My dad told me that if people spend their whole life being conservative Christians for like 50 years, then they will die believer, and I agree. Some people will never change their beliefs.
Nobody's asking you to change your beliefs. I think Chip just wants you to look at things with a little bit more of an open mind. I've read the entire Bible and I got virtually nothing out of it. To me, it's just a bunch of different texts someone forced together to form a larger, seemingly overarching text. It's a mixed-faith tome. Most of it is based in Judaism-- including the parts that call for the putting to death of homosexuals and saying homosexuality is a sin. To me that speaks volumes about the Jewish religion that a lot of people are afraid of touching upon for sounding anti-Semitic, so I won't say what I really think about it but I will say that you should read your Bible and see what you get out of it.
The point is... you can't prove a negative, as I said above. So why are you so deeply attached to something you can't prove is true? And, no offense, but your "friend" Margo is judgmental as hell. She basically told you that your beliefs were wrong, and that you'd go to hell if you didn't follow her advice. But she could just as easily be wrong as you could be wrong. Believing the earth is flat doesn't make it flat no matter how long you believe it. And really... are you going to let one woman's self-righteous judgment determine whether you live a happy and fulfilling life compared to one with a whole bunch of rules that basically tell you to deny who you are hardwired to be (and who you were created to be by whatever force does such things?) So... why are you so quick to dismiss the dream where you became New Age again and are happy? Because some judgmental woman convinced you that she's right, and you'll disappoint her if you do what's right for you in your heart? If she truly is nonjudgmental and loves you, she'll support and encourage whatever makes you happy. That's actually what the Bible teaches, but very few Christians actually get that. Look at what you're saying above. "If you find evidence that Christianity isn't true, that would be wonderful". You're essentially already telling yourself that you're unhappy and you desperately want out. So... the point I'm making is... if you re-read what I wrote above, there's zero credible evidence that Christianity is any more real than any of the other thousands of religions. Zero. This isn't to say it *isn't* real, more that, more likely, all the religions have truth to them. Life is too short. You deserve to be happy. And committing to being miserable for the rest of your life based on the threat about what will happen after you die, which no one knows and no one can prove simply makes no sense. It sounds like you were a lot happier before... so really, what it boils down to is what decision you want to make for your own happiness.
That and if you live your life around not offending other people’s moral sensibilities and to not disappoint others, that’s a really great way to be disappointed if and when you realize those people weren’t worth it or that they don’t really believe what they said. You have to figure out what YOU believe and live around that because YOU are who is going to have to live with the consequences of those decisions. (Meaning you’re who isn’t getting to pursue relationships). Let Margo live around what Margo believes. If she thinks being gay is wrong, then Margo can abstain from having romantic relationships with women. Are you even likely to remember or care who Margo is 10 years from now?
Who has to live with your decisions 20 years from now? You or Margo? Who is living your life? You or Margo? Margo is just an observer. You’re the one doing the living. I’ve seen this movie before. I lived my life to not offend a bunch of church people from my childhood and it wasn’t worth it. At all. I made decisions that don’t effect them around doing things that wouldn’t offend them (when 20 years later, I don’t even interact with them anymore). It wasn’t a wise decision.
It’s a saying. It means I’ve lived something similar to what you’re doing here and I’m telling you what the result was (20 years later) after making the decisions you’re contemplating making. I suppressed my sexuality for my young adult life to appease a bunch of homophobes and it wasn’t worth it. And they’re not the ones having to live with the output of that decision. I am. It was a decision that didn’t really affect them. It wasn’t their life. If you live alone the rest of your life, that’s not Margo’s problem. That’s yours. If you marry some woman you don’t love, have kids, and then realize you’ve made a mistake, that’s your problem. Not Margo’s. That will be your mess to deal with. If you wreck your mental health because you let them make you hate yourself for who you are, that will be your problem. Not Margo’s. You get to be the one spending months or years in therapy. You get to clean up the mess. Not Margo. This is what I’m saying. You need to live your life according to your morals and your needs because you’re the one who has to deal with the output of your decisions. Not Margo. Not your pastor. Not your parents. Not even us here on this forum. You. This is your life.
I want to point out the emerging pattern here, anonmember, of people taking the time to give you meaningful input, your choosing possibly the least relevant part of the post and then responding only to that. You've now done this several times. It's a great avoidance strategy, but isn't terribly effective if the goal you have for yourself is to try and get to a happier place in life. Nobody here is trying to make you wrong. Nor is anyone trying to tell you what to believe. What I think the common themes you're hearing is... you aren't happy, you bought your friend Margo's sales pitch that becoming Christian would change everything and solve your depression and make you happy... and it hasn't done that, and, if anything, has made you less happy. Now you are worried about going to hell in *addition* to being depressed and unhappy. So logic would dictate that the sales pitch that Margo gave you was, at least for you, just that... a sales pitch for a product that didn't deliver as promised. It might work for her, but it can't work for you, because it tells you to fundamentally be someone you're not. You've said as much... if the fear of going to hell wasn't there (and I've pretty much logically destroyed that argument above), then this isn't something you'd fear. So given that you aren't happy, what Margo promised turned out to be BS, at least for you, the logic says that the fear of going to hell makes no sense... do you still believe that practicing something that makes you unhappy on a daily basis makes the most sense for you?
That's rubbish. You totally could, you just choose not to because what people think about you is more important than your integrity to who you are. That's ok. The world is filled with scared sheep who do what they are told by others because they are perceived to have some kind of power. The truth is they don't, though you can go on believing they do if you want. Just realize that you are using your church as an excuse and a crutch and one day, when you see through the bullshit you will feel totally betrayed, because they will not give you the same blind faith you gave them and they will leave you lying on the floor in your time of need. If Christianity and religion is based on love then why is there so much judgement and hate? "But I'm not a slave to a god That doesn't exist And I'm not a slave to a world That doesn't give a shit" - The Fight Song. Marilyn Manson
Because it helps them, because they want to share the love of god with others, or to get into heaven.
People believe in God because they want to. It's not easy living in this rotten world-- people need an idol they can look to the heavens to pray to, and that's why there's the Christian God and all the other gods. That's certainly the only reason I believe in God. I believe in God because I want to. Now, what does that tell you about God?
Well, sure, that's one way of looking at it. But what it tells me is that God didn't create humans so much as humans created God. Now, I'm not refuting the idea that there may be some sort of god out there, somewhere but what I'm saying is that the image of God, the one we've built, a man with long gray hair and a beard, is something that was formed over years of corruption from the churches trying to convert people. If there is a God, it's probably nothing like what we expect.
Do you find it helpful to allow yourself to be shamed about something about yourself that’s unchangeable? To be made to feel lesser than over something that’s part of how you were made? Does that make you feel loved? There are denominations that don’t do that, but not the one you seem so attached to. So, how’s that working for you? (To Chip’s point)
Here's something interesting for your brain to snack on: King David (if he even existed) might have been gay. Here, check it out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_and_Jonathan#Homoeroticism Don't like Wikipedia? Check out this site which says he may have been bisexual, like yourself: https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/fourteen-things-you-need-to-know-about-king-david/
