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OCD or suppression?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Chase8, Aug 23, 2021.

  1. Chase8

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    Hey everyone.

    I was convinced for a while that I had OCD. I even felt slightly more at ease and started going to therapy. Thus far, I haven't really opened up to my therapist about all of this because I am slightly ashamed, but I have passively mentioned my tendency to obsess over things and I discussed my social anxiety. He prescribed me Fluoxetine (Prozac) after diagnosing me with GAD. I've been taking it for about 1 week at this point and have been avoiding pornography as some of you suggested. I also decided to take a break from masturbating as I was compulsively masturbating 3-5 times a day while testing myself and found that I was losing sensitivity. The side effect of quitting cold turkey was that I got really horny. In a weird way, this made my subconscious tests a lot easier, because I was getting aroused to girls a lot throughout the day.

    Today, I was just watching stuff on youtube and I saw an ad for a tv show that looked interesting. I clicked on it and noticed there was a lot of gay sex scenes. Obviously, this sent me into a little bit of a panic, but I managed to ignore it and move on. Later in the day, it was in the back of mind. I fell into testing again; however, I wasn't anxious when I watched gay porn and noticed that I wasn't getting aroused at all. I think I felt confident because I was getting so aroused to girls since I took a break from masturbating that I didn't really care what happened. I tested to women afterwards and was getting very hard so I decided to move on.

    It started bothering me again right before I went to bed so I decided to test myself to the ad I watched earlier. I suddenly got really panicked even as I was searching for it on youtube. I got even more anxious when I found the video and clicked on it. I watched a couple of the scenes and noticed I wasn't getting hard but had a really strong horny feeling. I decided to masturbate and, at this point, I wasn't even watching the video. I was so anxious and immediately came in less than 10 seconds of touching myself. I wasn't even erect. I don't think I've ever came before without being hard and I didn't even know that was possible.

    I don't know if it was the anxiety that caused me to cum so fast, the fact that I hadn't masturbated in 3 days after compulsively masturbating 3+ times a day every for the past 5 months or me suppressing my same sex desires. I don't even know if I could say that it was same sex desires because I don't even think my brain really registered what I was watching because it was so focused on the anxiety I felt from watching it... if that makes any sense. I literally watched fully nude gay porn earlier today and felt nothing, which confuses me even more. This was just an ad and didn't have any full nudity. I honestly don't know what I am anymore. I think there is plenty of evidence that I am attracted to women: fantasies, porn, real-life attraction and arousal. But for some reason the smallest bit of evidence that I could be gay (like today), makes me throw my whole life into question.

    Can anxiety make you come faster even before getting erect? Would you still say this is OCD or could I perhaps be suppressing my same sex desires?
     
    #1 Chase8, Aug 23, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2021
  2. QuietPeace

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    I am not a psychological professional but everything that you say here matches with the various people that I have heard from in this forum who have OCD. I think that you should definitely bring it up with your professional.
     
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  3. masterofnone

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    the mere asking of this question is clearly ocd
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    I kind of answered this question in another thread you created, but you missed out all of the extra detail from this thread. Concerning the above quote, was it actually anxiety or horniness? If you are super horny these things can happen. It sometimes happens when guys are asleep (ever heard of wet dreams?).

    You do need to speak to your therapist about the obsessive thought patterns and 'checking' behaviours. They need to know what is going on in order to help and support you. Therapists are not there to judge you, so don't hold back with the details. If you can't say it, why not write it down?
     
  5. Spaceseed

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    Good job on quitting porn and spanking the monkey excessively !

    im not specialist but it sounds more like ocd type behavior , which I’m starting to think I have too , thanks to this forum .

    i have quit porn last week and pot and excessive masturbation , im a much better person and have not had anxiety over my sexuality since .

    now it seems like a lot of guys who come on here to explore their orientations share similar issues : ocd and sex addiction of some sort, plus a great deal of society inflicted shame.

    Most men are testosterone driven and thrill seekers which seems like what you’re doing in testing yourself , the anxiety and the taboo add to the appeal and excitement, IMO.