So I am completely out at home to others. I dress feminine (not all the time), I’m called Jasmine by my family (yes that’s my irl name, I should really change it here) and they all call me she/her. Yet I don’t feel like a true woman. What kind of woman has male facial hair? What kind of woman has no breasts? What kind of women has a penis? It makes me feel so fake. I could never be able to go into women’s bathroom, I would feel too much like an imposter, someone that doesn’t belong there. My whole life at the moment feels fake. That’s not the to say I don’t enjoy it. I absolutely love being called she. However I just don’t feel like a true woman in most aspects. I get that it’s just an identity but that identity has stereotypes that are so driven into my brain that I can’t get out. So it all just feels fake even if it’s what makes me happy. I don’t know how to solve this issue. How would I? Chances are even if I’m completely post op full hrt I will still be having these feelings. I’m just venting, but if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this issue, please tell me
I think a lot of this takes time. If you have a therapist, perhaps taking about this with a professional may help work through your thoughts. However, if it's any resolve, there are many cis women who have facial hair due to things like PCOs, and hormone imbalances; small-chested women, tall women, short women, muscular women. Sure being trans adds another level to imposter syndrome and discomfort, though women (and people) come in all shapes.
I am no expert on this, but it seems to me that you may have internalised transphobic talkingpoints. First of all there arent "true" women. Ciswomen and Transwomen are both equally valid. Facial hair isnt male or female (at least as far as i know). Some ciswomen have facial hair too, but it will be not as much as biological men. Most transwomen if they have not started HRT yet and some ciswomen too. Transwomen do. Like transmen can have a vagina, get the period and can get pregnant. Sadly I cant give advice about how to overcome this line of thinking when its internalised- I hope you can feel better about yourself soon.
I think you're being too hard on yourself. You've just started your new transition journey and it will take time to become the person you want to be. There were many times in my life when I started something new and I felt like a poser or fake. For example: New job, new to dating, new to sports, invited to my first party, initially coming out, first work meeting. Every other new thing you experience in life will feel awkward or fake initially. We have all been there. You just have to find your groove and make a solid start. You're a true woman now and it will take a little longer to become a badass one. I think growing up I reinvented my personality dozens and dozens of times. I always felt fake and like I was trying on different masks. I hated myself and wanted to become more than who I was. Only little pieces of those personalities stuck until they combined into who I am today. We are always changing and growing. There are many different past versions of me and there will be many different future versions of me too. I know it's not the same as what you're going through right now. Basically what i'm trying to say is with growth there are growing pains. It may not always be graceful or straightforward but it's normal and it's OK. You're only human. You're allowed to make mistakes, figure things out, and be a hot mess.
A lot of people saying woman have the features I mentioned. However the degree of facial hair, having a flat chest, and my penis are all things that women just don’t have. Maybe the flat chest one but that’s it. As much as others say it in the replies, I can’t help but feel like I’m not a true woman. As I’ve said the stereotype of women is stuck in my head and I can’t get it out. I’m trans- does that make me a fake women? Someone who pretends to be what she’s not?
Your Body isnt what makes you a woman, your mind is. A transwoman is a woman like any other woman, and you are too <3
Imposter syndrome sucks big time. I don't think cis people tend to question their gender very much and there are things like internalized transphobia that does affect your mind. I thought for a while that I'm faking and that I'm lying to everybody and am not part of lgbt+ community. It all seems quite common experience. There is no such thing like a fake woman or man. It's your core identity and it's something that can't be fake. You will see it one day. It's not related to what kind of parts you have.
Hi Jasmine, I think these are thoughts that a lot of us have had at some time or another. Hell, we live in a transphobic society, in the midst of a global backlash against us, so it's not surprising. It's important to remember that it takes time to develop into and become a woman - and that's the same for cis women as much as trans. It's something that you learn over time. And of course, hormones - when you finally get onto them - will help in this process immensely. It certainly doesn't help living in a UK where our very existence is a f***ing media debate. And the Prime Minister (the Prime Minister, for Christ's sake!) sees pre-op trans women as a legitimate target for him to ridicule. In the meantime, what you need as affirmation, I feel. I remember during the long months of lockdown just after I first came out, craving time spent with people I was out to. I needed to be seen. And heard. As me. If more than a few days went by without hearing my name, my mood would dip. And then when I did hear someone call me 'Beth', my heart would leap! I know I've said this before but I'd really encourage you to make links with other LGTBQ people in your area; people who do accept you, as Jasmine, a trans woman. Hugs, Beth x
That’s a very good summary I feel. It does make me feel slightly better I feel. I can try more affirmations like calling myself a woman each day. Maybe that will help? Also I think that’s a no for the last line. I really struggle to make friends, not to mention I don’t like spending time with others much to begin with. I guess I can start affirmations now Saskia. I am a woman!!!
