Married for decades and now realize I’m bi

Hi, Jim! I started searching for Meetup groups that seemed appropriate to my situation - mainly because I'm at the point where as you note, the desire is so strong to explore, it's undeniable - and I can understand why it's called a journey - so far I've come out to 5 people, maybe 6 if a friend suspects [and I think he does] - in fact, conversations I've had with him have prompted me to explore my own sexuality further - he's that sort of friend (although I'm yet unable to open up to the extent I have other friends)] - It seems like an internal process for me of trying to discern who I might be able to be so vulnerable with, and to trust with this sort of intimate information about where I'm at in life - 2 of the folks I've come out to I met through the Meetup activities - enjoy your journey, bro! Hoping to hear more!!

 

Hi KW, thanks for the suggestion on Meetup groups. I looked at them a while ago but rejected them as they seemed to stress they were for singles only. I mean I wouod be going as single, but difficult to continue with the act! I'll check it out. Cheers. M

 

Thanks, M!
I was thinking this morning too, that there might be some overlap among groups? I'll ask one of the hosts, Theresa, her thoughts when we next hike

It's always an adventure, yeah?

I also learned about "local events" - the host of one group, in my case, a queer one, may post the event of another group, which Allison did - a friend's yoga group - so something to be aware of

loving this space!!

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Ha ha thanks for the warning. Hiking? Right up my street. Ever come to Fife? M

 

I'd like to, for certain! Love traveling, but being on a broken [not sure why it's been called "fixed"] income, I have to choose carefully my destinations and how to spend
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I am a married bisexual recently outed when wife found lingerie stash. I am going to therapist in two weeks to help both wife and myself to understand my feelings. I think I know outcome just worried about how wife will react when it is put on table.

 

I am getting nervous about going to therapist in few weeks. Worried he might tell me something I will have to tell my wife which might be difficult for her to handle.

 

You can do it !

 

I'm 68 years old and gay. I was married for forty years with two adult, married children. If you think I might be of any help in this process, just let me know.

 

For me the problem was I always “knew,” but convinced myself it was about “sex”. I thought it’s just “lack of pleasure” I can live without that, it’s not a “necessity”. Right?

Unfortunately for me, I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression. I finally tried to address it, but what I found was it had little impact on social anxiety, but did help with my depression, and general anxiety and that helped give me energy. I also knew in my heart what was left, and when I finally admitted to myself that I didn’t just like the idea of sex with guys, I liked guys, it changed.

For me, there was a big difference, it’s not just semantics. I realized how natural it had always been to talk to guys when there was no fear “they’d figure it out” Its never been like that with women, I’m always nervous and awkward trying to force myself to “believe” I was attracted to them. When I could finally walk around and talk to people and be honest with myself about my feeling for them, and not worry about being “a guy”, or seen as feminine etc… all of a sudden I had much of the vigor and energy and life that I thought I lost in my teens when I started to hide from myself and the world.

For me that was the motivation to be here. Some things in life you can’t solve on your own, humans are a connected entity. Pharmaceuticals can help you in some ways, they make you who you are not, nor should you need to want them to. The world has changed in many way, and at least for now there is a much better chance.

 

Thx VG. I’m sure I will have more question for community the closer I get to session as I’m making notes trying to collect scrambled thoughts. So confused about sexuality and next step within marriage.

 

Let us know how it goes

 

Trust me, i understand.

 

I have been doing a lot of thinking prior to first therapist session. I might have admitted to myself I’m bi and therapist while bring that to forefront where he will have me talk to my wife about it after. Even though all that will happen, I am not sure if I want to act bi feelings bc I want to stay faithful to wife. Again, so confused but that has been my head for years.

 

I am fighting that exact thing now wanting to act on my Bi feelings and stay faithful to my wife and know I cant do both

 

Have u talked to wife about exploring bi feelings? U should talk to her before u act on them.

 

I went to 1st therapist session today.

It was difficult to get started but he made me feel very comfortable with my issue and by the end I was a lot less comfortable.

I have another session in two weeks to continue chat. He took a lot of notes. We talked about my whole family and I brought up a lot of sensitive memories. I choked up at times.

At next session I need to get some coping tools to help both myself and my wife.

 

I have talked to her about it and isn't for it

 

That’s too bad sweetie. I have exact same feeling. I would love to be with a man but would never want to ruin my marriage.

 

Me too and the urges are getting stronger