Hi! I was curious if there were any questions you would recommend a young trans person should ask themselves before going on the path of medically transitioning. I'm just trying to figure myself out and could really use some help. Cheers!
Well...how much do you want it? I take it you're asking about yourself, Redstatic. In which case with testosterone your voice will deepen and your facial hair will grow. Again, is this something you really really want? If it is, fantastic. But if it's just a passing whim, stop and listen to your inner voice. Beth
I feel a constant yearning for every change testosterone offers. From voice and facial hair, to less visible changes, like body hair, bottom growth, changed skin texture. I think the two things I wouldn't be too thrilled for would be my body odor changing and the (slim) possibility of going bald. But I could live with them, if it meant I got everything else. I wouldn't say I always wanted every single change since starting questioning a few years ago, but as I did more research and played with the idea more, everything feels like it'd be worth it. And the yearning has only gotten stronger over the years. Theo
1) How long have you been questioning your gender identity? A few months, years, since childhood? As Beth has said, make sure this isn't a passing whim, and something that you know will make you feel complete. 2) Have you started the transition process in general? Have you made an attempt to pass as male? Felt euphoria when binding/packing; or being gendered as male by strangers? Wherever you are in your transition process, the first step I would always suggest is to start with socially transitioning if you haven't already. Start with names, pronouns, clothing, hair, and try passing as male before taking hormones. 3) How do you feel about your body currently? Do you see yourself as a man? Talk with other trans people. Listen to their stories of how they realized they were transgender and see if you relate.
Is it what I need for myself in order to be happy with my body or am I doing it in order to be accepted by others? Because the truth is that passing 100% doesn't make you more accepted by trasphobes. If someone would accept you, they would do so without requiring you to pass.
1. It's been a continuous journey for the past few years. I discovered what beinf trans meant at 15, and started seriously questioning at 17. I am 20 now. I'm currently in therapy and trying to figure out if it's a passing whim or not. I went in asking 'did I brainwash myself into believing this?' 2. I pushed for men's clothing since I hit puberty because I never felt comfortable in women's. I cut my hair at 16, got my first binder at 18, and have been out as a guy to my closest friends for about 2 years, I think. Have tried packing with diy packers, and just ordered an STP to further explore my gender without any permanent changes. I've been going to the gym in an attempt to masculinize my body, too. 3. I have weird feelings about my body, mostly indifference and detachment. On my worst days, I feel hyper aware of myself and can't be outside without feeling incredibly anxious because I know everyone sees me as a girl. I currently see myself as a prepubescent boy with female parts forcefully attached to his body. I genuinely don't feel like I've hit puberty yet, even though I technically have, just not the right one. I can't see my future self as a woman, just a man. Honestly I would rather not transition in order to avoid being shunned. Transitioning would be 100% for me. I wish for people to look at me and think Man.
I've just thought of another important question, Redstatic - do you feel you could go through the rest of your life as a woman? That was one of the clincher questions for me. I felt I could..possibly live the rest of my life as a male, but it would be like a living death. I would be so so unhappy. It was that that made my mind up. Beth
I could, but it would mean continuing to feel like a ghost inhabiting some random body. I would always feel invisible and detached from everything going on. Which is manageable now, but I'm not sure how manageable it will be after I will have lived 30-40 years like that. I don't think I could ever fulfill some of my aspirations as a woman though, for example I could never raise a family as a woman, I could never be a mother, even in a lesbian relationship. I think I'd end up resenting that role with time. And resenting my entire life, even if it would take some time to reach that point.
Ju Just wanted to add (because I have no clue how to edit responses lol): I think I'd end up feeling humiliated if I were to achieve everything I wish to achieve (career wise and family wise). I can't stand the idea of making a name of myself as a woman.
I really related to number three and the last paragraph- a lot. While my situation is vastly different in ways (or it seems, based on number 2), I understand what that's like. What's helped me is thinking of my future- would I be happier as a woman and getting to keep my biological family and a lot of my friends in this town, or being a man and having the freedom to be one? It's been a very hard question to answer, excruciatingly difficult, but it's helped me figure things out. ^This was another good one to ask yourself. And PS, I used to think I didn't want kids at all. It was the thought of being a mother or the 'biological way' of having kids that made me physically sick- I actually realized want to be a father someday down the line, quite a bit. I had to really examine the depths of my inner self for that one.
The question thar I asked myself was how I saw myself in the future. I really did not see me being able to continue on as living as female. It just seemed really odd to me. Somebody said to me that as I got older my body would take on a more feminine shape and that really freaked me out. That was really when I realized that I wanted to physically transition.