Internalized Homophobia is so Awful

No problem, I'm happy to help. And I really relate to that last bit, as well: I felt left behind for the longest time, and sometimes I still do. But as time passes, I've started to make peace with the past. Sometimes, we don't have the luxury of working through things as early as our peers do, and that's okay; as long as we get there, as long as we get to see it and unburden that secret from within ourselves, that's what matters. I'm glad you're doing better, and I hope each day brings you closer to finding contentment with who you are now.

 

I can relate. Didn't realize I was into guys at all until high school and proceeded to not come out until National Coming Out Day after turning 30, almost 7 years ago now. Part of it was indeed freaking out about my same sex attractions, but then I realized something: I'm still attracted to and prefer the company of women. Should I find myself in a relationship with another man, that is a possibility, not a certainty, but if so, it would be because I love him. I claim bisexuality because yes, there are men I am or have been attracted to and could potentially enjoy being in a relationship with, but otherwise am more comfortable pursuing things with women first. That's just me, however. Other bisexual people may experience it differently from myself, but if I've learned anything since coming out, it's that bisexuality doesn't have to be 50/50. You can pursue the person or people you are most interested in and getting together with them, whether that be a same sex or opposite sex relationship, you are still bi. And you are still bi even if you freak out about your same sex attractions like I did.