Hi all, I have not been here for a while because I felt like I needed to gain more years of being out before giving advice to others. However, I feel like I need advice now from someone who has more years than I do. I came out the spring of 2016 as bi and then shortly afterwards as gay once I got through the bargaining process. I felt comfortable then because I was away from home for the first time and I was not enrolled in special education anymore (I have cerebral palsy) so I was not being watched all day. I also lived in Connecticut and felt like with the legalization of gay marriage, I was in a more accepting culture. Now with the abortion ruling, I am starting to get anxious. I have never been out of the closet prior to the nationwide legalization. I am starting to get flashbacks to what it was like before 2015 and I feel like I would lose a lot of hope, especially if gay marriage is banned nationwide. I always am in awe when I see people who have been out for 15, 20, 25 years. I know this might sound kind of dramatic but I don’t want to be in a place where I want to hurt myself because I don’t know how to be out when the law is against you. I live in a purple state and my immediate family is supportive so I have that going for me. I just wish I was brave and as strong in my identity as people who came before me, I want to reiterate that I am not actively trying to hurt myself and I also worry that those thoughts might become stronger if things get worse. I want to stay alive so I would like to know the “secrets to success” of people who came before me. Thank you so much in advance for any tips. I have a mental health team that I am going to tell this to but I feel like I need some direct input from the community.
Gay marriage and gay rights are different things. Long before gay marriage was legal, there were many protections for gay people in terms of employment and housing and so forth. (Though some of those are still spotty in some areas of the US). We have our brothers and sisters at Stonewall in 1973 to thank for really setting fire to the demand for gay rights, and many other folks have carried that torch since then. While we seem to be in for a few years of some pretty abysmal rulings (I keep hoping for about a dozen well-placed lightning strikes that just happen to take out a few bigots in important places), remember that, on the whole, the country supports abortion, it supports gay marriage, it supports gay people serving in the military, it is against discrimination against gay people in general. Thus, even if a handful of bigots are placed in important positions, it is likely that if these bigots continue, that legislation and/or constitutional changes will be written to codify these protections. I wouldn't worry too much about going back into the Dark Ages. There is a relatively small percentage of ignorant bigots in the country. They have managed to jury-rig the system to get themselves some power, but if they continue to abuse it, the public will not stand for it.
