This is my first post, looking for some advice. My entire life, I never thought about what my gender was. Despite being interested in many stereotypically feminine things (fem clothing, makeup, etc), I always assumed I was a man. However, after discovering many LGBT+ communities online, I've been rethinking my gender and how I express it. I thought it was just a phase or an excuse to be a part of a community, but the idea that "I might be a woman" continues to linger. From what I remember, I've never shown signs of dysphoria or discomfort, and I've never disliked the pronouns he/him. It's hard to articulate, but being seen as a woman feels comfortable. I considered forgetting about all this and moving on, but I simply can't. I've been searching for help and I ended up here. I can explain in further detail if necessary. I'm just confused.
SsSsS.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. I can see that you have already found the forum that is titled "Gender Identity and Expression”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. Please feel free to ask any questions about this topic...especially here in this forum. I know that there are people here who have gone through all different phases that relate to transgender issues. Take your time to work though this as it is a serious situation that you are considering. However, that does not mean that you should not take plenty of time to explore all the facets of this and learn as much as you can! Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David Knowing who you are and beginning to understand yourself are the precious jewels of a life that is worth living. Like any jewel, they are not cheap. By...Me Master Chef and Quality Surveyor of the Chocolate Society
Welcome to EC! So can you experiment with your gender expression safely at home? Or with a group of friends you could trust? You don't have to be dysphoric to be trans. I'm not totally sure how that works because I do feel dysphoria myself, but it's possible. However, I wasn't always concious that what I felt was dysphoria- the first time I tried on a binder it made me happy. I was kind of like, "What is this feeling?" The answer was gender euphoria- a feeling of happiness with your gender identity/expression. Honestly, to me, that gender euphoria was the stepping stone to unrepressing myself and my feelings. It wasn't easy, and has me stuck in a terrible situation currently, but if I get to be happy one day then it was worth it to me.
I've often wondered about the lines which one must cross in order to be considered a gender other than cis. Like what criteria must be met? I've listened too and read about stories that seem to range quite massively. First off, I do not think it unusual for men or women to feel some level of gender fluidity. We hear about this when men say things like, "I'm in touch with my feminine side." I've taken that to mean, they simply acknowledge and accept that they do like feminine things, but they also like masculine things, so there isn't much general alarm that it creates. Similar to the term "bromance" where two straight men appear to have a level of affection that might make some uncomfortable or wonder about it a bit, but it's always looked upon with general humor and a chuckle. My own father is one who has never shied away from the fact that he is fine wearing colors that are historically thought of as feminine, or that he might actually enjoy activities that women are more accustomed too. I've even heard some men admit that they would have no probably being a woman, or would at least like to know what it would be like, temporarily, but not so much permanently. As a woman living in "a mans world," it's very easy to think at times that I wish I was a man. But not so much because I want a penis or pectorals or big biceps or a deep voice, but more or less so life can be easier, and once again, I'm not sure I'd want to be stuck as a man long term. I don't consider myself gender confused. I do like some "manly things," Like American football, or chopping firewood, playing the drums, or dawning goggles and running a nail gun for a remodel project, but not because they are manly by nature and that's what attracts me, but more because I refuse to accept that things like colors or activities are inherently gender specific at all. We should all be able to do whatever the hell we want in life, within the law of course, and not feel the stigma of femininity or masculinity attached to said action or interest. I'm soapboxing now aren't I? To finally offer something other than a long paragraph of babble, it might be possible that you are genderfluid or even somewhat non-binary as well. Especially since you suffer from no dysphoria and don't seem to have a big problem with being a man in a general sense, ie; not having any issue with "he/him" pronouns. It's like you are comfortable in your own skin and identity to some extent, but also have no problem with identifying as a woman.
How long have you had these thoughts, SsSsS? I mean, are we talking since childhood, or just a few weeks? I think with the current noise and hysterical level of debate that there is about all things trans, I think it's sometimes very hard to block all that cr*p out and listen to yourself. And listening to yourself is really important in all this. As Wanderlost has pointed out, gender is a spectrum. Liking a few girly things doesn't make you trans (or genderfluid, or gay, for that matter). It just means you're a well-balanced person. Therapy might be a good idea as well, if you're able to afford that. Good luck, my friend. Beth x
