I don't know if I blacked out or fell asleep. All I know is that in the course of a night, I almost threw away my 3+ year long relationship and I'm shitting bricks that it's going to be official before the year is out. Relapse has literally been on my mind for almost two weeks, and I feel like all I do is fuck shit up.
If you need to vent, hit up my wall. -- Well, here's my stupid little dilema of today. Guy I was texting for a couple weeks showed up as a "Person You May Know" on Facebook. He's apparently mutual friends with a friend of mine. Should I add him? Or would that be weird? I mean, he was nice. (And cute) I dunno if I'm ready to seriously date though. And would it weird him out if he saw a friend request from me? :\
I'm thinking about the fact that I've had a bit of a hard time feeling lately, almost as though I need to force emotion.
Ugh. I thought I had that piece of shit's picture removed from all my online accounts... But I log into my Microsoft account (though I'm basically an Apple guy, I still use Word because, let's face it, everyone else does). What still happens to be my account picture? A picture of my ex and I together. Probably from when I still had a Windows computer- it died when we first moved in together. I actually feel kind of sick to my stomach, even though I changed the pic.
I'm thinking that I need to get rid of these socks with the hole in the toe cause that big toe poking through is driving me crazy.
I feel so awful today, I need to find a way to calm down and stop feeling as if I have to hide in a corner and cry.
Welp... Guy I debated on friending/wanted to ask out just got in a relationship. He was nice about it but still, gotta admit I'm crushed. Even though I'm still edgy on the relationship thing...
I myself don't feel that well. But I'm more worried about my stepdad. He's been a lot of pain today, and I think his appendix busted.
This is the second time I learn of someone's death through facebook. I'm a bit angry about that but I know that my family won't talk to me about it is because I'm trans, they don't want me in their life anymore. My aunt's boyfriend recently died from cancer. I've known him my whole life and he was with my aunt for even longer than that. He was a great guy to be around, maybe a little bit annoying sometimes but he was a great guy... Also, I've come so close to starting hrt, my intake appointment is next week and I actually have transportation to it~.
Just hasn't been my day... I'm trying to get to the bottom of my top surgery thing. Apparently I'm too fat...but I've known guys with a larger BMI and a lot unhealthier that got top surgery. I mention I'm starting a non-profit to family: "meh." Top surgery: "meh." I briefly consider dating: "Nope, dating someone else. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."