Okay, get ready for a long post. I've posted my story a few places but I feel here would be the best place. So, I'm a 16 year old boy who thinks that I might be gay, but will never come to accept it. Okay, so I fully support gay rights and even have a few gay friends, but I just cannot picture myself with another man in life. And when I saw that, it is not just because it is obscure in society. I REALLY cannot picture myself being with a man instead of a woman. It is essentially as if I am physically attracted to men, yet emotionally attracted to women. And that is not to say my heart doesn't race when I'm talking with a "hot" guy but I've only ever had relationships with women. So, I do remember gay feelings since childhood (i.e. getting an erection when changing in the locker room) But, this might be because I was brought up by my mom and constantly hung out with my sister and her friends. This has caused me to be feminine, but my best friends are mostly guys (and a few girls). I've had girlfriends and I always seem to have anxiety about my relationships. Okay, so I used to watch straight porn often but then I strayed into gay porn. It is all that truly "satisfies" me when I watch it. I have "hooked up" with one of my gay friends several times when he sleeps over, but he is definitely straight. It is just experimentation, and it turns me on while doing it but afterward I feel guilty. Yes, I do have a slightly homophobic family, but this has not contributed to my guilt or anxiety feeling about my sexuality. I openly voice my pro-gay views around them. I do hook up with girls at parties, but it is generally when I'm intoxicated. I enjoy hooking up with girls, but it doesn't quite have the spark that the idea of hooking up with men does. Due to my insane confusion, I ALWAYS feel depressed and even miserable. I worry about the future so much. Will I want a wife and kids like I've always dreamed? Or will I want a husband, the thought of which is extremely strange to me? I also worry what if I do get a wife and into our marriage I realize I'm gay? It truly afflicts me every single day. And the thing is, I never truly have a "crush" on anyone anymore. Boy or girl. Feeling depressed seems to take up most of my time, and I would undoubtedly choose to be straight if I could. What do you think? Am I gay? Bi? Pansexual is what I would think, but it seems to not really apply. I have no real "crush" on anyone. But when I do have an emotional attraction, it is to women. But physically my attraction to men is much greater than that to women. A little advice from people who know this topic well is all I really need, I think. :bang::bang::bang::help::help::help:
This all sounds almost exactly like me. I'm still working on what my sexuality is exactly but I can give you a few pointers. Firstly about not being romantically attracted to guys, I was in the same spot as you about five months ago. I thought I couldn't be attracted to guys in real life (even though I was physically) on an emotional level. I also just didn't have crushes, until I met an openly gay guy named S-. It never went anywhere because I was too scared to talk to him at all but I had such a huge crush on him, to the point that I acted like a 3rd grader a little bit. It was bad. Anyway, my point is there is often a period between starting to question based on physical attraction and feeling emotional attraction. It's very possible that you will soon find yourself crushing on a guy. As to the depression, when I really started questioning I spent three days in bed doing nothing because I just felt so lost. If you're that upset my best advice is to get up and do something, especially with other people, be they family or friends. If you aren't catatonic like I was, than just hang in there. I know that's really shitty advice but what has helped me the most is just time. Time to get used tithe possibilty and time to accept it. A great test someone shared with me to help figure out your sexuality is to "try it on" for a day or two. Without doing anything too different outwardly, say "I'm going to live today under the assumption I'm gay" and then the next day " I'm going to live under the assumption I'm bi" and so on for as many as you like. Just see what feels th most comfortable. You are likely to find that one of those just feels right. I, for example, have spent the last month or so in "gay mode" and I feel fairly comfortable. Not sure about it but it feels better than thinking I'm straight so it's a start. Hoped some of that helped, and remember that there are others in your exact same boat. Exact same boat, maybe even people around you. A lot of people go through this. Feel free to send me a message or write on my wall or anything anytime.
We can't tell you what your orientation is, that's something you have to work out for yourself. I will say that it's very common for gay people to think of themselves of homosexual but heteroromantic when they first start to realize they're gay. While this is possible, I think it's much more commonly the result of girls being socialized to be more open with their emotions, to act more kind and loving. However, boys can be good romantic partners too and once gay people realize this, they often discover that they are fully capable of relating to men as romantic partners.
Hi there and welcome to EC. You've come to the right place. Off the top, I'd say that at 16, you aren't expected to have all of this figured out yet. It isn't necessary for you to have your path in life already set in stone. The minute you try to do that (at any age) is the minute that something dramatic happens to throw you off course. At 16, I'd also question what kind of 'relationships' you've really had or been capable of having. I know they felt like relationships, but you've got lots of time to experience them too - and they'll evolve as you get older. I didn't have any issues with gays either growing up. Neither did my parents. But I certainly didn't want to be gay. Society sends a message - whether we think we've been affected by it or not - that says it isn't OK to be gay. It takes a lot to overcome that sometimes. The fact that you're using gay porn and messing around with guy friends on a regular basis suggests that you're not straight. And I'd suggest going to parties and not getting intoxicated - and see what happens. (At 16, you really shouldn't be getting wasted at parties anyway!) But try to give yourself a break over all this. You don't have to have it figured out. And if you do find after a while that you're gay, it's really no big deal. It isn't the end of the world, and it doesn't mean that much of your future needs to be different from how you picture it. The part about having a wife will need to change because the reality is you won't be happy if you're gay and take that route. Take it from someone who knows.
Exactly. I went through this precise phase when I was 12-13. Although it's completely possible that it's your orientation, it's very rare that it turns out that way.
