I reflected on hate this morning before jumping in for a morning shower. I thought about a few of my favorite gay bashing jokes I used to tell. Of course I had no clue I was hurting myself deep, deep down when telling the jokes. Then I thought about hate in Nazi German in the 30s, 40s, etc. I thought about how good Germans got sucked into the I hate gews thing generated by Nazi scum. (a eureka moment) What, wait, I got sucked into and down the I hate gay thing. Wow, it's so easy to get sucked into hate even before you have a chance to pair your values to what you are exposed to. (human emotion(s) is so powerful)
Like you I too feel into the trap of making and laughing at fag and homo jokes at one time. All the while being gay but burying it so deep I even fooled myself. In retrospect I wish I hadn’t done it, I see now how utterly cruel and totally insensitive those comments were. I was making fun of and insulting myself at my own expense. Hindsight is always 20/20 and we can only learn by our past mistakes.
I see what you're saying but a person can have the willpower to not get sucked in. You can keep it at arms length. It is probably good to understand what's going on around you so you can protect yourself (I don't mean by force). I have one gay friend who is an ace at self deprecating humor. He will say that he bought something or did something and that it was "so faggy." Somewhere along the way, I've heard the old joke that "my parents are coming over, so I have to de-fag - or de-dyke - the apartment." Like everyone else, LGBT+ folks are capable of hating others and even being nasty to parts of the LGBT+ population they don't like. It's hard to be around or experience this nastiness.
I don't remember wanting to fit in with people who ridiculed others for any reason. I didn't know I was gay but still didn't go along with others using gay as an insult and much worse treatment. I thought gay people should be able to serve openly in the military before DADT, same as I thought racial segregation was always bullshit. I opposed discrimination against any group as basic human decency and not how you treat others. The golden rule and such basic stuff we were supposed to learn in kindergarten.
