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Tired of being unable to treat dysphoria, but also hate myself for being trans

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TinyWerewolf, Jul 28, 2023.

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  1. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    Title is the tl:dr (too long, didn't read) of this thread. This could be triggering for some, please take care if you decide to read.

    So here I am, title sets the premis here. I'm abused by my family and it would be different if I were cisgender. If I had been born with the correct set of genitals everyone would be happier overall- especially me. What dice did I have to roll in front of God before I was born, and why did it have to land like this? "Oh you'll be a man stuck in a body that starts off female, and you'll be born to a family that will mistreat you for it, good luck!" Then there's the fact that 99.9% of people I interact with see me as a woman, and I can't even correct them. I hate being short, this stupid high voice, these body parts I didn't want, being forced to be a girl, and being unable to do anything about it until I escape.
     
    #1 TinyWerewolf, Jul 28, 2023
  2. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
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    Hey Jack, I know, it's horrible. I have thought exactly the same things as you. When I first realised I was trans, one of my first reactions was 'oh f***, that's all I need in my life!'

    And yes everyday dysphoria sucks. I'm in the situation today and for the next few days where I'm in the closet. I'm having to wear male clothes and pretend to be someone I'm not any more. It's horrible.

    BUT...I know it's only temporary. I find I can put up with a certain amount of dysphoria if I know there is euphoria coming around the corner. And that's what I feel you're not getting enough of. You don't have many times when people see you for who you are - a young man.

    Well, we do here. To me - and everyone else here - you're Jack. Of course, you're not the finished article. Neither am I. But I can already see the man you're going to turn into when you finally access hormones. I know I've said this to you before - but you're going to be such a cool dude!

    Anyway, just to say that I'm with you. Will PM you over the weekend, my brother.

    Big hugs, Beth xx
     
    #2 chicodeoro, Jul 28, 2023
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  3. Rayland

    Rayland
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    I just wanted to send you hugs. I don't have any good solutions there, but remember that you are you, wheter you are in a wrong body or not. To us you're always been a guy. You're a guy deep inside no matter, if others near you don't see it.
     
    #3 Rayland, Jul 28, 2023
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  4. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    Thank you both, I'm tired of not being seen as a real man. It's disheartening and downright infuriating. At least you two do *hugs*
     
    #4 TinyWerewolf, Jul 28, 2023
  5. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Life sometimes can be pretty difficult to bear. At the same time, it teaches resilience, confidence, it opens windows into the person you want to become. The most important thing to remember as you go through this difficult time is that what other people think, how they see you, doesn't matter. What matters is how you see yourself and whether you allow how others see you dictate how you feel. You know who you are and know there is a bright future ahead of you.

    This is not to minimize the situation you are facing at the moment. It is hard as we need a sense of belonging, acceptance, and love from the very people we are around day in and day out. You have support in place that you can rely on.

    You mentioned your goal at the end of your post. Keep working towards it. Don't lose sight of moving or relocating to a different place.
     
    #5 Mirko, Jul 29, 2023
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  6. PrettyBoyBlue

    PrettyBoyBlue
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    Jack, I read your post from the weekend, I'm so sorry to hear what you have to go through. I hate to say it, but if your family is like mine (and many others) they will *always* find something to be upset about, even if you weren't transgender. So I hope one day you won't hate yourself for being however you are. It's very sad to hear you say that you hate yourself.

    Currently, I'm in this process of turning all of this anger into empathy.. I eventually came to realize a number people who harmed me were also victims themselves. It's a weird moment in my life that I never expected. But the reason I say all this is because once I realized I could have this empathy for others, for some genuinely terrible people, it made me realize that I had the capacity to be kinder to myself, and it's made all the difference.

    I don't know if anything I'm saying is inappropriate, or even remotely helpful. (Definitely NOT telling you to wrap your family in a big hug right now!) I guess what I'm trying to say is, nothing's really worth doing unless you do it out of love... moving out and living the life you want because you love yourself, not just because you hate the situation you're in. I know.. easier said than done.

    Stay strong pal, we're all rooting for you :hugging:
     
    #6 PrettyBoyBlue, Aug 1, 2023
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2023
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