I was going back and forth on whether or not I was going to post something new again and figured well at least I can just write out what’s going on in my head. I have 2 friends and they are work friends in another state. I have never really had many friends. You may think, well you are married so you have him. Well I can’t tell him half the things that run through my head without him getting upset so I always just hold stuff in.For quite a while now even when he knows my depression is bad he will grab my boobs or butt and ask for sex. Eventually after it goes on for days I just given in so that I can get a break for awhile. Idk if it is my body or just feeling like I don’t have support as a parent or in other aspects that I just don’t feel like having sex with him very often. I would rather masterbate. These days I normally only get aroused from books I read or things I watch. You may say that we should see counseling, well I brought that up and that didn’t go well. I have tried to tell him that what he does bothers me and he will stop for a little while and then start again. I’m not on here to complain, but I’m sure that sounds like what I am doing. Things have just been hard lately and I am just desperate to find someone who can relate to my feelings. There are others that go through far worse than I do, so I really have no right to complain. Heck I have been in worse situations, from emotion, physical, and sexual abuse.: so really this should feel like nothing. Well anyways… I hope others have a nice day/evening.
I hope you're doing okay. That all sounds really rough, he shouldn't be pushing for sex when you don't want it and you shouldn't be put in a position where you just have to give in and have sex with him. Are there any community groups for hobbies you have or even just general LGBT community groups you can go to where you can make some friends and built up a good support network?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you venting here: just because you've been through worse and others currently are, doesn't mean your current problems aren't real, too. It's important that we train ourselves to stop thinking because others have it worse, we should just stay silent; it's not healthy and only makes the issue harder to overcome. To put it plainly--you being silent about your problems doesn't solve anyone else's. It's like parents thinking their kids have to eat every morsel of food on their plate; it doesn't change the fact that children are starving elsewhere. You can be grateful for what you have, and still need/want better. Your husband sounds difficult to me, and like he's leaving you to do all the work in the relationship. While it's normal for the balance of mental/physical work to fluctuate in a relationship, it doesn't sound like the weight has shifted from your shoulders at all. Did he say why he wasn't interested in couple's counselling? Was he being defensive, or was it a cost issue? Is he in denial that there's anything wrong? Difficult as it may be, I think you need to confront him regarding his behaviour; don't let him get whatever he wants, because that sets the precedent that he can get away with anything without offering anything in return. I know it's hard when you just don't want to fight, but sometimes you really need to plant your feet and make your needs and desires known. Don't let him push you around or silence you, because that is not how a relationship is supposed to work; there needs to be give and take, and if he's not willing to reciprocate, then perhaps it's time to look into going your separate ways.
