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struggling.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by masterofnone, Sep 18, 2021.

  1. masterofnone

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    hey guys. some if you guys may have seen my posts, i have ocd fixated on my sexual orientation. i’m an 18 yo male and honestly i’ve been struggling recently. i was getting better but these past few days have been really depressing. i see beautiful women and at first i get really happy thoughts, sometimes arousal and then i get an intrusive thought saying “what if you don’t like that, or you figure out one day you are gay” and i just feel so depressed. everytime i think about having a beautiful girlfriend to come home to, sleep with etc. that fills me with joy but then the intrusive thoughts come back and ruin everything. i can’t imagine having those happy thoughts with guys or having a boyfriend. the idea of that is quite literally devastating to me. i don’t want to be gay. not to say there’s anything wrong with that. being gay to me is like losing access to women which is what i like. id live a fairly happy and judgment free life if i was gay. my friends and family are all fairly progressive. idek what this post is for its just depressing.
     
  2. Rayland

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    If girls fill you with joy, then I don’t see why you should be fixated on being gay. I don’t think you need to worry about what might happen in the future that much. Just enjoy the life you have now and date all the girls you want. You will figure it all out eventually. You are young. I am 30 years old and just now discovering myself.
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    This is your OCD again. Just like I have to tell myself repeatedly that "I am not going to die, no matter what this feels like" every time that I have a panic attack. Whenever you feel this you have to tell yourself "This is my OCD". Keep up your medication and talk to your therapist. If you need to, have a talk with your psychiatrist and see if a medication adjustment could help.
     
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  4. masterofnone

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    i know it’s an irrational fear. i think the idea of living a lie is just such a strong fear of mine
     
  5. masterofnone

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    thank you for your help
     
  6. Sadness

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    This is your ocd talking. I have fears about this too, everytime. Even though i dont think i have ocd, i had a lot of intrusive thoughts too. So im just trying to accept myself. Just not worry about this, relax. I mostly fear sex and dating, dont know if i will ever be able to do it now and be in a relationship anymore, but i just dont care. I think this is the best way to deal with this. Ive been feeling numb and empty these past few days, so its easy to just dont care lol.
     
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  7. Rayland

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    I do get why you are afraid. At least I think I get it. You fear the uncertainty of the future. Nothing in this world is certain though.

    I have lots of irrational fears as well and I keep telling myself that I just can’t keep getting frightened about stuff, that might not come true. It just gets in the way of the life I’m trying to have. Too much worrying is not good for your health either. It’s easy to say don’t worry be happy, but it’s harder to live by it. For now I at least try to live in the moment and do things that I enjoy doing. It’s certain, that there will be difficulties for me in the future, but I will try to solve that hurdle, when I get there. At least this is the solution I have come up for myself.
     
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  8. masterofnone

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    probably some of the best advice ive gotten on here. thank you so much
     
  9. Rayland

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    You’re very welcome. Glad I could help :slight_smile: