Hello, I'm a 21 y/o female questioning her sexual orientation. For now, I started a diary in which I write about my feelings, I made a list of crushes I've had throughout my life, and the reasons why I might be bi/gay and reasons why I might be straight. I've also watched some YouTube videos for people questioning their sexuality. It would probably be a good idea to talk to some LGBT people, especially bisexual, since this is the label I feel the most inclined towards. Do you have any other tips to help me discover and explore my sexuality? I know that I can try dating men and women and see how it goes, but I don't know if a woman would want to date me if I told her I'm not 100% sure I'm into girls. Moreover, do you think the things listed below might be an indicator of a person's orientation: - The Kinsey scale test (I know that Internet quizzes are probably not reliable but this one claims to be based on scientific research; it placed me in the homosexual quadrant) - Feeling the desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationship with a certain gender, not necessarily a specific person (even before I started having crushes on women, I would often feel the desire to be with a woman and fantasize about it) - Imagining what it would be like if you were in a relationship with a same-sex friend, without being romantically or sexually attracted to them - Experiencing something in between platonic and romantic feelings towards someone - Preferring to fantasize about a certain gender (in my case women) or preferring to read lesbian erotic stories over straight ones - Feeling that I would prefer to have sex or be in a relationship with a certain gender - Crushes on fictional characters - Feeling uncomfortable when a man is flirting with me (I don't know how it would be if a woman flirted with me because it never happened) - Having an interest in LGBT things (as a teen I was very interested in sexual orientations and gender identities; I often had ideas for stories with characters in f/f relationships and I was obsessed with cartoon lesbian ships; I was an overly excited ally; I sometimes watch a movie only because it has queer themes/characters) - Feeling connected to queer artists/celebrities
I dont think that having interest in lgbt things, or connecting to a queer artist, or even read some type of erotica means anything to your sexuality. The others i agree it could help you discover who you are attracted to (if you dont have ocd, than its another story)
Hello, Aelin! While some of the things listed aren't necessarily indicators, others most certainly can and have been. The fact that you've fantasized about women, have had crushes on them, etc. is a pretty strong indication that at the very least, you're not straight. Whether you are bisexual or a lesbian, however, only you can sort out for certain. The Kinsey scale is a bit dated, but it can be helpful in at least ascertaining that even if someone is/believes themselves to be straight, there is seldom a 100% straight or 100% factor. Many people, whatever their label fall somewhere between, even if the difference is as little as 99.9%. I think the best way you can determine whether you're bi or lesbian is to examine your feelings, past and present, towards men. If you can say with certainty that you've never had a crush or felt a strong desire toward men, or even that any you might have felt more like you were expected to rather than you genuinely felt anything, then it's a pretty good bet that you're a lesbian. If you have experienced attraction to men, even if to a lesser extent when compared to women, then it's safe to say you're bi. What's important is what you feel fits you best. Even if this changes later on, that's okay! Life is all about finding ourselves, and sometimes that means trying on different labels or none at all until something sticks.
Personally speaking, you don't need to forcibly figure out your sexuality like that. Just go with the flow. If you like a girl, try it out with her and see if she likes you too. If you like a boy, same as I said. If you like both, then that's OK too. When you meet the right person etc, you will know it.
You're absolutely right, there's no need to rush things. It's just that when I started seriously questioning my sexual orientation, I've had thoughts like "It's so late, I'm already 21 and still don't know who I am", or "I need to figure out my sexuality right now because I'm not able to concentrate on anything else". I know that everything takes time and everyone takes things at a different pace, but it frustrates me that it's taking so long. I should probably try not to focus on it so much, but lately it's become an obsession.
Thank you for your reply. For now I think I'm closer to labeling myself as bisexual, as I've had crushes on men and I think that at least some of them have been genuine. I probably shouldn't try to rush things so much and try to find out my sexuality immediately, it's okay to take my time
Go to the LGBT later in life section. There are people who have figured out their sexuality (or faced it) when they are 50 or so. So it's not a big deal. Most people are bisexual to some extent, so don't let it worry you.
Thanks, I see that everyone takes things at a different pace, some people already know their sexuality when they're 13 and for some it takes decades to figure it out. I just have this tendency to compare myself with other people, in this case those who figured out their sexuality earlier.
I figured out when I was 15 r so. I was a horny boy so it wasn't difficult for me to understand it, haha. Anyway, hope you get to figure your sexuality out soon too.
