I have no idea what to do. My spouse of 30+ years and I are both trans. My spouse is a fully binary trans woman, three years into transition and is preparing for bottom surgery. I am bi- gender, both male and female, and heading for bottom surgery myself - I already had top surgery and hysto. I maintain a femme female appearance while transitioning my body to male. The problem is sexuality. I need cock. The real thing. My spouse is no longer capable of penetration due to HRT effects and soon won't have one at all. Dildos don't do it for me, at all. I tried many types. In fact they make me feel worse, as a guy they highlight what's missing, as a girl they feel icky, physically. Mechanical and cold, unfeeling. Impersonal. I am exploding with sexual needs that aren't met through other sex (oral, etc), which basically serves as foreplay to me. I haven't had a full-blown orgasm in almost two years. However I love my spouse and we still enjoy non-sexual intimacy, otherwise it's a dead bedroom. More and more often I do myself fending off my spouse's advances. My spouse wants me to enjoy future pussy, but I'm just not there and probably never will be. I'm androsexual. Period. I can't imagine being unfaithful, and it would just about kill me to hurt my spouse by leaving. I don't see having an open relationship, my spouse isn't the kind of person who could handle sharing me. It's getting almost painful, denying my physical needs, and I don't have a clue where I'd find a decent sex partner anyway. My area isn't exactly known for having a lot of clean, decent guys available for such an arrangement. And I'm picky. This sucks.
I think that you either need to consider other options or accepting your situation. You seem to have painted yourself into a corner. You say you must be sexual, and that sexual activity must be with someone who has a functional penis but that there are no options of being with anyone who has a functional penis. Until you decide to allow for something in that situation to change then you are stuck.
