I think I’m gay?

Hi Bones, welcome to EC.

I'm not entirely sure if experimenting would really help in this instance? You've already told us that being with a woman hasn't felt amazing so far. I mean, it could turn out that you don't like being physical with any gender (or with your wife specifically), but I would find that unlikely based on the fantasies you described.

I think our thoughts and feelings, like what you've detailed can certainly help a lot. A turnabout question I frequently think about is, "Did most straight people need to experiment?" No, right? They just kinda "knew."

I think it's tough for folks, especially our age and older, who grew up in times where maybe you weren't "allowed" to be anything else, and definitely not encouraged to even think about other ways of being.... That stuff often gets in the way of learning about ourselves.

No one here will tell you how to identify, that's your choice, totally up to you! I'm glad you're here asking important questions, and I hope you find an answer that feels right

 

Welcome to EC!

First off, bravo for having the courage to be open with your wife about your feelings. That's a huge step and shows a lot of strength. I'm curious to know more about your experiences and feelings towards women, especially during your courtship and before. What was your attraction to them like? What was your attraction to men at this time?

 

Good for you for having that conversation. You have reached that point where you feel like you can't keep doing the same thing. Having sex with your wife while you fantasize about men works for a while, but eventually that doesn't work anymore and you just feel shitty about it. It sounds like you would much rather be with a man and that you are gay. Many of us on this site have been through this. Discovering your sexual orientation later in life after already being married is hard. You didn't choose this and you really do love your wife. Just know that we're here for you and you are not alone in this

 

So many of us could have written this SAME exact message. So many men are in the same situation BUT won't admit it. I have the same feelings daily.

 

When the sex drive is low, most people experience a period where sexual desires are less intense. Based on the description provided in your post, it does indicate a very strong same-sex attraction.

 

Its a tough one. I would say you definitely have an attraction to men, but whether you are gay or bi is not an easy one to work out when you are married and don't have the option to experiment. People crave what they haven't got. Have you got kids?

 

I would consider myself Bisexual but leaning gay. I still love sex with my wife but would love a weekend naked with a guy, or two!

 

Your in the right place, to figure this stuff out!

٩(^ᗜ^ )و So happy welcomes to the chat!!

 

Honestly tbh hearing about dads specifically come out as gay in their later years is so wholesome to me... and I know you didn't mention having children but Iv'e always wanted gay supportive loving dads.

 

In my experience, I just knew. It didn't matter how much I told myself over the years that I was straight and later on, bisexual, deep down I always knew I was homosexual. I knew/felt it since my teenage years. Wish you well on your journey of discovery.

 

Do you want kids with your wife? Its a huge commitment and kinda runs contrary to your thoughts about sexuality. Not sure what's best for you in the long run - I suppose many gay guys live their whole lives as the 'straight' husband and dad. And maybe they also get a lot of satisfaction from that too.

Also bear in mind your wife might be supportive now, but if you have kids her priorities may change. I know nothing about you or her and your relationship, but parenthood changes people and changes relationships too. It's something to bear in mind if you do decide to have kids.