Mother of 15 year old boy

Quantum said it best i just wanted to add my two cents. Staying silent on it could be taken as 'she's not comfortable with my sexuality' or 'she doesn't really accept me' or something of the sort. Which is why he said avoiding asking about it probably isn't the way to go. So feel free to drop questions about boys like you would a girl if your son were straight, if that's the sort of thing you do with him and he's receptive to it. I know when i was in middle and highschool my current crush or lack of a crush was a common enough topic. It was a normal question i got asked about every so often. At the same time overemphasizing it sounds like it would be awkward or uncomfortable. Your his mom, just go with your gut as you know him best and what he's comfortable with and he clearly trusts you a lot to go to you if he doesn't think he's sure yet. It sound like he's involving you in the figuring it out phase tbh now that i think about it. Overall, just treat everything to do with crushes, dating, etc, like you would if he was talking about a girl.

 

Hey Kefrm,

That’s definitely not a stupid question.

Yes, this is something that he has to come to terms with on his own. As I said, you can and should continue to offer your support and unconditional love, but there really isn’t anything you can do directly to help him figure this out.

He may or may not be gay, but only he can really know that, so you have to take him at his word about his sexuality. Today he says that he thinks he’s gay, but if he later decides that he’s straight, then that’s how he chooses to identify. The fact that he’s questioning his sexuality makes it much more likely that he is LGBTQ because most straight people don’t usually have a reason to question their sexuality, but some straight people do question their sexuality at some point in their lives, so it’s not a foregone conclusion that he is other-than-heterosexual. You basically just have to wait until he says he knows his sexuality for sure.

I hope that helps.

 

Hey Kefrm,

The journey to understanding and accepting our sexuality can be a long one and can definitely sometimes be very frustrating. It's basically a matter of listening to our bodies and understanding the signals that tell us who we are attracted to. And, as you know, for a teenager, with hormones raging throughout the body, hearing clear signals from your body about your attractions isn't always easy. But, of course, there is no 'test' that can tell us our sexuality and make things simple.

 

Yeah....pretty much agree with everything that's been said. A lot of gay teens use the word "think" instead of "know" either because they're usually worried about homophobic parents or they don't know how to accept their sexuality. If the parent ends up being homophobic, the word "think" acts as a cushion for them- they can just lie and then act like they were kidding. If the parent is -not- homophobic, the term still helps they gauge that reaction, and then they usually change to certainty afterward.

However, like said above, some people say they think they're gay simply because they haven't fully accepted themselves yet. Your son could very much well be in the "confused/questioning" stage, but it's important to accept him and not hold any bias if he is. The reason I say this is due to the fact that some parents hold onto hope that their questioning kid is really just straight, and this leads to disappointment when they aren't.

I'm also on the autism spectrum- high functioning, 26 years old. I knew my sexuality around his age, though was also in the questioning stage. I think people with ASD have a higher chance of being non-heterosexual or having a non-typical orientation in general, just because of how differently we view the world.

I'm not a mother, but I was a gay teenager, not to mention an autistic (aspergers) gay teenager (actually diagnosed). If you have any more questions, I'll be able to answer.

---------- Post added 16th Mar 2017 at 09:33 AM ----------

I sort of answered this above, but you don't really need to push him to accept himself as a parent. That's something he'll eventually get to on his own.

The important thing is to be there if he needs to talk or have any questions. And to not hold onto hope that he might end up being straight, since that can cause a lot of issues if he isn't after his questioning phase is over. It's always best to be neutral and to be open to anything life throws at us.

 

Of course I'll grant that you're doing the right thing by inquiring here. But... really it sounds like you should (maybe will?) be giving advice here. Stay the course.

 

Yeah so it looks like everyone else has this covered but here goes. First off, you sound like an awesome mom. Next, I don't know anything about autism really but I do know about being confused about my sexuality. The hardest part for me at least was telling someone about it. So kudos to him for getting that out of the way. It's normal to be confused but he's probably as confused as you are right now. I had to deal with the inevitable 'when are you gonna get a girlfriend and settle down?' conversation a bunch of times with my mom before she figured it out. So on the bright side, he doesn't have to lie and come up with excuses why he doesn't have a girlfriend now. Like I did.

It's ok to ask questions, keep the line of dialogue open, etc. But don't like bombard him with questions. It's a delicate balance. Like give him space but not so much space that he isolates himself too much. I know I pretty much repeated what everyone else said but I figured I'd give it a shot. Positive reinforcement or something like that. Anyway, you're on the right track. Keep up the good work and good luck.