The next few weeks will be a huge challange. Tuesday will be the first of two sessions of laser repair for my eyes. The left first then the right in the middle of April. I also have to schedule an appointment with a weight loss surgeon. I have been working my way through a prograsm to get ready, but now the time is near and I am scared. It is something I want, but I haven't been a normal size since I was 10 years old. Thats 40 years ago. Who will I become? How will I change?
Dean.....Regardless of what happens we are here for you. You can always share with us how you are feeling and we will listen. We will always do our best to encourage you! You are part of our family and we do care. .....David
Exiting times! I think its inspiring to embrac change and looking forward to what it may bring. It puts you on a new and exiting journey and that is just wonderful.
Dean, the answer to the last question is that the choice is yours. You're still yourself, but you get to choose who you'll be after these changes. Whatever you choose, we're all here to support you!
Hi, Dean. These are wonderful steps! I totally get the fear of going into this, and I think you are perceiving things correctly. So yes, you will change pretty substantially. People will see you differently, and that will influence how you see yourself, and how you show up emotionally with others. Be prepared, because the weight has been like a "safety blanket" that helps insulate you from those around you. Without it, you may feel naked and exposed for a while. I am hopeful that you are getting therapy in connection with getting the weight loss surgery. That is absolutely crucial. Otherwise, there's a ton of research that shows that people who don't get therapy in connection with weight loss surgery transfer the compulsive behavior to something else, most commonly drugs or alcohol, because the food and weight has served as a protection. Without that, your natural tendency will be to seek something else to numb. (There's 30 years and over 35,000 studies on this.) I admire your willingness to walk into this self-work. And for most, it is absolutely life-changing. EC can certainly help, but you should also do the individual work to be ready for this change.
I hope it all goes better than expected! You sound courageous and willing to give it a go. Like that JD tractor, slow and steady wins the race? Ah that was a tortoise, but you know, tractors are tough and I'm pulling for you too. Let us know how you're feeling and how it goes
Thank you all for your kind words of support. Sometimes I find it difficult to stay positive riding lifes roller coaster. The left eye was fixed up last week, wasn't the most plesant experiance in the world but it's done. The right eye got moved back a bit but will still be done sometime this summer. The weight loss appointment is Thursday morning, part of me is really excioted, part really scared. I have done one tof the hardest parts, after 34 years I quit smoking. No patches, nothing since January 31st. My anxiety went to the moon and I didn't want to be alive after a few days of the Chantix so that got dc'ed. Without whatever chemical in the cigs my ssri didn't cut it so it got switched to a different med. Things are comming back to focus again with the Prozac. @Chip, your correct, no alcohol for the rest of your life, I can check that one off. I figured out long ago no amount of Dewars was going to take the gay away. There is a multi step program for lifestyle changes that I already went throught and your current therapist must write a letter (in progress) and the program Psychologist must sign off as well (done). There is also support for after surgery. When meals consist of 3 per day at 2 oz each there will be no choice, as long as you stay on program you will lose weight. I once was 425 lbs, before my little stroke a few years back I managed to shed about 130 lbs. I know I can do this but there is the little guy with the pitch fork on my shoulder, the one that says your a failure, coward. I never thought about it like that but yes. As a bigger kid, with the exception of one fight, people physicall left me alone. Any verbal abuse was fixed with food as well. Anyway, please forgive any typos the eye is still settling and clearing. D
You quit smoking, lost 130 pounds, and prepared yourself for this surgery, how could you call yourself a failure or a coward? Best of luck with the surgery and everything that comes after it.
Yes, quitting nicotine can be super hard so congratulations on that too! It's not just the chemical which is super addictive, but it's a way to pass time, a ritual, distract, escape from others like Brene Brown I think said about her smoking. It can be a way of not caring if you get sick from it. You've done a lot of very hard things and if you don't have people around for support it's even harder. Trying Rx help for any of these makes total sense too. I had read about Bupropion for depression and quitting nicotine. Have you talked to the Dr. about the medication for weight loss and diabetes? It's science and genetics why some bodies won't give up any calories or whatever the chemistry is, it's not all about lifestyle as we've been told/shamed for so long and still get plenty of that message. I hope you keep feeling positive about your awesome progress!!
I understand, and your correct, however my situation is more complex. It's hard for me to look on the bright side of things sometimes. Been through a lot of crap in my life with few to no positive role models, at least untill I found EC. Things that you learn to think about yourself when your young are seldom true but sometimes hard to dub over when your older.
I agree about dubbing over the view of your young self (years of therapy) and understand that feeling. It effects and forms the person we are today... which is difficult to accept.. and even more difficult to change.. I understand the role model problem as well.. anyway ... if you could change something .. anything .. what would it be?
Dean.....I am so proud of you for the progress that you have made! What you have already done is really difficult and you have held on and made it through!! The first part of a big change like that is always the hardest and you have toughed it out and made it through. I am so happy for you and I know...yes I know that you will be able to continue with this and make it to your goal. We are here for you Dean. Anytime you feel down just come one over here to EC and share your feelings with us so we can encourage and help you. We will always be here for you! You are part of our family and we do care about you! .....David
I took this out of your post, which I read, because, "What?!? Brene Brown smoked cigarettes?" I can't even picture that. Learn something new every day. I'm also proud of you and we're all behind you. Anything that is improvement to your physical and mental health is a big plus, and your undertaking this journey speaks to your courage. Like others have said, you will need the psychological and other types of support to make sure you stay on track. Please do!
Lol she said that in one of her books and had quit too, but I wouldn't be surprised if she had one on a rare occasion. Like Obama and Einstein, many very smart people have smoked tobacco, but it's best not to start any nicotine I'm sure. Native people used tobacco, but perhaps not enough to get addicted as we're used to, or the plants had lower level of nicotine and was ultra organic. Sorry, JohnDeere, I went way off topic, how've you been feeling and how is vision in the eye?
If I could change anything? To have courage and confidence in self from a younger age. To not always self doubt. To not always worry what someone else thinks and to live life for youself, not others, and to please others.
You can do it now, reparent yourself? Did you have anyone teaching you to love yourself, be confident and to speak openly and know your thoughts and feelings really matter? I think it's common from shitty upbringing, and shitty society telling us we're garbage. Like all the anti-gay politicians, laws and "God hates fags and AIDS is our punishment." All that can really destroy people, especially sensitive types, but guys shouldn't be sensitive either so it was hard always being wrong and trying to make yourself be normal. You got this!
The bold part really strikes a chord because it also hurt me in different ways that I can see much more clearly now, with "from a younger age" being key words.
You have taken on your past and begun changing yourself. Most folks in this world don’t understand how difficult those changes are and I believe most folks just slip by their past and the challenges are never addressed. You guilt smoking, drinking. You lost the weight you needed to. Your having the surgeries you need. Your surgery is upcoming and you’re doing it. Might I add, you’re feeing better about yourself. Right? Is yes, you are on the way. You said, “If I could change anything? To have courage and confidence in self from a younger age. To not always self doubt. To not always worry what someone else thinks and to live life for yourself, not others, and to please others.” Sounds like you also understand exactly what your goals are! Got for it my friend. You got this! How can we help?
