I suspect my brother is gay. What do I do?

I'd recommend not straight-out (lol) asking him, but letting him come out to you in his own time if he's gay / bi. Just make it clear to him he can talk about anything with you and you support him no matter what, but don't force it out of him or imply that you think he's gay.

Good luck!

 

Definitely sneak it in there. Alex89 gives good advice.

 

I would say don't just ask him, because it could turn out badly if he isn't. But, maybe you could come out to him(if you feel ready to), which would let him know that you would be there to support him if he is gay.

 

I'd say be careful approaching that topic with him. You might want to imply that you are supportive of him no matter what. Also, if you are not out to him yet, and you feel comfortable doing so, maybe you could out yourself to him. He may feel more comfortable then, but no guarantees.

Just be careful, and in the mean time let him know you are supportive of him whatever he does in life (well within reasonable limits, I mean you probably aren't going to support him if he becomes a serial killer). Sorry not sure where that last part came from, but hopefully you get the idea.

Good luck in whatever you chose to do, you know your brother better than we do so you are the best judge of what you think he'll be comfortable with.

 

I can see this situation working out for you in more ways than one. You can start out by bringing up the subject, and the chat can go on for awhile in whatever fashion it does, and at a certain point you can come out to him, provided you haven't already. Perhaps having the support of a lesbian sister will help him to confess his sexuality to you, and if it doesn't than your coming out to him should strengthen your relationship with one another. From your description of him, he seems to be the type who will be supportive of you.

 

I wouldn't come out to him because that might place some pressure on him to be the "bearer of the family name" if he's gay, too. Just show that you're open to the idea.

 

I think Dylan hit it on the head. In order to facilitate a conversation, you should come out to him rather than expect it the other way around. If you want to keep it low-key, just grab a bit of his time alone and let him know.

 

Alabastair. Your first post uses the words "Assume", "Suspect" & "...I don't know" quite a bit. I'll take your word for it as to why you suspect he's gay but all you've said is that he's never dated a girl. That isn't so unusual at his age. I'm just concerned that you are using that as the sole basis for your assumptions. My younger brother (44) has NEVER dated a girl & still lives with mum & dad but never have I thought he is gay because I know for certain he isn't.

Just be careful you don't ruin your wonderful relationship by saying the wrong thing. You've had some good advice from the others on how to let him know you'll support him on whatever issue. Just tread carefully. Good luck.

 

Not to be... isrespectful, but, how can that be possible?

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Hun, be sincere. That's all I can say to you. As my experience, what you borther really needs is the feeling of having someone that supports him. It will be very good for both of you. It'll strenghten your family.

 

Alabastair

You weren't sounding rude or ignorant. On the contrary, you come across as very caring and loving towards your brother. As you say, you do have other reasons for assuming (I'm using that word now!) that he is gay and neither was I implying you're wrong. You just need to approach it carefully. Only you will know how far you can go and how much you can tell your brother. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

By the way, my name is Antonio.

No disrespect taken. There are three facts in that sentence. Are you asking how can all three be possible or which? I'll answer all three for you.

He's never dated a girl because he has very poor social skills. Without going into too much detail he simply doesn't know how to "chat up" a girl -

He lives with mum & dad because "Hotel mum & dad" is far cheaper than buying your own home! In other words, board & lodgings for a small monthly sum including all washing, ironing etc -

I know he isn't gay because I've had thousands of occasions where I've accompanied him to clubs etc and tried to get him to chat to girls - or anybody for that matter! He does want a girlfriend. Over the years girls have spoken to him but things just haven't progressed. Also, he has very few male friends due to his lack of social skills.

It's pretty saddening for me, to be honest. :icon_sad:

I just hope the reason for asking is not due to the stereotype that most older men who have not had a girlfriend are gay. When I tell people about him the first thing they ask me is, "Is he gay?" :bang:

 

I would certainly advise that you approach it from a sensitive angle. Remember that there are a whole bunch of reasons for not coming out besides the standard "I'm not sure how people will react".

For many people, the real hurdle is coming out to yourself, and not others. If he is gay, and hasn't confided in your (knowing full well your stance on sexuality) then odds are he isn't ready. A little bit of "nudging" might help, but certainly don't over step it for now. Let conversations flow naturally, and steer them towards sexuality if you feel you should.

 

If you haven't come out to him, I would do that. If he doesn't feel comfortable coming out to you at that point, then you should leave it alone. He'll admit it when he's ready.

At the same time though, I was VERY relieved that my best friends asked if I was gay - it gave me the opporutnity to talk to them about it knowing that they wouldn't be really surprised by the news. Good luck.