Therapy

I wish I could have gotten my ex-wife into some kind of therapy after I came out, but she has always resisted anything that might imply she was not perfect and it wasn't the rest of the world that needed to change! In the end she made it through the worst and eventually was pursued by a widower who has largely taken control of her life, and she seems happy. Or as happy as she gets....which still might be better with some therapy, but that's not my problem now.

I went to a couple sessions myself, largely because I was worried that my new relationship was some kind of a rushed, ill-advised and rather adolescent reaction to coming out. In the 3rd session, the therapist looked at me a little quizzically and asked what exactly I needed help with. When I couldn't come up with anything, she said "Neither can I", and we called it quits. He and I are approaching 10 years together so I guess we were both right - but the point is, absolutely be open to it if you feel there is some value in it for you, and you think you will be more content for doing it, and can better deal with the changes in your life. There is absolutely no shame in getting help. This may be the biggest line in the timeline of your life that separates the "before" from the "after", so make sure the "after" is an improvement.

 

Im thinking of going to therapy

 

I like the full cup reference. I am starting up with a therapist this month. I have worked with one in the past and the act of being able to share our thoughts and feelings with another person without judgment can make a big difference. They are an under appreciated profession.

Also, I still think of Mayim Bialik as Blossom… dating myself here! Either way… she’s great!

 

I am getting nervous about going to therapist in few weeks. Worried he might tell me something I will have to tell my wife which might be difficult for her to handle.

 

Thanks David. Good advice! I actually switched therapists for the reasons you list. I just wasn't sure the other person would be understanding. The person I will be seeing is LGBTQ affirming so I am hopeful it will be a positive experience.

 

Hope its a good experence

 

I'm finally happy with my therapist now. It's the third one that I've tried in last two years. I thought that the first one was working well, but now I see that her method and point of view were harming me. It was not her fault, I know: it's only it didn't fit with me. I chose her because she has experience with LGTBI therapy, but her solutions were based on convincing me that, if I needed to put space and time between me and my loved ones because I felt burnt, then I had to do it, as I could change my reaction to thing that annoy or disturb me. But it only made me feel so bad with myself, as I noticed that I was putting my loved ones far away from me... and making them believe that it was the solution that I needed. It wasn't. I didn't realize that until now.

With the therapist that I'm visiting now this are improving a lot. Slowly, but firmly. It hurts, it really hurts, as I've finally identified my fears, and I have accepted that I can't change how I react to whatever is around me, but I can change indeed how I act. And I'm working so hard to find out who I want to be, what I want to do (not just what I have to), and how could a take decisions that I'd be proud of.

It's a good experience. But you have to find the right therapist. And that process could be painful and dangerous. A bad therapist, or someone who doesn't fit with the right therapy with you, can hurt you a lot. Just as a bad doctor do with your physical pain or disease.

 

Yes, that's exactly what my therapist tells me! She is not there to tell me what to do, but to help me to understand how I am and what I want, why I act as I do, and what could make me happy. And she certainly, when she approaches to an opinion about how I am or what should I do, she is very careful... and she is so good that she targets on the exact point! I really appreciate that.

 

Thx Rayland. I will go into session with an open mind and will be truthful and honest. I’m just worried therapist will tell me to tell wife I’m bi as I know I am. Is it possible to live a happy married life as a bi husband…..

I have had a few gay hookups before married but don’t want to act on my urges bc I don’t want to ruin a great marriage. I’m hoping therapy will help me deal with this.

 

Thx for those amazingly supportive words. U are making me tear up with those kind words. I really need it as I have been in a bad place since outed for CD.

I’m not sure how open my wife will be with me exploring on the side but maybe if I take it in baby steps she might open up.

At least she is willing to listen to me about my feelings these days and we are talking often.

Again thx for sincere words.

 

I had my first therapy session this week. It went really well! It was so nice to talk this through out loud with someone. I was a bit nervous going in, but once we started I was able to relax. Interacting with people on EC definitely helped me be more comfortable in therapy. It feels really good to finally be talking about this as opposed to hiding it and keeping it to myself.

 

WonderQuest, what u wrote is exactly how I feel. I have only gone to one therapy session but ur note gave me more confidence that therapy will work. I am nervous my marriage will fall apart but seeing how u were able to stay together as a gay husband it makes me feel like I can stay married as bisexual.

Is ur marriage open?

R u still intimate with ur wife?