1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I think I am physically/sexually attracted to girls but...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jjusa, Jan 15, 2021.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. jjusa

    jjusa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't have the mental and emotionally capacity to be with another girl in a romantic context. Even in my fantasies, my romantic relationships don't work out. I've never been able to establish meaningful bonds with other girls, platonic or not.

    Anytime I am near a girl I find attractive, I immediately become emotionally immature. I start reverting to childish tendencies and stop being an adult. My listening skills go out the window. I just become all talk (in more of a panicky, awkward manner) and no action. I can't even make eye contact when I talk to her. I create this barrier between us when I am talking which only makes things worse. I can't imagine living in the same house as her because I wouldn't even know how to function properly.

    I hate that I act this way because normally I am a very calm, mature person and a great listener. I love talking to people and connecting with them but for some reason I can't seem to do that with girls I find attractive. I'm very hyper-sensitive as a person too. It's taken me a really long time to realize all this. Has anyone else felt similarly? Am I in the wrong place? lol. I wonder if this could be trauma-related because it sounds like it is?
     
    #1 jjusa, Jan 15, 2021
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  2. BiGemini87

    BiGemini87
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    1,318
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think I can relate to an extent. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of good female friendships. Overall, my experiences with other girls was rather poor, because I was often the subject of ridicule (not just from girls, but between them and the boys, they tended to be a lot more deceitful about it. And then when I called them out, they could be so much more vindictive about it.) High-school was when things started to turn around; at least in the sense that I finally started forming healthy friendships with other girls.

    I think between my earlier experiences and how anxious/shy I can be around people I find remotely attractive, it led to some of the same issues back then as it does for you now. And when I came out, I noticed the same sort of thing happen--unable to meet their eyes, stammering, being overly loud and talkative and then becoming easily embarrassed afterwards.

    Do you find yourself agonizing over these interactions for a while afterwards? It might just be that the more you converse with girls you find attractive, the easier it will get. But I think it might also take a certain type of person to help you feel more comfortable. The lockdown certainly isn't helping where social/psychological matters are concerned, so I wouldn't doubt that has had an impact on you, as well.

    Either way, there's no pressure for you to do anything with anyone you don't feel comfortable with--or at least comfortable enough with. If your feelings for girls never go beyond where they are now, there's no shame in that. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 BiGemini87, Jan 16, 2021
    jjusa and Mysteria like this.
  3. jjusa

    jjusa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm glad there is someone out there who had a similar experience as I do now. I must have severe tunnel vision. lol.


    Yes!!! I do agonize over my interactions with attractive girls for a long time. Still do today. It's weird because I love reading LGBT stories but it just doesn't pan out that way for me in real life. Maybe I just like hearing other stories but it's not necessarily my own story. I think you brought up something I never thought about which was that these feelings might not go beyond where they are now.
     
    #3 jjusa, Jan 17, 2021
  4. BiGemini87

    BiGemini87
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    1,318
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's not to suggest that they can't or won't, of course. :slight_smile: There may come a time where this gets easier for you, and if it does, you might find that you're ready to go further than previously thought. That it might not happen is merely a possibility, but try not to stress about it too much one way or the other. I know it's hard sometimes, but try to just live in the moment for now. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 BiGemini87, Jan 17, 2021
  5. jjusa

    jjusa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you for your kind words. My biggest fear is that I will never figure this out and I will have spent my entire life wasting my time on nonsense like this. I guess I had expected to be in a serious relationship with a man by this point in my life, and my overthinking has essentially destroyed any possibility for a serious relationship.
     
    #5 jjusa, Jan 17, 2021
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  6. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Do you think it's possible that these things happen when you speak to a girl, especially one you are attracted to because of the attraction and the nervous energy that releases. Almost like it becomes impossible because there is so much riding on it?
     
    #6 silverhalo, Jan 20, 2021
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  7. jjusa

    jjusa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    ^^^ yes. I’ve never thought about it that way. Maybe that’s the core issue. Consciously I feel like I get those emotions because I’m not actually queer and I’ve just put myself in an awkward situation.
     
    #7 jjusa, Jan 20, 2021
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  8. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Honestly even just on EC the number of times people who are just figuring out their sexuality have often come and said 'I never had trouble talking to guys but put me in front of a girl and I go to bits'. Not that I'm saying that is your exact position but I think we find things harder when there is more in it for us.
     
    #8 silverhalo, Jan 21, 2021
    jjusa and out2019 like this.
  9. jjusa

    jjusa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've been trying to figure out my sexuality for 2 years now and it's frustrating that I don't have it pinned down...

    I've always felt a sense of safety around guys and normally don't have trouble talking to them. There's really nothing at stake with guys. It's with certain girls that I just become this different person who thought she had some confidence in herself, but that goes out the window completely. I never thought about this until now. Thanks for helping me gain some perspective.
     
    #9 jjusa, Jan 21, 2021
  10. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No worries.

    Questioning can be frustrating and stressful and a rollercoaster of every emotion going. For me at some point the more I tried to figure it out the harder it became and its really hard to do but the more I sat back and let things simply be for a time it really helped.
     
    #10 silverhalo, Jan 22, 2021
    jjusa likes this.
  11. jjusa

    jjusa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I really need to get into that kind of mindset. It’s just a constant feedback loop that doesn’t ever resolve unless I let it go. I have a extreme fear of uncertainty and questioning has given me some form of control over my life, but so far it hasn’t done me any good. It’s taking me a while to come to terms with that. Lgbt or not, I need to move on.
     
    #11 jjusa, Jan 22, 2021
  12. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think talking to others on EC or elsewhere could really help you start to move forward.
     
    #12 silverhalo, Jan 23, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2021
    jjusa likes this.
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)