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sooo confused about my sexuality. this has been upsetting me all week. help

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Tiny Catastrophe, Jul 23, 2009.

  1. Tiny Catastrophe

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    So about a month ago I made it official that I'm bisexual and I thought I liked girls but I made out with one of my friends who is obviously a girl and it just didn't feel right. Now I'm wondering if I'm straight and I just don't know. Me and my friend talked about it and she said maybe it's because we're friends but that's just not it. I'm back to being sexuality confused and it's really depressing me. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. How do I figure out who I am?
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! Sexual identities can change and they are fluid. Maybe try not to label yourself at this stage. As you are discovering, sexual identity is a complex thing and it will take some time to figure things out and to come to terms with all of your feelings. Trying to experiment and thinking about what all your feelings mean to you, is good but maybe try to give your self a little break. I know it is easier said than done, because once our feelings/confusion about our sexual orientation take a hold it can be difficult to get out of it again and gaining a distance/a different perspective on it all.

    That said, and although you made out with a friend and you felt it wasn't right, it doesn't necessarily mean that your sexual orientation has changed. Other factors will influence how we feel about making out with a friend. It could very well be that at some level or the unconscious level, making out with a friend, didn't sit right with you. If this is the first time, I wouldn't read too much into it at this stage. You might feel quite differently about someone else. At times, for things to feel right, we need to 'click' first with the other person.

    Another reason could be internal homophobia that had built up over time. Coming to terms with your sexual identity, and feeling good when making out are connected to that. Internal homophobia can be powerful in that a part of you wants to explore all aspects of your sexual identity, while another part says not so fast. Overcoming all of it, will take time. The important thing is that you don't rush things and that you take your time.

    What helped me a lot, was talking to a counselor on a regular basis. Maybe this is something you could look into as well. Although it is summer, maybe a counselor at your school or perhaps even a teacher that you trust and are comfortable talking to, is still around. Maybe give that a try. When we talk about things and let our thoughts/feelings out, often times we do gain a different perspective on things. Often times we start understanding our feelings better. If you have the chance, maybe try making an appointment with a counselor at your school.

    If that is not an option, maybe you could also call the LGBT youth line. Again, talking out aloud about your feelings with those who have gone through what you are experiencing can help in making sense of them. You are never alone in going through it all.

    I hope this helps a bit!
     
  3. George1

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    When you made out with this girl, it might not have felt right because of the circumstances. I know if I went up to a friend and started making out with him it'd feel horrendously wrong because it wasn't with an actual partner.

    :slight_smile: Try not to stress about it and what you are will naturally come to you.
     
  4. littledinosaurs

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    I agree with what has been said, it's cause of who you were making out with, not her sex.
    Just because it feels wrong/right one time that doesn't define your entire sexual preference.
     
  5. malachite

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    ditto.

    But, don't freak about having to figure things out right now. There is no time limit on this.
     
  6. carrie90

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    meh your young you have all the time in the world i wouldn't feel right making out with a friend not if there isn't a connection
     
  7. JakeBHT

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    Be chilled and let the moment pass. It felt wiered when i was kissing someone a while back (femail) it wasn't because of that though, it was for many other reasons but I didn't think I was Gay. Just try not to read too much into it!