Late bloomers (20+) and really late bloomers (30+); how did you came out???

i knew i was gay when i was 12 i did hope id fall for girls in time but na never happened.ive been coming out pretty slowly.being gay in oz was easy i was out in days. but my home town in nz is way harder no gay guys around, so coming out will be a big talking point for many people.im pretty well known by lots people . and im really not sure what will happen when i do, could be the best thing il ever do or the worst.ive told a few friends but apart from one girl bud i haven't been able to open up how i feel and think about being gay. being open to every one i think will change things.im not sure if old friends will avoid me being scarred there sexuality will be questioned.every person ive told has been shocked im gay when i have assumed they must of had a strong idea i purposely let out a lots of hints.so i dont know i think environment is key to when how people come out its way way harder if there is no over gay guys around.but that's why i feel i should come out here i know im not the only gay guy here so i feel like morally i should be honest and help stop these situations in a place i love.

 

It's so true what you say! I first thought I was a girl who had a crush on other girls but I was straight. I just thought all girls wanted to be close to other girls but they chose to be with guys instead. Or something like that. But ever since I've questioned being gay or even bisexual, I haven't gone back to thinking that I'm straight because I know that I'm not. I think once you get to a certain point, a lightbulb does go off and you think, "How did I not know all this time?!"

Since coming out to my immediate family, I know it's only been a few days, but it feels a lot better and it feels a lot more concrete now. I'm just glad that I told them because at the end of the day, I need to be who I am and I was tired of thinking that I had to hide and be afraid about it coming out.

 

Mine was so gradual.

In mid-high school, I kissed a girl for the first time (two girls actually), but they were both my closest friends and it didn't excite me the same way being with a guy did. But after it had happened a few times, I realized that I'd really like it to happen with a girl who wasn't my friend. I just wanted to kiss a girl, nothing more. The idea of sleeping with or dating a girl completely turned me off, so I continued to do those things with guys.

By my freshman year of college, I realized that I wanted to sleep with a girl, but I still wasn't interested in dating a girl. So I still dated and slept with guys.

By my sophomore year of college, I realized I wanted a girlfriend. My boyfriend at the time did not take it well, although he is still one of my best friends, as he was for several years before we dated. I still dated one more guy after that, who allowed me to experiment.

A little over a year ago, I slept with a girl for the first time (part of the experimentation that the aforementioned boyfriend allowed). THAT was my epiphany. After being with a woman, I couldn't even bring myself to kiss my boyfriend, my attraction to guys had just vanished into thin air. He too remains one of my best friends. Thus began my coming out process. My best friend has been kept updated from the beginning (and is the most amazing, supportive person ever) , but nobody else had a clue, although every reaction has been amazing.

I still tried being with a guy one more time, just to make sure. I warned him ahead of time that I was pretty sure I was exclusively into girls, and he totally understood. After kissing him for a few minutes, I realized that I was wishing he was a woman every single second. He totally got it, and became another one of my good friends.

Since then, I've been exclusively with women and loved every moment of it. I am still slightly attracted to men, but am totally turned off by the idea of sleeping with or being in a relationship with one again. The whole process has taken about 5 years, and at almost 21, I consider myself gay.

 

Knew I liked men by the time I was in 5th grade.

Didn't have my first official bf until I was 25 and he was the first person I ever told. After we broke up I thought I would never find anyone else.

Now I'm 31, my sister and close cousin knows, few friends that I've made after being comfortable enough to go to gay bars and be on phone apps. Also my extended family and friends that I've adopted from my current man.

But I've still not told my parents. And don't know when that will happen

 

Wow! I know that, I felt like that. When I had to face myself, and said I'm bi, I didn't feel hatred or anxiety, I felt relieved, and now I feel so comfortable with myself, that I want to tell everybody (of course, I don't go bragging my sexuality to everybody, but I don't have any problem telling any who asks). Actually, I didn't have any trouble accepting myself, because that feeling was so strong, I could only accept it and nothing else.

Agreed. When I knew I'm bi, one of the things I thought was "What a relief! Now I can I can think how hadsome is some boy without feeling uneasy! And think dirty things too!!!"

 

I have a very strict, very conservative background as well. It wasn't until very recently that I have even just began the process of "coming out to myself". I know that I have been struggling with these feelings and emotions for a really long time, probably around 8 years. I've done nothing but try and repress these feelings, all the while denying what could be true. I'm 21 and I've never been more confused about my sexual orientation. I've just started to try and accept myself as feeling attracted to women, even though looking back, I know I've had these feelings all along. It has all been so confusing because I am in a 3.5 year relationship with a guy. I thought I was happy with him, but the more I've allowed myself to freely explore my feelings and sexuality, the more I realize I don't think I can be straight, no matter how hard I try. Now, to build to the courage to come out to someone... anyone....

 

I'm definitely a late bloomer when it comes to realizing my sexuality. I'm not totally out but I've started the process of coming out to close friends and eventually my family. The main reason I'm not out to my family is because I want to have independence and stability on my own terms before I tell them.

I started experimenting with a friend when I was 21. It was life changing and after 3 years of a secret relationship, I decided to put an end to things because I was losing myself and being treated like crap.

Within the past year, I became friends with and have fallen for the love of my life. I was her first lady experience and I'm happy that I'm going to be her last. I'm 26 and still working on being completely out but on day at a time right?

 

I guess I knew shortly after the start of this year (my first year at uni/college). I had always kind of known I was gay before that, but I never really identified as a gay person. I have never had ANY attraction women, at all. Zilch. Honestly, I can understand that some women are beautiful, but I don't feel any emotional/physical attraction to them. So right now I'm in the process of coming out; I'm hoping to join a LGBT club once my last exam is over !

 

I've kind of always known that i was gay, when i was a kid i don't remember ever being interested in the women on tv (apart from Amanda Tapping. If i could, i totally would). When i was around 11-12ish i was looking at porn on the computer that my dad had left open (bad parenting right there) and i ended up clicking through different pages and eventually saw a link to change the settings from straight to gay porn and i clicked it, wondering what it would be like. Over the next few years my gay porn viewing increased big time, but i refused to believe i was an actual gay. I tried my hardest to change my sexuality during my teens but failed miserably and prepared myself for a life of bitter loneliness. I was so sure that it would be better than the alternative of coming out and being one of those gay people (i only had stereotypes to go by).

I managed to fool myself for years that i could just ignore it all, that is until (face currently burning from embarrassment) i saw glee and the whole Klaine thing made me realise i shouldnt have to hide myself, so i forced myself to start trying to accept myself. Its been a couple years and ive managed to come out to a grand total of four people, its taking me a while but i will get there!

 

I think I started questioning when I was about 20-21 and only since a year ago I suspected I was probably bi. I've come out to a few people now.

The most confusing part was that I had had a massive amount of girl-crushes before that (I think at least 5 serious ones, and maybe 30 or more totally). Looking back I think I could have know earlier if the area I grew up was a bit less homophobic (I was a bit homophobic (in the literal sense) too although I didn't realise it, I was a bit scared to be in any distance of anything lgbt-related :dry:, no real hate as the word is used more often). I think I sometimes thought that some guys looked nice, but always quickly suppressed it or forgot it, since I thought I was straight and didn't consider being gay as an option. (Didn't knew either bisexuality existed).

All this changed when I fell deeply in love with a guy about a year ago, which forced me to accept I wasn't really straight, but I didn't knew what I were either, so I started looking around for information. Reading this site really helped and slowly I dealt with my homophobia. All these lgbt-including series and movies (like glee) I've been watching since have been awesome too, I wished these were broadcasted when I was young too. : )

I'm still not entirely sure about my sexuality (it doesn't help much that it seems to be changing all the time if I'm more interested in guys or girls), but I don't really care anymore and am happy now to call myselves bi and just see who I end up with, now I've only got the coming out left..

 

First, you need to get the “late bloomer” mentality out of your mentality. There is no such thing as “Late Bloomer” You’ve made great progress! Congrats! I wish you all the best! And we range in age

 

So I'm on the younger side of this spectrum but hey. I was in my early teens when it dawned on me that I liked girls, it made so much sense, but at that point I wasn't sure if I liked boys to or not. I told a few people and left it at that. It was until last fall (at 21) that I really came out. It never really occured to me to try and put a label on myself or to come out. Sometimes I forget that not every knows I'm a lesbian. Two of my friends I had recently made at school (one one ftm and one lesbian) asked me one night if I was a lesbian and I said yes and it felt right. I wouldn't so much say i had an ah ha moment as it was more of a process over time. After that night I came out to all my friends at college within the next two months or so, and everyone back home within the year.

 

ok... I "felt in love" with a guy once when I was 15 and once when I was 16. I was really homophobic though, and never would I have thought those feelings I had were gay. I just didnt think about it.

I came out when I was 18 and realized that girls will never give me the "fuzzy feelings" guys give me. Basically, I admitted to myself I liked dick ONLY BECAUSE I FIRST REALIZED THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IF I DID.

. My first kiss came about 3 months later, ironically with a girl haha. 2 months later, I had sex for the first time (with a guy).

 

Apart from one serious, more-or-less platonic, crush on a girl in high school I don't remember showing any particular interest in girls, apart from noticing their attractiveness like anyone else, but just assumed that being asocial me I only hadn't met "the one" yet and continued to believe I'd have a girlfriend, and eventually wife, someday.

Lacking any apparent interest in my peers, I slowly started exploring my sexual curiosity online with women and eventually men as well. While subconsciously I must've begun to realise I was interested in men, at best I only thought that I was straight-leaning bisexual.

So for a number of years, I continued just looking at stuff online [roughly 50/50,] but think I eventually started developing more of a preference for looking at gay stuff. Over time this also began spilling over into non-graphic LGBT-related stuff [browsing stuff, reading relevent articles on Wikipedia, looking at clips and whatnot from short films, feature films and TV shows.] However, I still didn't have any experience with either sex or develop a crush with anyone.

It wasn't until around the time I'd finished my second year of community college, I inexplicably confronted my same-sex desires, but still thinking of myself in terms of bisexual for many months after that, though the torrent of confusion and emotional struggle was focused more on coming to terms with the fact I was attracted to men and only wanted that sort of relationship. After coming out to a close online friend, I was officially confused, unsure whether I was bisexual or gay but felt I leaned towards the latter.

Though I came out to a few others over the next several months, it's still been a long long process of accepting that I'm attracted to men and am basically gay. Which sucks, because I've gone from being an inexperienced straight boy to an inexperienced bisexual one to an inexperienced gay man. :lol:

 

I told one of my closest friends in college in my last semester before graduating... And then came out to my brother in the car (that was a very emotional one) the September afterwards, shortly after my 23rd birthday. Since then, I came out to my parents and some friends, but it was not nearly as ground-shaking as I wanted, and most of the people I told were mum (neutral) about it, rather than getting all excited or mad.

 

Well I've already written my coming out story in this forum. I could paste it here, but that seems a bit daft. So here's a link to mine

Took My Time :eusa_danc

 

Well Here is a sad one:


I knew when I was 14 I think. I told a bunch of randoms who didn't matter when I was 20, but they didn't spread it and things just went on, I've been living a lie until I was 22. I became so comfortable lying, I was happy with the situation so I just forgot about it, I just kept on going until I didn't function socially anymore. I was happy before I think, but not fully free like everyone else, but I was comfortable and didn't think of it so that is why I went so long, I had hope, I thought it would come naturally, I thought I could survive alone and just suddenly tell when I found a guy I liked, I was forced in to depression to finally come out, and it's the worst coming out ever.

It is devastating. I have ruined my life, but... and, well I have no choice other then to start a new. But I don't think anyone will ever truly befriend or even love a person like me. I don't even know half the stuff people say.

Well... I need some purpose, I need friends, I really do, I have no idea how to move on.. maybe work my ass off earn up a small fortune and give it to my family.
Don't know if I can live a social life from now..
Maybe Ill help other people coming out,
Maybe work with animals,
maybe work with plants,


I'm completely lost at the moment, I feel like I am not living or ever have, even tho I've done fun things. The worst thing is the regret, the life you never had, and what your family and friends might think.... do they feel guilt?
I do love them tho, from the bottom of my heart, and at least that makes me feel human
But I feel guilt for creating this situation.

Currently going to psychiatrist to prevent me from committing suicide..



Maybe I someday will find happiness and it will be the most insane good feeling ever since Iv'e been locked inside for so long and have truly felt being at the bottom of depression.

That is my new hope.

I have two plans:
Either I have to gradually keep lying, pretend I'm sort of normal, then start experience gay stuff and wait till it smooths out and I can find new people.
Be 100% honest and hope people will like me for who I am, find people like me, Maybe some people like helping losers? I do love winners tho... but winners will never like me...I'm just a burden.