[rant] my brother [rant]

maybe you should play with him more idk are when he trows a fit go to the mall are hang out with friends but make sure your rooms locked nd closed bec he mite go in ther and break something!!!!

 

get a doctor to write a perscription for high dosages of RIDALINE for your brother...that will take his excess energy away...or maybe a combination of drugs like RIDALINE and PROZAC to calm him down..

 

Biisme, If he couldn't sit still, keeps forgetting things, couldn't pay proper attention, he could have an ADHD.

Otherwise, he could be very restless. Have you seriously discussed to your parents and talk to him together? Or doing something that you both like? Have you also asked him, what exactly he want?

 

Holy crap this is long, sorry about that!

Well from your post you seem to be very angry with him, and I didn't see any lines that showed what you do about it, other than say go away, which is only helping him in a minor way in that it shows proper language when making a request... I'm sorry I assumed but I guess it just jumped into my head.

The following advice may be helpful to you. Don't think I'm trying to undermine you, I don't even know you that well. If the following advice is helpful to you then thats really awesome, if not then thats just fine too. I'm not saying you must help your brother, but you seem like someone who would want to so I offer you my advice on the matter

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We have to use our imaginations sometimes to help those we care about, and sometimes thoughts spill out that weren't meant for the table. I do care about you Biisme, for whatever reason [probably cause you gave me a valentine ]. I tend to let everything flow, and damn the consequences. Being politically correct is not something I like to do.

I'll throw myself in your shoes for a minute, as best as I can:
Okay first of all, that really seems like terrible way to live and I send you my empathy... He's screaming now and I want him to stop. I see how saying, or even thinking, "go away, go away" is comforting, and I've found myself at that stage... I'll try to break away from that - when you hear yourself start to say go away, refer to the below for inspiration.

I'll give a psychological reference in the brackets below [using words to give sentences more meaning]

"[give him confidence]Hey Timmy, I know your meatballs are sliced wrong, but I promise it will taste just dandy. [relate with him] I used to get mad when my meatballs were cut wrong, but I got used to it and after a while I found out that I liked them better that way.[give him something to look forward to] Anyways I was wondering if we could play a game after we eat? [name drop your friends to get that curiosity going in him] My friends from school showed it to me during lunch and its pretty cool."

If he agrees to play with you then no matter what happens at dinner, play with him. If he's sent to his room you can explain this idea to your parents so you can be granted access to his room. Perhaps giving him some time to cool down, then knocking on his door asking if he would still like to play.

Those are some pretty strong emotions. It may be a bit manipulative now that I think of it, but ftw = ftw

((((( I'm a big buff on the power of the mind, so if you think ->> [give him confidence] <<- while you say "Hey Timmy, I know your meatballs are sliced wrong..." In my opinion the effect that it will have on Timmy will be greater if you do this. Or you can just flush this it's just something I believe personally. )))))

[Reinforce him so losing has no effect and will not make him angry] Tell him that while learning the game, winning and losing does not matter. It will only matter when he feels like he knows the game and is ready to play for real. [Drop those friends again, he'll be more interested than you think]While showing him the game, talk about your friends from school. [show interest in him as a human being]Ask him about his friends after you've talked about yours for a little while. Pry sometimes, to show him you are truly interested in his life.[Make this game fun for him] Tell him, after he's learned, what he will be playing for, which happens to be $1. [Make sacrifices for his happiness] Your $1. If he wins a hand he gets the money, if he loses you get the money, and you put your $1 bet back in the pool for the next game. Like a charity pool. Tell him that he can end the game at any time, and that you'll be willing to play again tomorrow if he would like to. When making bets he must match your bet unless he is broke (of the $4). Tell him the game ends if he takes $4 from you, but that he can start over from scratch if he'd like (He returns the $4 and you play again).
Don't be angry if he tries to get out as soon as he gets the $4. Try to convince him otherwise but don't push it. According to the rules hes allowed to quit whenever he wants.

I know it sounds shallow to win your brother over with $ but sometimes it can be the most desired thing in the world to a child.

From the conversations you have while playing with him, try to really figure him out in your head. The money is more like a distraction to keep him focused and talkative. If games are short you may not make much progress, but perhaps you can drag them out a bit by going to get drinks for the 2 of you or something along those lines, talking to him while getting drinks if possible. Don't stall without reason though, he may get bored.

If he gets up and does stuff just stay with the cards until he comes back, screaming or not he'll come back, you don't really need to do anything here. Just be patient and wait for him to return, he will see the money in the pool and regain interest.

If it works out and you feel like you are making some tiny bit of progress with him, then perhaps your parents would sponsor you financially without his knowledge. Him having all this extra money may boost his mood, and actually calm him down quite a bit. He won't feel too spoiled because the money is coming from you, whereas it has always come from your parents.

Use what you learn here to find some way to relate with your brother, or perhaps find something you both have in common. Perhaps this game you show him really catches his interest. If its a game that you also enjoy then thats twice as good... something you can both do daily that you both have interest in and enjoy.

This is really just a very small piece of a large puzzle with which I am afraid you were put on this earth to help solve, or not - it may be unsolvable and I understand that... please don't think I do not. I realize that this is not only your battle, and I do agree your parents should get involved and put more thought into this than they have...

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Some background on me:

I do have an older brother, by 3 years. We always fought all the way up until I was about 11. Thats when he showed me starcraft, when he got involved in my life. We fought over the computer sometimes, but we both REALLY wanted to play this game, The game was something we talked about and shared with each other, bringing us closer together. I haven't fought with my brother since I was 12, and we actually became great friends.

When my brother got older, he developed alcoholism. My support and a few DUIs opened his mind and he hasn't had a drink in months now. When my parents talked to him about it, he saw it as nagging, but when I talked to him about it, what he felt was much more real, and I really opened his eyes. [this shows the power of brotherhood (or sisterhood ) over parenthood]

At my current stage in life, I have learned that I can truly do anything without the aid of my parents. I can convince my brother to stop drinking, rent a house, or an apartment, a car, buy groceries, have pets, the whole shabang. I've done it for two years and it was really hard, but I got used to it. When I saw a personal problem with my brother I didn't even think of what my parents had said to him. I knew that I needed to be the one to step up to get him to understand. I know he is thankful for that, and for me. He may not even be alive today if not for me, as he had a huge drunken driving problem.
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So, I hope things work out for you. I'm still hearing your brother screaming in my head and I see him throwing a fit over the dumbest things. I really do feel bad for you in your situation, and I really do hope it gets better before it gets worse.

If I offended you in any way I apologize, even referring to this post. I am here only to lend support, I would never want you to feel bad (&&&), but please forgive me if my presentation shows otherwise.

- Nic

*dies*

 

Erg sorry just saw this, I should have sent a pm :bang:

(*hug*)

 

That's a greatest post, Nicvcer, you are really good in forming a great brotherhood/sisterhood.

Anyway, I have an older brother too, he's 2 yrs older than me, and when we were younger, we always fought, and disagree each other.

Only when I was 14 and he's 16 things are starting to get better. We share things that are in common. That's what bring us together too.

 

don't worry, this was directed at me, not the general posting public.

your post was very interesting. I hope it added something to the situation.

 

Aren't siblings wonderful?

Seriously though, throwing a fit over meatballs is just plain stupid. Evidently your brother has realised he can get away with things because of his ADHD and is taking advantage of it.

Unfortunately, my sister is very much like that, only without ADHD. Snide comments, holier than thou attitude, tantrums over petty things, playing up when friends are round, yes, we've seen them all.

Unfortunately, all you can do is ignore it. Best tactic as I have found. Ignore it, and they get bored. Walk away from the situation. Sometimes, when my sister is off on one, I just say to her "Bec, you're annoying me, so I'm going into the other room before I do something I regret." Basically, because I am a hot-tempered person, and angered very easily, I lash out very easily. Sometimes all you can do is just get away from the situation.

But that's just my take on it. I am sorry to hear that you have problems with your brother and I hope they get better soon.