting some building work done in the garden. The guy doing it is someone who they've employed many times before but he just makes me really uncomfortable and kinda speaks to me like a lazy, no-good idiot. Granted, he might mean no harm and it could be his sense of humour but he's been around for like 6 years and my reaction has remained the same every time so why does he persist? I've just decided to ignore him as much as possible now. I'm happy with saying hello to someone I don't really get on with but he clearly can't resist making a comment of sorts and in all of these years, I've never seen any friendliness from his end so best to say nothing at all, especially since the dislike is mutual. Maybe he dislikes me because I'm a more feminine/sensitive type? Is it rude to give this guy the cold shoulder? I don't want to come across as a bad person. All this said, I talk way too much about those I dislike, should maybe focus more on those I do get on with.