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Just when....

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Boatman, Mar 9, 2016.

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  1. Boatman

    Boatman
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    Thank you all. I'm not having the best day. Lots of confusing thoughts and feelings. Reading all your comments really helps
     
    #21 Boatman, Mar 12, 2016
  2. I'mStillStanding

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    Boatman feel free to share those thoughts, it really does help.
     
    #22 I'mStillStanding, Mar 12, 2016
  3. Boatman

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    The one thought is what if I'm wrong.... Growing up I was always told that I was wrong or stupid. Yeah, I know I'm an adult, but that ingrained self doubt really kicks in at times like this
     
    #23 Boatman, Mar 12, 2016
  4. I'mStillStanding

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    Wrong about being gay? You attracted to dudes? Sexually?
     
    #24 I'mStillStanding, Mar 12, 2016
  5. Boatman

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    Yes, very much. I know it's a stupid statement in some ways, but everything in my head is so screwed that thought of what if I'm wrong just pops in there
     
    #25 Boatman, Mar 12, 2016
  6. I'mStillStanding

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    I get it :slight_smile: and you don't sound stupid. At all. But if you want to talk about it in here :slight_smile:
     
    #26 I'mStillStanding, Mar 12, 2016
  7. Boatman

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    Today's is better apart from the lack of sleep and sore head. We talked and have the basis for moving forward. I'm not sorted but I've taken a more positive path. Talking, keeping the momentum going on that score and not running into the black hole under the stair is my goal for the week ahead
     
    #27 Boatman, Mar 13, 2016
  8. SiennaFire

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    This is certainly a catch-22 for married guys. It can be tough to have full confidence and embrace your gayness and move on until you have experiences with other guys to make it real. To get the experience either requires that you end the marriage, open the marriage, or go behind your wife's back. If you still have doubt, it may help if you post why you think you may or may not be gay. Or do you know that you are gay but because of internal homophobia don't like the idea of being of gay or can't see yourself acting gay?
     
    #28 SiennaFire, Mar 13, 2016
  9. demidiluvian

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    This may not help, but when I asked my therapist a while back if a straight guy would spend this much time churning over whether he was really, truly gay or not, she said no. I don't know if that's 100% true for all people, but it helped me relax a bit.
     
    #29 demidiluvian, Mar 13, 2016
  10. Boatman

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    Demidiluvian, it really makes perfect sense. Thank you
     
    #30 Boatman, Mar 13, 2016
  11. baristajedi

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    You're making progress :slight_smile:. This is good to hear. Stay strong! You know we're here to listen and encourage you if you find yourself running back into that black hole... (&&&)
     
    #31 baristajedi, Mar 13, 2016
  12. Boatman

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    Things are a roller coaster. We are talking, and generally in a positive way. But there is so much hurt that I've caused and my partner is alone with this. I seem to have a lot of choices for support, there is very little for a husband or wife coping with this situation. Online forums appear to be very bitter unhealthy places. Does synonym know of a sane support network where a husband or wife can go?
     
    #32 Boatman, Mar 14, 2016
  13. CameOutSwinging

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    I've seen that Straight Spouse Network (I think that's the name) but I've always thought some of the writings on there were a bit extreme. It could help her to just find a good therapist, if she doesn't see one already. Or perhaps even couples therapy if you are trying to stay together.
     
    #33 CameOutSwinging, Mar 14, 2016
  14. Boatman

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    Yes I've seen that too, it seems like an unhealthy place. I need to find something good for her, that can help her not be alone
     
    #34 Boatman, Mar 14, 2016
  15. CameOutSwinging

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    Is she looking for that? I know we want to take care of our spouses through this, but some aren't always open to reaching out for help. Sadly, they have a journey to go through as well that is just as hard as our own.
     
    #35 CameOutSwinging, Mar 14, 2016
  16. TrueSelf

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    PFLAG? I know it was originally started for parents, but I also know spouses can get support there too.

    I think most of us have gone along the road, (some far down the road, some not so far) of trying to be who we were told in so many (and oftentimes so subtle/insidious ways) who we are supposed to be. When we begin to "wake up," it can feel like quite a shock. Our whole perspective feels like its shifting and the ground beneath our feet feels even more unstable than ever before. But as we continue to take steps forward, one at a time, we begin to feel some space . . . some breathing room, and start to feel that maybe this situation is workable. And it is. It's hard, but it's workable.
     
    #36 TrueSelf, Mar 14, 2016
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