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I've been struggling for 3 years: am I a lesbian or not?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by greyarea3, Apr 7, 2013.

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  1. greyarea3

    greyarea3
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    the South, USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    For the past three years I have been actively questioning my sexual orientation. To give you a little snap shot of my life, here it is: I am (almost) 23 years old. I was born and raised in the deep South, by an extremely traditional and conservative family. They're Southern Baptists and I went to a Christian school growing up, and I was told that I would go to hell if I wasn't straight. (FYI: I am an extremely open minded, non-religious, and liberal individual.)

    I have come to accept one thing about myself, I am definitely NOT straight (yes, that has taken me three years to get to *sigh* :dry:slight_smile:. I see women and I don't have to question my attraction to them--I feel it everywhere and in every way. But I just can't picture myself marrying a woman one day. It makes me so uncomfortable. I have only ever been attracted to one man before (I was 22) and honestly, I'm not sure if I just admired him and his open nature (he was truly exceptional and unlike any of the men I had met before) or if it was actually "attraction." Either way, it took me a year before I felt that attraction to him. Aside from that one guy, I have felt nothing for any man, except that which is platonic.

    The signs are so strong that I am a lesbian, but it makes me so nervous putting myself in a category where I will never have the option to date or have a future with a man, even though I look at them (men, that is) and I feel absolutely NOTHING. :icon_sad: For a while now I have said that I am "sexually fluid," but I'm starting to think that I'm just in denial about my true nature and don't want to admit it to myself or anyone else. I'm just so confused, and I just want to move on with my life.

    I would really appreciate ANY help or input. :slight_smile:
     
    #1 greyarea3, Apr 7, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2013
  2. BoiGeorge

    BoiGeorge Guest

    Learning to accept your sexuality is a huge step. It appears to me that you are a lesbian, but having trouble accepting it. All I can say is give it time. Try not to stress so much about it. Everything will work itself out :slight_smile:
     
    #2 BoiGeorge, Apr 7, 2013
  3. Femmeme

    Femmeme
    Full Member

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    Hey Greyarea3. First, don't feel bad about how long it's taking you to figure is out. There are plenty of people (like me) who took WAY longer.

    I'm originally from a small (now, think even smaller) town in the south myself. Those cultural expectations we grow up with make it so hard, and so painful to embrace who we are. I'm now 37, live in a larger city, extremely liberal and only now beginning to accept myself and peek out of the closet. My plan, which might be the right idea for you too, is to start seeing an LGBTQ friendly therapist to help me sort it all out.

    (*hug*)

    P.S. Empty Closets is a great place to hang out while you're working through this.
     
    #3 Femmeme, Apr 7, 2013
  4. greyarea3

    greyarea3
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2013
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    the South, USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey! Thanks so much to the both of you. I appreciate your responses, and I'm looking forward to spending some more time here at Empty Closets. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 greyarea3, Apr 10, 2013
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