A little context: I have only just recently come to the realization that I am transgender(mtf). I heavily repressed my thoughts and feelings from the time I was a child till now. I won't go into all that here, but feel free to ask for details I'm happy to share. I am in now happily 2 years married, my wife and I have a very healthy relationship, basically never argue, same religious and political views(atheists, progressive liberals), etc. This is the first thing in our nearly decade long relationship that I am afraid to talk to her about. Is there anyone here that has come out to their spouse that can tell me how to bring this up? I am terrified to lose her. Follow up: I am on a wait list to speak with a gender therapist, should I talk to them first about it? I hate the feeling that I am hiding this, it's destroying me.
It might be best to wait until you have spoken to the therapist first. Your therapist can discuss more of the details of your life and can help you come up with the softest way of approaching your particular spouse. I never had to come out after marriage, though I was compelled to detransition for the first two.
Thanks, that was what I was leaning towards, I think I need someone to help me sort myself a little further before I talk with my wife and close friends and family. I feel I need to come to the decision as to how I want to proceed, transition?, Or try living as a woman sometimes? If I don't address this I know it will likely negatively impact my mentalbhealth. I don't know. I will say if you took away all the social ties and I was alone to choose, I'd 100% start transition right this instant. But life is not that simple.
It might come to that, I wish for you that it does not though. I do recommend to anyone considering transition that if they can live and function well while behaving within their birth assignment that they should. Living against what society tries to compel us to is not easy and there are many roadblocks to transition and to life during and after transition. For me though it was essential and I could not live any other way and I am happy living as my true self, it did however mean losing my entire family and walking away from relationships.
AlanaRi.....Hello and a very big welcome to Empty Closets! Without a doubt, you are in a tough situation. Do you have any idea how long your wait to see the gender therapist will be? I'm thinking that talking to the therapist before you talk to your wife could be a very good choice. The therapist has gone through this kind of situation before and could give you very important advice and support. The old phrase that; "There's no reason to re-invent the wheel" seems to fit here. Instead of you trying to figure out how to handle this situation by yourself, finding out some Do's and Don'ts from the therapist would be a very good idea. There's a sub-forum here on Empty Closets titled: "Gender Identity and Expression". That would be a great place for you to post as there are a lot of people there who have dealt with some of the things that you are going through. We're so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets...remember, you are a part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care! Please keep us updated on how this goes. .....David
