NEED ADVICE - Questioning, thinking about telling gf

great post. i didnt read all the responses but i think i have the gist. here's my thinking. you did the honorable thing and let her know that you needed a break and things weren't goign to work out and that you were not ready for marriage. these were things you knew and could express. honestly that's all she needs to know at this time. you have ended the relationship and she has starting dating other people and moving on.

my personal feeling is that you want to tell her in a way to cling back to something that was once stable and offered your companionship and happiness. now you are alone, you're confused, your relationship is over, and you're really scared of moving forward to explore if the thoughts you've been having are indications of your true orientation. so with all of that, of course you want to try and get her back or tell her to try and get her back into your life. if she loved you, she may be very supportive but you are not in a place to be with her. you will not be able to say "hey babe, i broke up because i thought i may be gay but i really explored mythoughts and i realized that's not true.". all you can say is "i have thoughts and i'm not sure who or what i am but let's still be connected in some way." this is not going to offer her any security or support so she will not likely want to be in the relationship or she will try and convince you that this was a passing thought so you can be back together. either way, that's not good for you right now.

the fact remains, you're going to have to explore what these feelings are. you're going to have to determine what this means for you. it may not be a easy road and it's scary. espeically since you're 30, its like you're starting from scratch. been tehre done that. what i can tell you is that its better for you to figure yourself out alone then to involve other people into this right now (besides counselors and supportive friends/families). you are trying to figure yoruself out and if she really likes you like it sounds like, it will be hard to be with you when she doesn't know if you ulimately want a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

so my advice is to let her be for now. be her friend from a distance. and do the work that you need to do on yoruself now. once you're in a better place, then you can reach out to her if you want to adn let her know what happened. but do this once you're a bit more secure in how you feel and where you are at.

---------- Post added 8th Nov 2011 at 12:26 AM ----------

oh one thing i didn't mention is that youre not too old. youre doing great. 30 is a great age. you're young and you're moving toward how you want to live your life. i just read that you have been in counselling for a few years over this. that means you're making progress. i really think that you can tell mom, the random best friend or whoever, but i do not think that really is the appropriate first step for you because it doesn't sound like you are ready to really sit down with yourself and admit to yourself..."wow, i think he's hot or wow, i'd really like to get to know him better." so telling these other people can help build a support network for you, but they can't really be there for you if you do not start admitting to yourself first that you do have these attractions. i have read the posts but none of them really describe you liking guys or being attracted to men or feeligns you have towards the same sex. that's ok. your'e still questioning. but my point is, even if you tell your mom, you're still going to have to continue to start to accept yourself. its hard. i was your age too when all this started to happen. almost exact situation too. denial denial denial was where i was. repression repression and depression too. what i can tell you is that telling others helps BUT you will have to accept yoruself and explore yourself and they can't do that for you. it is very easy to fall back into the status quo and tell yourself and others that it was a passing thing and you're past that. but i suspecdt this has been going on for a great deal of your life.