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[Scared of coming out as trans to a conservative family]

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by D3AVIOUS, Jan 29, 2020.

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  1. D3AVIOUS

    D3AVIOUS
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2020
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Daegu
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    (Sorry for my English :grin:) It was in Godeung hakgyo (high school) when I realized I was transgender. I was born as a girl, but never felt in such way. Internally, I think of myself as male, but no one treats me, or thinks of me in that way. Growing up, I'd had always wanted to be a boy. I played with boys, dressed like boys (for the most part) and participated in boy typical activities. I never had much freedom to express myself, especially around my Appa (father). He was conservative, strict, and fairly religious. He believed I had to wear dresses and skirts, wear makeup liberaly, and hang out with only girls. These things he expected from me, made me a little sick, and very self conscious. I've always wanted to come out, to get it out of they way, but I've been holding off due my fear. I don't know what he'd do, or what he'd say. He is my only remaining family member, and I'm afraid to lose him. Possibly one of the kind souls can help me? It would be very appreciated. :slight_smile:
     
    #1 D3AVIOUS, Jan 29, 2020
  2. TJ

    TJ
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,833
    Likes Received:
    299
    Location:
    Lawrence, KS
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi D3AVIOUS. Welcome to EC. :wave: I'm really glad you decided to get some input on your situation.
    First off, I've moved this thread to the "Coming Out Advice" subforum as you're more likely to receive support/advice there than in the Welcome Lounge.

    My advice for you is that you find a way to come out to your father; maybe not right now, but when you're ready in the future. Does your father have any financial or significant control over your life right now? Are you living with your father, and if so, would you have a safe place to go if he rejected/kicked you out?

    I understand your concern for how he will react. He is, of course, your father. However, your long term happiness is dependent on your ability to be happy with and live with your own self, independent of your father. The first step to doing that is coming out and stepping into the identity that you want for yourself. I believe you know this already, as you wouldn't be seeking advice from others if you didn't already know the importance of this.

    If you're living independently of your father's support right now, I would think about and accept the possibility that he does not accept you, and then proceed with coming out. Are there any people close to you that you can depend on for emotional support during something like this?
    If you're not living independently, then you should explain your circumstances; how dependent you are on family has a significant logistical impact on how and when you should come out to your family (unfortunately).
     
    #2 TJ, Jan 29, 2020
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