Is homoflexible a thing?

very good post Ghosting

 

Beautiful. I completely agree with you and that's what I'm getting at.

 

I agree with some of what your saying but I don't agree with there different ways to be gay if you have attraction to box sexes your bi you can call yourself gay all your want doesn't make you gay your still bi. Your only gay in name. But Hey whatever helps you get more dates with the same sex , or whatever helps you sleep at night an avoid being associated with that bisexual stereotype which started very similar to what people are doing now . I wonder when the label gay and lesbian gets a negative stigma as result of this , what label are you guys gonna be using next

 

I don't understand this whole thread to be honest.

Why this rush to erase homoflexibility? Why is everyone so hung up on labels?

Sexuality is on a specturm, some people call the upper-ranges of the spectrum 'predominantly gay' or 'homoflexible', and some call it 'bisexual'.

Nobody has a monopoly on labelling anyone in a particular area of the spectrum.
'Bisexual' is not accurate for everyone who is not exclusively straight or gay: because they might simply not experience full attraction to both sexes.

I am against the label bisexual in general because it is a sweeping generalisation: it boxes all predominantly straight, predominantly gay and genuinely bisexual people together as if they are one and the same. It basically means 'was in touch with a dick at some point in their life and likes dick'. Which is a terribly phallocentric way of describing peoples sexuality.


It is not adequate for many and it creates confusion.

Also insisting on labelling people as 'bisexual' takes the agency out of their own hand to construct their own identity.

Many women, especially in the 70, 80 chose the label 'lesbian' for political reasons, would you dare to call those women who often escaped vicious claws of heterosexism 'bisexual'?

I think they'll laugh in your face if you did that to them. "Bisexual' is a tool of heterosexist society to drag anyone into the sphere of heterosexuality.

I find the tendency to label people just because they don't fit in your understanding of the world, dangerous.

 

And you proved my point you do not believe bisexuality is real that's why you see it as a box and i would not call those women bi who use lesbian for political reasons they will be know as straight . so not only are you heterophobic your also biphobic too

 

I'm not erasing it completely myself, I do think homoflexibility exists. Your post is an example of homoflexibility. I don't see you as bisexual from your post at all.

I simply think that having a full fledged sexual attraction to both sexes while having an exclusive romantic attraction to one isn't really monosexuality, and I find the assumption dangerous.

Because think about it:
- Where does that leave lesbians who are exclusively attracted to women sexually and would never do anything with a guy? I wouldn't want men to assume I'm the same as lesbians who are sexually attracted to men.
- How come biromantic lesbians don't identify as bisexual? Because sexuality is about sex.
- And where does that leave aromantic lesbians? Lesbians who are sexually attracted to women, use women for casual sex, but can never feel a romantic bond?

It's not having simple curiosity, I can understand one or two experiments without it making you bi. I understand having been curious and sleeping with men a few times, sure. But when you constantly search men out and enjoy casual sex with them all the time, that's a bit different and saying that "I'm gay because I only fall in love with women" is an excuse that makes no sense. I do think people can identify as whatever, identities like this just put other people in danger; such as men thinking all lesbians will sleep with them casually, and lesbians thinking that 'lesbian' means 'Exclusive sexual desire for women'. Hetero sex has a very high STD rate compared to lesbian sex, and most WSW catch all their STD's by women who have slept with men. If a woman told me she was a lesbian and I found out she still enjoys sleeping with men on the side, I'd definitely take it as a betrayal and a lie and would want nothing more to do with this person.

 

This is what I was talking about thanks for putting it there .
Me too in fact i wouldn't date her anymore for lying to me . if she told me she was a lesbian and I found out she was sleeping with men on the side it's not only a betrayal it's cheating and a health risk. and according to everyone lesbians sleep with men now so , I guess straight guys have all rain to hit on us and even try to get sex from us . No wonder they think lesbians can't be exclusively gay and want sex from them because it's partly true in this case .

 

It seems that we are talking about two entirely different things:
1) attraction
2) sexual behaviour

All that seems to be relevant here is sexual behaviour. But identifying as one or another has no bearing on knowing peoples behaviour. If somebody identifies as bi, will you automatically assume that they have sex with men? Isn't that a bit prejudiced?
Knowing somebody's ID or somebody's attraction will not automatically make you know their actual sexual past.
There is only one way to stay safe: don't have casual sex and always require tests with any new partner.

 

That's what I've been telling you some bisexuals only date one gender and some don't sleep with the opposite at all but the attraction is still there
I get some lesbians are curious and use homoflexible it makes sense to use it that way if your curious and never had sex with them or want to experiment .
But to me when your clearly bi and using the word homoflexible or the word lesbian now that's not accurate . Because I've seen people using the homoflexible label two ways
one where their open to sleeping with both men and women
another where they are just curious
originally the word heteroflexible was used for people who were just curious and not bisexual . Now that I get not being bisexual
but sexual behavior also indicates your orientation who you like to sleep does count not in every situation but it does . sure a straight woman can call her self a lesbian , but it doesn't make her one a bisexual woman can call herself a lesbian to score dates with lesbians but it will not make her one . what I have a problem with is people using the label for their own benefits and not caring one bit how it affects others in that community. In life what you do affects people the same way me using the bi label makes the myth that bisexuals go from gay to straight looks real . they are imitating
but sexual behavior and romantic attraction does play a role in someone's sexual orientation.
The lesbian community already has people not respecting it or not believing being a lesbian is real and when you add this too you contribute to rape culture you send the message that lesbians do not exist and all women are attracted to men .
Another thing just like you can say sexuality is a spectrum well bisexual is not always 50/50 not all bisexuals feel the same about both sexes . What I don't get about the fluid thing is gay , straight , and lesbian is seen as fluid but not bisexuality hello bisexuality is the fluid orientation , why would it not have degrees of it then you say it's a box yet you prefer to place yourself in a box like gay , straight , and lesbian that doesn't fit you.
One was wonder what is about identifying as bi that you fear so much is it the stigma are you scared women will not date you and you will be stuck with men ?
What is wrong with being bi ?

 

Actually, I'm not talking about sexual behavior. I did say I think that lesbians can sleep with men and still be lesbians for a variety of reasons (Being curious, questioning/don't know who they are, being closeted and looking for acceptance, being desperate for money, etc). It's the same as bisexuals; I don't assume they sleep with men, I only assume they desire the thought of it.
However, when you constantly seek out casual sex, (not for the reasons I said above but for pleasure and enjoyment), and mentally enjoy it enough to keep doing it, it crosses the line into sexual attraction. Sexual attraction = A mental desire to have sex with a person, even if you find such person physically repulsive.

There are definitely lines. There are times where I almost tried to sleep with men because I couldn't accept my sexuality. I don't think that crosses into bisexuality because the motive wasn't a sexual attraction and if I acted on it I would have been miserable and mentally hated it. Now, if I was just plain horny and wanted to have some dick, that would be completely different.

I think sexual attraction goes into a lot of these women who sleep with men, they just don't recognize it because they aren't physically or emotionally attracted (which is not required).
Casual sex doesn't just happen accidentally, it requires flirting, conversation, and getting to know somebody a little bit before you hit the sheets. Most people that search it out do have some sort of "attraction" involved; for example, would these people who use men for casual sex also use men in their 50's or men who have ugly scars down their face? I doubt it.

 

I bet their telling those 50 year old men and the men with ugly scares on their face their lesbian and don't sleep with men at all :roflmao:

 

To be honest I think all these potential problems that exist with using a label be it homoflexible, bisexual, heteroflexible, gay, lesbian, straight, pansexual or any other would be greatly improved if the heterosexist society was better educated in what orientation is, and I don't just mean children but also adults. I realise that isn't a straightforward task because as all the above posts in this thread prove even within lgbt circles there are varying different opinions on what different labels mean or imply, so it's little surprise that the rest of society gets confused (not that this is any excuse for the assumptions and discrimination that often result).

But sometimes I just wish someone would sit people down and actually tell them 'look, if you are a boy stop thinking that lesbians will sleep with you. They are real people not a porn category', 'just because someone is bi doesn't mean they will sleep around or want threesomes', 'regardless of labels sexuality is a spectrum not a tick box system. But that doesn't mean the person can change by choice or that you or anyone else can turn them straight,' 'sexual and romantic attraction are two different things and you can have both, one without the other, or neither at all. And a person can sleep with someone for these or completely different reasons', etc. These seem like such obvious things that everyone should understand and yet I am constantly amazed by just how misinformed society generally is. (I'm not talking about anyone on here btw, just people in society who really don't seem to get it).

Things are improving gradually and schools may have expanded lgbt education since I was there but I think they are still far behind and not discussing issues that matter. When I was a teenager the extent to which the topic was covered was a 5 minute rundown which consisted of looking at a sheet of paper containing the main words like heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual and lesbian accompanied by one brief sentence defining what each one meant which was read out by the teacher. There was no further discussion and no questions encouraged. I remember reading that piece of paper and thinking 'well how is this supposed to help me?' I already knew what those words basically meant. What I didn't understand was the sheer complexity of orientation.

I'd never heard the term homoflexible until a couple of years ago. I did consider identifying as this but decided against it because I heard different definitions of what it meant and couldn't be sure if it was right for me. I heard some say it means someone who is predominantly gay with some attraction to the opposite sex, others said it meant gay 'with exceptions' or someone who occasionally sleeps with the opposite sex. What's more I wasn't comfortable with something that included the word flexible as I was concerned that might imply I was willing to consider sex with men which I'm not anymore. There was a time when I thought I could if I met the right one but that was before I realistically understood what sex and relationships were about. For years I stayed in the closet and avoided questions about my sexuality for the exact reason that I didn't want to choose the wrong label. Bi doesn't fit because despite still having the odd fleeting attraction to men with feminine features I no longer have any intentions of trying to attempt to have a relationship with a man and straight sex has never appealed to me. I now identify as lesbian because my only interest is in women but there are still times when I question if this term really fits me, knowing that I am not 100% even if I'm pretty close

 

Your post was very insightful and Your absolutely right about what you said if only sexuality was taught like that it would save most of us the trouble

 

Thank you. Hopefully it will be taught like that one day, it takes times for things to filter through to the older generations (especially the homophobes amongst them) but with time I think it will get there.

 

You can be attracted to men and still stay a lesbian, as long as It's not sexual. I think some men are freaking gorgeous and I have some fleeting 'crushes' on men I get close to, but I could never have sex with a man or even date one; I have no desire. That's what makes someone a lesbian I think. Straight girls also have girl crushes all the time.

 

Me too , I think the world would be a much better place if it does

 

Yeah I do feel generally comfortable with identifying as lesbian nowadays, it's only when I get occasional moments of doubt when I see a man I feel slightly drawn to for some reason (usually pretty eyes, a nice voice, long hair and a feminine face etc) and I think 'Oh shit, what if I'm wrong?!' Then I remember that he is still a man and I wouldn't actually want to do anything with him if I had the chance.
I wouldn't have been able to confidently call myself a lesbian a few years back because I still had this idea in my head that if I met that one man who was right for me then I'd be able to have a relationship with him (including sex but personally I would want to be in a relationship before having sex, I have difficulty with the idea of casual sex with anyone). It was only as I got older that I came to accept that realistically that wouldn't work. Maintaining a relationship means being connected to someone and I couldn't connect like that with a man. And I'd never desired straight sex, I sometimes enjoyed the fantasy of a man and a woman doing it in a voyeuristic way but not involving myself. The closest I came to that is that I sometimes fantasized about being cuddled by a man just for some human contact (cuddling a woman is nicer of course, you get human contact AND boob contact :lol: ).

 

It is definately possible; one can lie anywhere on the spectrum of sexuality

 

Yeah, it does partly explains why there are people who watches porn and yet does not want to do anything with the members of sex in their preference of porn. Some people only like the visual stimulis, but not the idea of engaging into physical intimacy. Other are repulsed at the idea of being able to smell and taste the bits. Other might like only the visual stimulis, but get repulsed at HQ porn as it looks weird for them. Other might not like the idea of trying the actual thing because of physical interactions. The list goes on and on.

The thing is that the detachment level does not have to be 100%. People put up with some act all the time (Especially when they're in educational setting or in a work environment) and there are people who go through life emulating emotions and automatically responding, but they aren't really there at all. Of course, there are some degree of attachment, and enough for some of those people who don't mind going against their orientation to achieve their end goal which is not related to inherent motivation.

This is what I believe in, but I Think I might be a hypocrite for saying it. I dunno...

 

Homoflexible sounds like just another name for bisexual. Remember, of course, that sexuality isn't binary. It exists across a gradual continuum, much like an artist's gray-scale - black at one end, gradually getting grayer and lighter until it reaches the far, white end. It's the same way with sexuality.

One of the oldest (1948) and most useful measures of sexual orientation is the so-called Kinsey Scale, developed by pioneering researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his team. This is a self-assigned rating, since only you can really know where your heart lies. For instance, I rate myself at 4. It may take some time to truly understand your own orientation through trial and error, so your own rating might change over time, even though you haven't.

Rating - Description
0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
X No socio-sexual contacts or reactions